Wrong Foot First

Wrong Foot First: Chapter 1

2010-12-31T19:49:00.000-05:00

Note: Originally started on December 10, 2006. Dates have been changed for scrolling purposes. The posts in 2010 are Wrong Foot First while the posts in 2009 are for the sequel, With One Foot in.

Genre: Romance

Rating: PG 13

Length: About 20 chapters

Summary: You can find love anywhere – even next door.

Intro

Love is one of the few things that transcends every generation and culture. Not everyone gets to experience it but most want to. Sometimes, it hits us in an instant and other times, it creeps on us like a thief. And no matter how many times we fall in love, we always remember the first time we felt those flutters; the first time our knees went weak; or our lips instantly spread into a smile at the sight of the other person. Or the first time our lips touched and it felt like our hearts were beating together. Regardless of how old or how cynical we get, we always remember our First Love. This is the story of mine:

Chapter One

“Hurry!” I screamed at the driver’s seat. I’d ducked under the dashboard so that the passenger seat would look empty and most importantly, so that my mother wouldn’t see me in the car.

“Why?” you ask.

Because my ass was supposed to be sitting at home and not hanging out at the arcade with Yun Ah, Kyung Min and Ki Won. Who? I’ll get to them at some point.

Luckily, Ki Won was able to get through before the light turned red and even better, my mother’s cab was stuck behind the now red light. I waited a few seconds before deciding that I was in the clear and sitting up.

“Phew!” I wiped off the non-existent sweat for effect. “That was close. ” I glanced at Ki Won then fixed my unbuttoned shirt. Yeah, just because we were friends didn’t mean that he got to get a free peek at my boobs… especially as my shirt had mistakenly unbuttoned when I made the mad dash to hide from my mother.

“If you’d stopped the game when I asked you to, we wouldn’t have to be rushing now,” he reminded me.

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, true. But that would have meant that I was forfeiting, i.e. losing yet another game of Dance Dance SuperNOVA to Yun Ah and I wasn’t having that. We were playing the best of 5 and having already lost 2, I knew I had to win, which I eventually did, so now, Yun Ah had to deal with my trash-talking for a week. But would it be all worth it in the end? That would depend on how hard Ki Won hit the gas pedal.

The car screeched as he stopped in front of my apartment complex. I whipped out my card so that the huge gates would open and he could drive past them. The first time we'd done this, the gateman had raised a brow at letting a beat up jalopy into our oh-so-exclusive grounds but his car now came in frequently enough that he barely noticed us as we sped by.

The car hadn’t even stopped when I started to open the door.

“Hey, be careful,” he cautioned as he hit the brakes.

“Don’t worry about me,” I said as I flung my right leg out. “A little scrape is nothing compared to what my mother would do to me if she got home first.”

“Who’s talking about you? If something happens to my car door…”

I hissed then jumped out of the car before he could finish his sentence. I held on to my chest and ran into the building. Damn, it sucked being a girl! I screamed a quick “hello” at the doorman and ran to the elevator. I could already hear it ding so I knew that all I had to do was put my hand in between the doors to keep them from shutting. When I succeeded, I stopped to catch my breath and peered into the elevator. And that was when I saw HIM.

For now, let’s just call him HIM okay? Why? Because his name gives me headaches and I took the last two tablets of Ibuprofen the last time I mentioned it. You see, I’m actually quite an amicable person so there are only a few things I hate. For starters, I hate mice. They are little, nasty, creepy, squicky, ugly, evil, disgusting animals that seem to find their way into everywhere. Why the hell is there an ANIMAL in your house? Living in your house? Showing up in the middle of the night? Running around your freaking kitchen, hiding behind your cabinet and chewing holes in your walls and cabinets? And it’s not something you bought or even invited into your home. Nope. It just shows up and refuses to leave. And worse? It freaking populates like a bloody gremlin after water’s been thrown at it. So you see? I hate mice.

But at that moment, watching him smirk inside that elevator, I actually wished I’d seen a mouse instead. Okay… so who am I kidding? If I’d seen a mouse I would have run the heck out of there. A mouse and I chilling together in an elevator for 6 flights? Not in this lifetime.

“Are you coming in or not?” he asked, scowling at me like I was a naughty 5 year old.

Bastard. I really wanted to run in, kick him in the balls and run out. But I couldn’t. Why? Because 1)Our neighbor Mrs. Choi was standing a few feet from him looking impatient and 2) If I risked climbing 6 flights of stairs, there was a reasonable chance my mother would get home before me. In fact, there was a chance she was walking towards the elevators at that moment. With that realization, I quickly stepped in and hit the 'close' button.

Real sweat had begun to form on my forehead so I wiped it off with the back of my hand then leaned against a wall to steady myself and my rapidly heaving chest. I didn’t even bother to hit the button for my floor because as bad luck would have it, the bastard just happened to live on it. And even worse, next door to mine.

“Eww,” he said, scrunching his nose. He sniffed around then covered his nose. “What the hell? What’s that smell?”

Mrs. Choi mimicked him by sniffing then she shook her head. “I don’t smell anything.”

“You don’t?” He covered his mouth. “It’s so strong!”

I shook my head and looked away. The place smelled like roses (and not the ones that smell like poo-poo) so I knew he was just being his usual annoying self.

“Oh God, I think I’m going to choke.”

The stupid loser didn't even have enough acting talent to be an extra in a low budget porn flick. I looked at him in disgust and wanted to make him choke on my fist but since Mrs. Choi was there, I couldn’t do anything because I knew that she’d turn around and relay everything to my mother. So I waited patiently to hear the ding indicating that we’d gone past the third floor.

Probably unsatisfied with my lack of response, he decided to use the direct approach. “So Hee Soo, what’s your excuse?”

I smoothed my hair as I heard the next ding. As far as I was concerned, there were only two people in the elevator.

“ Don’t you think that a girl your age should at least shower once in a while?”

"Young man, what are you saying?" Mrs. Choi scolded. "Stop being so rude!"

"You're only saying that because you can't smell it, Ma'am. If you could, you'd agree with me," he said in a pained voice.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot and waited for the next ding. We’d just gone past the fifth floor when he started laughing.

When the elevator stopped at our floor, I flew out and ran to my apartment. I turned the key, went in and shut the door behind me. After I looked around and saw that I was the only one home, I let out a sigh of relief and promised to get Park Ji Tae back at the first chance I had.

Chapter 2

2010-12-30T21:30:00.000-05:00

“What’s Ji Tae Oppa doing over there?” Mi Soo asked as we walked through the back door of our building. Our hands were filled with bottle filled trash bags because my parents had had a few friends over for lunch so, of course, the people who’d been relegated to their bedrooms the whole time, The Suckers (i.e. my sister and I) who didn’t even get to enjoy anything, had to clean up after they left. And unlike almost everyone in my building, we didn’t have any maids to cater to our every need. Not that we were poor or anything. My father is a partner at an accounting firm and my Mom an actuarial scientist (yep, I have boring parents) but we lived where CEOs, best-selling authors and the like lived. Why? How? Because my mother grew up as the daughter of one of those CEOs and when he died, she inherited the apartment. But instead of selling it like normal people did, we moved in.

“He looks so sad,” my dumb sister said, pouting. Can someone explain to me how one sister (the smart one, obviously) could absolutely loathe a person while the other could have a crush on him? Sometimes I felt that she didn’t really like him but was doing it just to get on my nerves. And boy did she love to do that… isn’t that what every single 11 year old lived for?

Ignoring her, I threw my bags in the trash bin then took hers and threw it in. I’d already turned around to go back to my lovely home when she grabbed my hand and pleaded, “Unnie, let’s go and talk to him and see what the matter is!”

“Shut the fcuk up,” was my reply to her. Why in the world would I care about what was bothering him? If anything, I hoped it killed him.

***

“Umma,” Mi Soo called. She was on her tiptoes staring outside of the window. It was dinnertime and as usual, one of The Suckers had the task of setting the table. You know how some families just ate whenever they were hungry? Well not mine. My mother is psychotic so we always have to set the table and make a big deal about every freaking meal. Even breakfast! We always have to use nice linen, cutlery etc etc and act like we were descendants of Emperor Sunjong. I think it came from her growing up with all that money. Except that instead of having maids, she had children so we had chores, like setting and clearing the table for every meal. And my father’s no better. One of his favorite sayings is, “A family that prays together stays together” except that since we weren't religious, he applied it to everything else. You think I am kidding? Unlike most people whose parents stopped dropping them off at school by the time they left elementary school, mine still did. Not on some days, no. Every. Freaking. Day.

“Umma!” Mi Soo repeated. “I think that’s Ji Tae Oppa. He’s been there all day!” she cried. We both went to the window and looked down. My apartment complex had tennis courts, swimming pools and all that great stuff and right next to the dimly lit pool sat the idiot.

Okay, let me not be a bi.tch about it. So his parents had been fighting all day. Our apartments were supposed to be sound proof but sounds tended to carry when people were so angry that they forgot to shut their doors tight. They were actually a nice looking couple: Mr. Park the plastic surgeon with his never aging beautiful housewife. As I said, she never aged so I always wondered how many procedures she had a year… maybe three? One to keep the eyes bright, another to keep her cheeks tight and the last to keep her lips full (I couldn’t think of a word that rhymed). But she was a sweet woman so maybe I shouldn’t talk about her that way. Okay, so she didn’t exactly go around baking cookies and all that bullshit but she was friends with my mom and I always liked having her around because she was always on The Suckers’ side. What do I mean? Take this scenario:

Me: Umma, my friends and I are going bowling tomorrow night. Can I have 20,000 won?
Umma: Are you taking me with you?
Me(confused): Uhm… no.
Umma: Then why do you want to take my money with you?
Me: *Pissed off and irritated that I wasn’t born into another family *
Bastard’s Mother: Come on, Unnie, give the girl some money. If she can’t have fun at this age, when can she?

See? That’s why I like her and why I keep a list of things I need in anticipation of her next visit. So as I said, they were a cool couple… at least, better than their son but over the past few months or so, they’d been fighting a lot. And seeing as we had sound proof walls, it wasn’t that they kept us up every night but sometimes, I guess when they were too angry to care about proprieties, I would see them fighting in the parking lot or they’d slam a door.

So maybe Ji Tae was sitting out there looking pitiful because he was sick of listening to all the screaming or maybe, just maybe, his mother had done something right and he’d been kicked out of the house and he’d have to spend the night outside where hungry wild dogs would find him and have him as their dinner. Then, of course, I’d wear yellow and dab my dry eyes at the funeral but on the way home, I’d stop by the butcher’s and buy the best cuts of meat to leave out for the wild dogs as a special thank you. Of course, we didn’t exactly live in the wilderness so I wouldn't know where the wild dogs would come from but please leave me to my fantasies! And no, I’m not evil or anything so it’s not like I’m wishing a violent death on him but if his parents happened to kick him out and he just happened to get eaten by wild dogs, how’s that my fault?

I was still staring at his pathetic figure when my mother called me. I turned around to find her holding a tray filled with food at me.

“Umma, what’s this?”

“What does it look like? How many times do I have to tell you to stop asking foolish questions?”

I gritted my teeth but didn’t say anything. Weren’t mothers supposed to be the nicest, sweetest people on the planet? Wasn’t I supposed to hold on so tightly to her on the day she dropped me off at college then drink myself into a stupor because I didn’t know how I’d live without her? But right there, staring at her bored face, I wished I could time travel into the future just so I wouldn’t have to live with her any longer.

“Umma, what do you want me to do with it?”

“Take it down to him,” she said, tilting her head towards the window.

WTF? “Why?” I cried.

“Umma! Umma! Let me take it,” my little sister interjected. When we looked at her, she got on her knees and put her palms together. “Umma, please! Please!” she begged.

“No, it’s too heavy for you,” my mother replied, looking away from her.

So did I look like a freaking weight lifter? Why didn’t I act like every other girl and diet myself till I looked half dead? I cursed the huge bowl of noodles I’d had for lunch. “But Umma, why do we even have to give him any food?”

“Because I don’t think he’s had dinner.”

“So what? If he’s hungry, all he has to do is go home.” Oh, did I forget to mention that my mother happens to have a reputation for being extremely nice? Can you believe that? Actually, I can because she’s pretty much wonderful to everyone but us... I guess she still hasn't gotten over the labor pains.

She shoved the tray in my hands. “Just do what you’re told for once. And stay till he finishes eating so that you can bring the empty dishes back.”

I grumbled as I walked out of the door then kicked it shut behind me. I looked down at the bowl of soup in disgust and wondered how sick he’d get if I peed in it.

Chapter 3

2010-12-29T21:31:00.000-05:00

Oh God, I hate my life. It was bad enough that I had to step out of my home after I'd been prepared to chow down on my dinner but not only did I have to give Him food, I also had to watch him eat? Did I really commit such terrible crimes in my previous life? As I went down the elevator, I planned to just leave the food, walk around the complex for a few minutes then return when I was sure he’d finished eating. There was no way I was actually going to watch him pick a spoon up, scoop some rice in it, open his mouth and stick it in. Ewww. I could already feel my lunch coming up my throat.

“You,” I called when I was a few feet behind him. It’d expected him to turn around on hearing the sound of my feet on the grass or at least the sound of them on the pavement… after all, I'd been dragging them for a reason. But nothing. He just had to make me speak to him. He was so lifeless that I squinted to make sure someone hadn’t sculpted a not quite broad-shouldered statue on the pool chair. Then he coughed. “You,” I repeated.

He turned around and after his eyes registered recognition, he frowned. As.shole. It wasn't like I'd expected him to jump into my arms and ask me how my day had been but why the hell did he have to frown? What had I ever done to him? But being the nice, wonderful person that I am, I ignored that transgression and walked over to him.

“Here,” I said, holding the tray out to him.

“What’s that?” he asked suspiciously.

“It’s my science project.” I mean, what the hell? Other than a tray filled with food, what else could a tray filled with food be?

“What?”

“Look,” I said, “my mother sent this for you. She saw you sitting here and thought you looked hungry."

His frown deepened. “Do I look like a beggar to you? If I’m hungry, I’ll go home.”

I nodded in agreement. “That’s exactly what I told her but she forced me to bring this here.” Since he made no move to take it from me, I dropped the tray in the chair next to him. “I have to stay till you finish eating so could you just start?”

He looked at me incredulously. “I already told you that I don’t want it, so take it back with you.”

What the fcuk? “Look. There’s no way I am carrying all that food back with me so you’d better start eating,” I said, pushing the chair closer to him.

He pushed it back, almost knocking the tray off.

“Are you crazy?” I screamed. “Are you trying to throw away the food my mother spent her time cooking? I know you have no manners but isn’t that too much? Why are you insulting Umma?”

“Listen--”

Before he could finish his sentence, his stomach growled. Then growled again. And again. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. So his dumb ass was hungry but he was just being stubborn? Well, I figured it was time for me to teach him the downside of stubbornness.

I took a deep breath, put my poker face on and looked at him. “Well,” I started with mock pity, “I guess you’re not hungry. I’m sorry that you think my dear family is treating you like a beggar.” I bent down to pick the tray. I couldn’t be too sure but I could have sworn that he reached out for it but quickly stopped himself.

I walked over to the trash can. “As I said, this is too heavy for me to carry all the way home so I guess I’d better empty these plates now.” I picked up the bowl of rice and turned it over into the trash. Next was the plate of barbequed beef. I picked a piece of meat up and popped it into my mouth.

“Hmm,” I said in exaggerated satisfaction. “This is soooooo good. It’s a shame it’s going to waste.” I finished my sentence as I dumped the rest of the beef in the trash.

I didn’t say a word to him after emptying all the other dishes. Instead, I picked up my tray and skipped back into the building with the biggest grin on my face.

***
“What the hell was that?” and a slap on the head was my welcome back into the apartment.

Sh.it! In my quest to teach that idiot a lesson, I’d forgotten that my mother would be watching. So, of course, she saw the whole thing. I gazed up at her sheepishly with the kind of look that was meant to melt a mother’s heart.

But providing me with further proof that there was a good chance I'd been adopted, it had no effect on her. Instead, she pulled me into the house by my ear. I winced in pain as she dragged me past my giggling sister and into the kitchen. I put the tray on the counter with her fingers still on my ear. “Umma, please stop!” I begged.

“Why should I?” she asked, twisting it even harder. “How dare you throw it away? I sent you down there for one thing but instead you did another. What's wrong with you?”

At that moment, my father walked out of the bedroom. “What’s all this noise about?”

She let go of my ear and turned to him. “Why don’t you ask your daughter? Why don’t you ask your daughter why she threw out the food that I’d slaved to cook? How dare she?"

One of the joys that came with being born to a mother like mine was that she always acted like housework was much harder than it really was. Not that I’d actually had to do it all but really, how hard could it be?

She sighed. "And there's a hungry boy down there and she was so heartless. Where does she get it from?”

She looked so disappointed that I almost regretted it. Almost.

She glared at me for a few moments then lifted her arms in surrender. Then she turned around and mumbled to herself as she marched out of the kitchen.

My confused father looked at me. “What did you do?”

Chapter 4

2010-12-28T21:32:00.000-05:00

So there I was again, a few feet from Him, dragging my feet blah blah blah… you get the point. The other night, my mother had sent my very excited sister down to Him with a second tray of food. My share of dinner, by the way, and I had to make do with peanut butter sandwiches. I was sure it was no coincidence that I started the next morning with two freshly minted zits on my right cheek.

Frowning at the prospect of being known as ‘Pizza Face’, I called out to him.

He turned around, looked me over and… smiled? Or was that a smile? Or maybe he had some sort of medical condition that made his cheek twitch at random times. Okay, but seriously, why couldn’t he just stay at home for goodness sake? Isn’t the normal reaction to your parents fighting locking yourself in your room and playing your music really loud? Isn’t that what happened in all the movies? Why did he have to sit by the pool so that my nosy mother could see him and send him dinner? How’s that fair to me?

I thought about my growling tummy and with a newly found determination, walked up and dropped the tray on the table in front of him.

“What the…?”

“Look, you have to eat this, okay?” I sighed with all my might then sat across from him with a flare. Oscar, here I come!

He stared at me for a few moments then looked at the tray. “I thought my mother was the best cook in the world but I guess I was wrong. I really enjoyed the meal your sister brought the other day.”

Oh… how sweet. Well, I won’t be repeating that to my mother. “Well, lucky for you, I cooked today.”

“Really?” He picked up the chopsticks and looked at them.

“Because of you, I’m on punishment. I have to cook dinner for two weeks.”

He narrowed his eyes and looked around. Then he smiled. “She saw the whole thing?” he reached across and picked some vegetables.

“Yes, okay? The next time you want to brood, go to the tennis courts or someplace that’s not like directly under our building so that my mother doesn’t have to look down and see you.”

He sipped some water. Then as if the implication of what I’d said had suddenly hit him, he glared at me. “What did you just say?”

“Look, just hurry and eat so I can leave. I don’t want to be here for longer than I have to.”

“Why do you have such a fcuking attitude?”

“Why don’t you just fcuking shut up and eat?” I hissed then looked away. The way the lights hit the pool gave it an eerie but pleasant look. It'll be nice to go swimming at night, I thought. I was considering walking over to the pool and running my fingers in the water when I remembered why I was down there in the first place. “Could you please hurry up?” I asked, looking at him from the side of my eye.

“Chill. I’ll soon be done,” he said with his mouth full.

Disgustiod. Didn’t he know not to talk with his mouth full? I turned around to look at him. “I’m sure you can eat faster; there’s no way you want to be around my smell for this long.”

He chuckled and kept on eating.

As I watched him shove the food down his throat, it occurred to me that this was probably the most civil conversation I’d had with him in the seven years we’d lived in the same building. I hadn’t seen him the first weeks after our move but finally did when they’d come over to introduce themselves.

At first, everything was cool. I did my thing, they did theirs and since we didn’t even attend the same school, I barely saw him unless we just happened to run into one another in the hallways or by the elevator. So there we were, chugging along like civil neighbors till I got lice. Yeah, you heard me, I got lice. A shitty new school with shitty people who had shitty hair filled with lice. And it wasn’t even like I had a lot of friends so up till today, I can’t really say who gave it to me. And the worst part was that Yun Ah didn’t get it. How’s that even fair? If I had to suffer, why couldn’t she?

Anyway, to go with the theme of my life, it just happened to be a particularly resistance case of lice and when all the over-the-counter and doctor prescribed medications weren’t working, my mother made me cut my hair. Not just a little, but practically all of it. Couple that with the fact that I didn’t have breasts at that age and… you get the idea.

So one Saturday, there I was, feeling sorry for myself that in addition to being stuck at home for a good number of days, I was now bald, I was walking around the complex when I happened to see a group of boys playing ping pong.

I always did my best to stay away from huge crowds, especially those made entirely of the more irritating gender so I quickly picked up my pace. I hadn’t even gotten past them when one called out to me.

I turned around and looked at him.

“Do you want to play?” he asked, gesturing with his racket for me to join them.

I quickly shook my head and kept on walking.

“What’s his problem?” he asked his friends.

“You mean ‘her’, right?” Ji Tae asked laughing. Of course, at the time, his voice was indistinguishable to me so I had to look to see who’d said that. It annoyed me that my neighbor could betray me like that. What the hell? I sent him a dirty look but kept on walking.

“You mean that’s a girl?” Someone asked.

Ji Tae laughed even harder. “I promise you - it’s a girl. She’s my neighbor. Her family moved in a few months ago.”

“Are you shitting me?!” an idiot exclaimed. “Then why is she so ugly?”

At this point, Ji Tae was in a fit of hysterics. “Why don’t you ask her?” He laughed some more then said, “Hey, Hee Soo! Stop! Why are you walking so quickly? Could you come back and tell them why you’re so ugly?”

And that was the moment I knew I’d hate him forever.

I gazed up at him with the fresh memories of hatred to find him looking back with a bored expression on his face.

“Are you done?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“You seemed to be in deep thought so I didn’t want to disturb you.” He pointed at the empty dishes. “Thanks a lot. Why don’t I bring them up myself?”

As if the time we’d already spent together wasn’t more than enough he wanted to walk back with me? As if! “No thanks,” I said, reaching for the tray. “But do me a favor; the next time you feel like staying away from home, go and do it somewhere we can’t see you.”

***
“You!” I yelled at Ji Tae at what had become his nighttime spot. He turned around, looked up at me then at my empty hands.

I had to smile at the disappointed look on his face. Didn’t he say that he wasn’t a beggar?

“What do you want?” he asked suspiciously.

I gestured for him to stand up. “My mother is calling you.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “Just come, okay? Otherwise I’m in trouble.”

He still didn’t move. “Is that supposed to be some kind of incentive for me to follow you?”

I bowed exaggeratedly. “Your highness, please come up. I am sure my mother is watching and after all the food she’s given you, don’t you think you owe her this small favor?”

He didn’t look pleased at my last sentence. In fact, he grunted, but he also stretched his legs out to pick his slippers with his toes then slipped his feet in them.

“This had better be good,” he said, standing up.

I rolled my eyes and led the way back to our building.

The more we walked, the more irritated I was with the situation. Why was he such a pain? Why couldn’t he just stay home when his parents were fighting?

“Because they’ve started including me in their fights.”

What the fcuk? How the hel… could he… ehm, could he read minds?

He must have noticed my quizzical look because he said, “I know you were talking to yourself but I heard you.”

I thought aloud? Sh.it. I gave him an apologetic look and opened the back door to our building.

“They usually go through this every few years,” he continued, “ but I guess that now that I’m older, they feel okay including me in their fights – trying to get me to pick sides, you know?”

I didn’t really know but I nodded like I did. I didn’t know what to say or do so I just kept walking to the elevators.

“But I just hope they get over this so that everything can get back to normal. Maybe it’s because I’m older now but it seems really bad this time.” He pressed the call button and looked at me. “Do your parents go through this as well?”

“Yes,” I lied.

Chapter 5

2010-12-27T16:44:00.000-05:00

“So how’s school?” My suddenly sweet mother asked Ji Tae.

Can someone explain to me how “How’s school?” is an interesting question? Every single adult I met always asked me that question –it was like they' all learned it at some parenting class. But the thing was that regardless of the time of the day, the day of the week or the week of the year, my answer remained the same: “Fine.” Never once did I go into any discussions about how I was flunking Physics or how much I liked the new English teacher or how the school curriculum wasn’t up to my liking. Yet, they all asked it. E.V.E.R.Y.T.I.M.E.

“Fine,” he predictably said, smiling back at her.

I glanced at my sister who was looking up at him like he was Kwon Sang Woo. Girl, get a grip.

“How are your classes going?” was my father’s mundane contribution to the conversation.

I had to hold my head up to keep myself from dozing off. If Ji Tae hadn’t been with us, we’d have had our usual dinner with my parents talking about work and my sister getting on my nerves. Twenty minutes later, we’d have cleared the table and gone to our rooms to study. But because we had His Highness with us, we were having a conversation that could cure insomnia.

The uninspiring conversation inspired me to shove all my food down in about five minutes but when I got up to leave, Umma gave me Look Number 6, which was the one that meant, “Sit your butt down!” But hey, we had a guest, right? I could pretend I didn’t see it and leave anyway. So I started to do just that.

“Hee Soo. Don’t you know it’s rude to leave the dinner table while everyone else is still eating?”

“But I’ve finished eating,” I replied my mother in the sweetest of voices.

“So what? Why were you rushing in the first place? I hope you haven’t made yourself sick. Alright, sit down. You can get up when everybody is done.”

I obeyed her but pouted the whole time. I tried my best not to look but from what I could see, it appeared that Ji Tae had turned into the funniest comedian on earth with Mi Soo as his biggest fan. My sister was giggling so much that I wanted to reach across and tap her head just to ensure that it wasn’t hollow. I shut my eyes and prayed that she’d outgrow this phase and not grow up to become a reality show star.

After a few more pain-filled minutes, everyone was done with their meal so I finally got up to clear the table. My father often said that we were too young for others to be picking up after us so as usual, I picked up all the adults’ dishes as well as all the general ones. When it became clear that I wasn’t picking up Ji Tae’s dishes, my mother asked me about it.

I smiled at her and proudly reminded her of my father’s policy.

“So what?”

“Well, he’s only 1 year older than me,” I pointed out.

“And what does that have to do with anything?”

“Isn’t he still young enough to pick up after himself?”

My mother wasn't buying it. “Does he live here?”

With the amount of food he’d been eating, he might as well have. Not that I relayed that thought to my mother. Instead I shook my head.

“So why should he enter our kitchen?”

I glanced at him and caught him hiding a smile that was begging me to punch his teeth into his throat. Since I didn’t have any reasonable answer for my mother, I gave in and began to pick up his plates.

The chair screeched against the floor as my mother stood up. “Instead of just doing that in the first place, you decided to be naughty. I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

***
“So what are you having?” Kyung Min asked me.

“What does she usually have?” Yun Ah interjected.

He shrugged. “Anything is possible… she could have changed her mind today.”

“Babe, in the 2 years you’ve known her, has she ordered anything other than noodles before? And I’m not talking about when we all order galbi.”

“She ordered gimpap that one time,” Ki Won reminded her.

I stuck my tongue out at her. “There you go.”

“Yeah, one time she didn’t order noodles. Let’s clap for her,” she said before proceeding to actually clap.

I frowned and sent her a threatening look.

“No, not just once. She’s ordered dumplings before,” Ki Won added, coming to my rescue once again.

I smiled at my knight in shining armor then back at Yun Ah who was now rolling her eyes. It was the world’s worst kept secret that Ki Won was in love with me. In fact, it wasn’t a secret at all. According to folklore, he instantly fell in love with me the moment I walked into Drama Club, which was the reason he and Kyung Min (who was supposedly his wingman) had spoken to us in the first place. I always found it odd that I was the reason they'd approached us because while Yun Ah was petite with big eyes and a nose that I never could believe wasn't surgically altered, I was pretty tall with a flat chest and skin that tended to break out at the worst times. Anyway, the boys had become our friends and two years later, while Yun Ah now referred to Kyung Min as her “First Husband,” Ki Won and I were just friends.

Not that I didn’t like him or anything, in fact, next to Yun Ah, he was my bestfriend in the whole world. And not that he was bad to look at… okay, so maybe he hadn't been so hot on that first day they spoke to us but halfway though year 10, he’d grown about 7 inches and instantly become a Kingka. And he did have a bit of je ne sais quoi. And even though he was one of the scholarship kids at our school, being one of the top strikers on the soccer team with a hot bod to match kind of overshadowed his lack of finances. Not that anyone at my school really cared about family wealth. Okay, let me rephrase that. The kids at my school were heirs to the wealthiest fortunes in Korea that so many of them were so used to it that they couldn't be bothered to think about money. I mean, there were some losers who snubbed him but the fact that he was hot, smart and athletic, made the horny girls forget that he couldn’t buy them a Mercedes at the mere thought of it.

For a while, my lack of attraction to him really bothered me. There was a hot, awesome guy who wanted me and I felt absolutely nothing but brotherly love towards him. Was it because I was a lesbian? But then I thought about all the fleeting crushes I'd had and my never ending one on Kwon Sang Woo and decided (with Yun Ah) that I just wasn’t mentally ready for a relationship and that when I was, he’d be my first choice.

“Oppa,” a skinny, pretty girl with far too long hair called from the doorway. Whenever I saw her, I wondered if she was growing her hair just so that she could donate it to wig makers.

“Oh s.hit,” Yun Ah said underneath her breath.

I kicked her from under the table then turned around and waved the girl to our table. Soo Young was none other than Ki Won’s girl of the month. A kingka had his fair share of girls and my dear friend was no exception.

Soo Young didn’t return my smile. Instead, she ignored me and ran over and planted a big kiss on her man's cheek. After making sure that everyone around had seen her mark her territory, she sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. As usual, Ki Won looked uncomfortable and as usual, I squeezed his arm to reassure him that we didn’t mind the PDA. Did I fail to mention that every single girlfriend of his hated me? He made it clear to them that he was waiting for me to be ‘mentally ready for a relationship’ and although they all claimed to be alright with it at the start of their relationship, they detested me by the end of it. I was sure it had something to do with girls always thinking that they could change boys. Sadly, I was well aware of the fact that there was a growing group of girls that hated me so whenever I slipped or hurt myself in any way, Yun Ah joked that it was because those girls were playing with the voodoo doll they’d made in my likeness.

I was trying my best not to notice Soo Young running her hand through Ki Won’s hair when Yun Ah coughed and said, “Hey, your best friend just walked in.”

I looked at the doorway to see Ji Tae and his friends walk into the restaurant. Even with all the money that went into our school, our cafeteria food still sucked so practically no one stayed on campus for lunch.

Ki Won had suggested this hole in the wall because, other than the fact that the food was good, it was also cheap and well within his budget. And mine. So the first time Ji Tae walked into the place, it really pissed me off that an idiot who got chauffer-driven to school had the gall to walk into a place like it.

So on that day, as usual, I scowled at the sight of him. The four of us had only been hanging out for about a month by that time so the boys had yet to witness any of my run-ins with Him.

So there he was, acting all high and mighty and haggling with the poor ajumma who was just trying to make a living selling food to anyone, including spoilt brats with ridiculous trust funds.

He was arguing with the woman to get a discount for his large group of friends that I couldn’t keep my fury in any longer. “Look, if you think it’s too expensive, find another place,” I yelled.

From the side of my eye, I could see Ki Won shocked to see the sweet little girl he was crushing on screaming at some random twerp.

“Was I talking to you?” he asked calmly.

I stood up. “Dude, who aren’t you talking to? You’re screaming so loudly that you’re talking to everyone within a 1km radius!”

“Just sit down and mind your business,” he said, waving me off.

His dismissiveness only served to further piss me off. “Who the fcuk do you think you are?” I saw Ki Won’s eyes grow at the sound of the curse word escaping my lips. If I’d paid attention, I would probably have stopped to keep him from getting a concussion from opening his eyes so wide. But right then, I couldn't care less about what was going around me. What gave Him the audacity to try to trespass on our turf? It was bad enough that I sometimes ran into him at home and school but now I had to deal with him while I ate?

“Look, I wasn’t talking to you, okay?” he said.

“It doesn’t matter. She already told you how much everything costs. If you can’t pay, just get the hell out and leave the rest of us in peace! Get the fcuk out of here!” I screamed.

Something in my last sentence must have gotten to him because he screamed back and before we knew it, we were all standing outside the place with the ajumma waving a spoon and threatening to send us six feet under if we dared set our feet in her place again. Of course, we later apologized and became regular customers.

Since shouting matches were now banned, I couldn’t say anything to him even if I wanted to. He hadn’t been to our place in the past few weeks so everything had gone back to normal i.e. pretending the other didn’t exist. After all, a few dinners did not a friend make.

“So no comments today?” Yun Ah asked, looking at me thoughtfully. She was rubbing her fingers on her chin like a television detective.

I glanced at her. “About what?”

She pushed her head in his direction. “About him. You usually have something scathing to say whenever we run into him but you haven't said anything the last few times.”

I rolled my eyes. “What’s your point?” Why was she always trying to start something? I turned away from her and smiled at Ki Won who'd been watching our exchange with a bit too much interest. “Have you placed my order?”

Chapter 6

2010-12-26T16:45:00.000-05:00

“Oh, by the way, Ji Tae will be spending his evenings with us from now on,” my mother said offhandedly. She’d just picked my sister and me up from school and was driving us home.

My mouth flung open. If she was going to drop a bomb, why not at least give me some prior warning? Is it fair for me to be walking all merrily along only to have something drop down from the sky and explode on my head? What happened to compassion?

“W-W-Wh--” I couldn’t even get the word out.

My mother sneered at me. “What’s wrong with you?”

“But why?” I cried. Without even looking at the backseat, I could tell that my sister was beaming with happiness and that only served to further depress me.

My mother cleared her throat. “His parents have decided to separate so his mother is working nights and can’t be home with him.”

She went on to explain that it had been a bad break up so his mother had refused to take any money from her husband, who was more than happy to oblige. Since she hadn’t worked in so many years, she was finding it hard to find a job worthy of her qualifications but in the meantime, was working as a tutor at an examination preparation center. My mother said she thought that it had a lot to do with the fact that their friends had now become his friends.

Okay, so the violins had begun to play and the PMSing girls had begun to sniffle but what did that have to do with me? Didn’t he have relatives, friends, teachers, priests, social workers or anybody else to go to? Besides, why did a grown ass boy need a babysitter? I rubbed my temples to ease the tension that had begun to build in my head. I took at deep breath in and sat up straight. “Mom, I’m sure he'll be fine,” I told her in a reassuring voice. “He’ll probably prefer to be on his own.”

Without taking her eyes from the road, my mother said, “His parents might be getting a divorce and now his mother is working. Things have changed a lot so I just want to give him a feeling of normalcy, you know? I would want a kind soul to do the same thing for my child if, God forbid, I ended up in the same situation. Since he doesn't have any siblings, he'll be all alone at home. And I don’t think she has many relatives in the area. I know you hate him but could you set your feelings aside this one time?” She reached across and rubbed my shoulder like only a mother could. A mother of the manipulative variety.

"Please?"

I groaned but was grateful that she hadn't batted her eyelashes at me. “I don’t hate him,” I said in a small voice.

“Yes, you do!” the dummy in the back seat countered.

I turned around and hit her on the head. “Just shut up.” I really wasn’t in the mood for her bulls.hit.

“How many times have I told you not to hit your sister?” my mother scolded as she slapped me on the side of my head.

***

Because Ji Tae had already become somewhat familiar with my family, the conversation that first evening was quite normal, except that while my parents were having their conversations about actuarial science/accounting/taxes or whatever the hell excited them, my sister was both annoying me and hanging on to his every word.

“So, Ji Tae,” my father started, clearing his throat. We were just about done with dinner. “We were wondering if you would mind being a tutor.”

Tutor? “You know someone looking for a tutor?” I interrupted excitedly. “Which subject? I could do it!” I’d been begging my parents to let me get a job because I was getting sick of having to ask them for money. My father had always said he felt I was too young to get a job but what the hell, the minute they found something I could do, instead of giving it to their own flesh and blood they wanted to pass it on to the neighbor? I understood the concept of hurting the ones you love but weren’t they take it too far?

“Hee Soo doesn’t want to do it?” Ji Tae asked. “I heard she’s a good student so she might want it,” he said, glancing at me.

Aww... maybe he wasn't so bad after all. I almost smiled at him till I replayed what he’d said in my head. He’d heard? He was hearing things about me? What the...? And which sick fool was telling him stuff about me? About me of all people? What was going on? I balled my hand into a fist and decided that I'd eventually sniff the mole out but right then, I had more pressing issues.

“Appa, please, I want to do it.”

My sister groaned. “Appa say no! Unnie can’t do it.”

I looked over to the little traitor and snarled at her. Everyone said she was going to grow up to look just like me so I figured that it was high time I rearranged her face. “Why can’t you just shut up?”

She folded her arms. “Because I’m getting the tutor,” she finished with a flourish before sticking her tongue out at me.

After my mother hit her on the head and reprimanded her for being ill-mannered, my father continued. “Mi Soo is having problems with math; I was told that this is one of your strengths."

Ji Tae looked at us in confusion then pointed at me. “But why not her?”

I backed away. “No, it’s okay – you teach her.” I’d have picked bricklaying to tutoring my sister. She was actually pretty good in subjects that required words but put some numbers in front of her and she turned into a bumbling idiot. By my last count, I’d lost about seventy-three and a half strands of hair trying to teach her.

Ji Tae looked at us uncertainly. “I really don--”

“Please, Oppa,” my sister begged. “Unnie turns into a witch--”

I slapped her head.

“Did you see that? You see what I mean?” she yelped. She immediately rubbed her head and started to cry.

I rolled my eyes. From the way she was going on, you’d have thought I’d stabbed her in the gut.

I was about to hit her again just so that the pain would at least match the tears when my Mom barked at me to load the dishwasher.

I was dancing to the rhythm of the running dishwasher when my mother walked into the kitchen. I took that as my cue to leave.

“Where are you going?” my mother asked as I walked past her.

To watch Youtube. “To study,” I replied.

“You can do that in the Study.”

What? In the study? With the chairs that were not my bed, the cabinets that didn’t have my hidden stash of chocolates and the computer with a screensaver that wasn’t Kwon Sang Woo? “Why?”

“When Ji Tae’s finishes helping your sister, I’m going to suggest that he join you in there.”

B-B-But…

Before I could say anything, she added, “Don’t you think that it’s better for him to be with someone his own age? His mother won’t be returning for a few more hours so why don’t you study together? He could probably help you with your homework.”

***

“What are you doing?” Ji Tae asked, walking into the study and shutting the door behind him.

“Knitting a sweater,” I said before I could stop myself. Then I remembered that there was no reason for me to even bother to stop myself. “Yes, as you can see, I’m knitting a sweater.”

He walked over and peered at the computer screen from behind me. “You can spare me the sarcasm. It’s not like I could see… oh, Lost.”

“Yeah,” I said, not taking my eyes off the computer screen. I sucked on the candy I'd gotten from my room.

I looked up to see him squinting at the screen.

“I don’t recognize this episode,” he said, glancing at me.

“You watch Lost too?”

He nodded.

“This one just aired in America three days ago,” I said, pointing at the screen. “It finally got uploaded today."

He pulled a chair and got ready to sit. Next to me. “Dude, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” he asked, sitting down. “I want to watch it too.”

What the hell? I moved my chair a few inches away from his. “Don’t you have a computer at home?”

“So?”

“So watch it on that.” I moved a few more inches away and moved the monitor screen along. I glanced at him then caressed the arm hairs that had already begun to stand. Okay, so the hairs didn’t really stand, but they should have. When the Devil moves close to you, all your senses should be alert and your hairs should stand up in fright. That was the unwritten rule! In fact, it was so important that it deserved to be a written rule. So I stretched across and pulled a piece of paper from the printer and wrote it down with the hopes that my arm hair would remember it the next time around. Then I looked over at him and shuddered. I made a mental note to ask Umma to make me some garlic necklaces for our next study session. A few moments later, I opened another browser window and logged on to my hotmail account. “What’s your email address? I can send you the link.”

He gave it to me. “Do they also have the earlier episodes from this season?” he asked.

I nodded. “As you can see, this is the 6th episode.” Well, he couldn’t actually see since I’d turned the monitor away from him but I was sure he understood it was all figurative. “… So there are 6 episodes from this season but you can find older ones too.”

“Cool. Could you also send me the links to those ones?”

I rolled my eyes. “All you have to do is look through this person’s account or do a search. It’s not brain surgery you know,” I said as I copied and pasted the link into the message window.

Shortly after, he logged on to the other computer but instead of studying like any self-respecting student would, went straight to his hotmail account. “This is in English," he said a few minutes later.

Could someone please sound a gong for Captain Obvious? “It’s an American show.”

“But are there subtitles?”

“Do you see any?”

He shook his head in mild annoyance. “What I mean is: do you understand English?”

I shrugged. “Sure I do. But only in English class.”

“Then how do you watch this?”

By opening my eyes and staring at the computer screen. Surely that wasn’t too difficult to understand. I decided he had the brain capacity of a three year old so I explained to him the importance of body language and how one could just fill the blanks in with common sense.

Soon after, it was his turn to talk to me like a one and half year old and explain that not only did he understand English, he was fluent in it. Apparently, his mother was Korean-American, they’d lived there till he was 7 and still went back every summer.

I let it all digest till it hit me that I could finally find out what Henry had said to Jack in episode three. Beaming at him, I grabbed a chair, patted the seat and granted him the honor of becoming my translator.

Chapter 7

2010-12-25T16:45:00.000-05:00

Han Bi: Henry really said that? Are you sure?
KSW Oppa’s Wife: That's what Ji Tae said.
Han Bi: Whatever. I bet he’s a faker – he’s probably only been to America in his dreams.
KSW Oppa’s Wife: lol

And I actually laughed out loud. Well, not really, but I chuckled. It’s funny how everyone tended to exaggerate online. Other than guys adding an average of 4 inches to their heights and women subtracting an average of 15lbs, simple expressions like ‘lol’ actually meant “I’m slightly amused." Something like ‘rotflmao’ meant “That was cute” and for me, more often than not, ‘brb’ meant “I don’t want to talk to you.”

KSW Oppa’s Wife: Oppa, did u finally watch Xman last week?
Han Bi: How many times will I tell you that I don’t watch that crap?
KSW Oppa’s Wife: You really should. It was pretty good because they had DBSK on but I don’t understand why they won’t get Sang Woo Oppa.
Han Bi:

Oh, and meant “I have no point so I’ll just pretend I’m rolling my eyes.” Kang Han Bi was a second year college student I’d previously met at one of my grandfather’s (now uncle’s) company’s shareholder’s meetings. Just like everyone else under 21, he'd looked bored and annoyed at being forced to attend another stupid meeting where the adults kissed each other’s asses while their male kids sat stiffly with 500,000 Won ties strangling the color out of their faces.

I was standing stiffly at the bar in my 100,000 Won toe-pinching shoes trying to see if I could dig a hole in ground with the heel and disappear when he walked up to me. Since I was going through my “I hope I am not a lesbian” phase, I talked to him and gave him my number. A little over a year later, we were friends who kept in touch mainly by Instant Messenger.

Han Bi: What are you doing this weekend?

I was about to type my usual, “nothing” when another window popped up.

KSW Oppa’s Wife: brb

I clicked on the blinking window.

Ass-Anal sucks: Hey.

Uhm. Okay. I had this knack for allowing myself to be added to every single contact list and it looked like it had come back to bite me in the ass.

Ass-Anal sucks: What’s up?

I looked at the email address but couldn’t place it.

KSW Oppa’s Wife: Who the hell is this?
Ass-Anal sucks: Jesus.

So not only was it deranged, it was also stupid?

KSW Oppa’s Wife: Was that supposed to be funny?
Ass-Anal sucks: What’s funny about saving your soul?
KSW Oppa’s Wife: Fcuk off, you sick freak. I’m blocking you now.
Ass-Anal sucks: Chill. It’s Ji Tae.

What the…? How tha…? Then I put 2 and 2 together and figured that he must have gotten my address from the email I sent him with the Lost links. What a stalker.

Ass-Anal sucks: Are you still there or have you run off?

I could practically see him smirking.

KSW Oppa’s Wife: Why would I run off?
Ass-Anal sucks: Ask yourself that question.
KSW Oppa’s Wife: wtf?
Ass-Anal sucks: Whatever. Can you read Chinese?

What? What kind of conversation were we having? Was I in some kind of alternate dimension? I looked around but everything looked the same.

KSW Oppa’s Wife: Why do you want to know that?
Ass-Anal sucks: It’s a simple question: Yes or No?

No.

KSW Oppa’s Wife: I can manage.
Ass-Anal sucks: Cool. I found a site that has recent Lost episodes subtitled in Chinese. I’ll send you the link.

Ehm… Okay. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that.

KSW Oppa’s Wife: Cool.
Ass-Anal sucks: So who’s KSW?
KSW Oppa’s Wife: You don’t know Kwon Sang Woo?
Ass-Anal sucks: Is that the one from the crappy girly movie about the two guys in the palace?

I chuckled. It was funny how almost every guy I knew hated The King and The Clown.

“What’s funny?” Yun Ah asked, interrupting me in mid-type.

I quickly covered the MSN window with my hands. “It’s none of your business.”

But that only intensified her curiosity. “What?” She tried to pull my hands off but I elbowed her side.

“Ouch. Why are you so mean? Okay just tell me who it is.”

I shook my head.

“Hee Soo’s got a boyfriend, Hee Soo’s got a boyfriend,” she teased. She probably would have kept it up all day long if she hadn’t gotten distracted by something on her screen. I didn’t even have to look to know that it must have been something Kyung Min had written on MSN. Could someone please explain why someone would IM the person sitting right next to them? What happened to just turning your head and talking? And this wasn’t a one off thing. Yun Ah and her First Husband did it all the time. They even went as far as IMing eachother while they were on the phone to each other! Was that supposed to be cute?

Ass-Anal sucks just sent you a Nudge!
Ass-Anal sucks: Are you still there?
KSW Oppa’s Wife: Yeah.
Ass-Anal sucks: So am I right? Is that KSW?

Oh, back to this. Of course he wasn’t right. Only a deranged loser would mistake the epitome of maleness for the epitome of femaleness. Lee Jun Ki was cute in his own way but could we not insult Kwon Sang Woo? Thanks in advance. I was about to tell him off when I finally understood who he'd meant.

KSW Oppa’s Wife: Oh. No, dummy. That’s Gam Woo Song. Oppa has been in a lot of dramas and movies like Sad Love Song, Running Wild, My Tutor Friend, Stairway to Heaven etc etc

It turned out he’d seen My Tutor Friend because his ex had brought the DVD over and forced him to watch it with her. It’s funny how you probably knew more about your enemy than you did your friend. He didn’t mention her name but I knew he was talking about Lee Tae Ran: The most annoying do-gooder this side of PETA. After recommending some of Kwon Sang Woo’s work to him, I decided that it was time to change the subject.

KSW Oppa’s Wife: I take it you’re not a fan of sodomy?
Ass-Anal sucks : What?
KSW Oppa’s Wife: Your name
Ass-Anal sucks: lol. Oh. That’s about a soccer team.
KSW Oppa’s Wife: Oh. Arsenal?
Ass-Anal sucks : You know them? Do you like soccer?
KSW Oppa’s Wife: Nope. But Ki Won does. Are you a Man-U fan as well?
Ass-Anal sucks: Hell no. It’s all about Chelsea, baby!

I was about to ask him if I looked like a 15 month old child when Han Bi’s MSN window blinked. I instantly felt bad for forgetting about him but when I started to write my apology, I realized that he was already offline.

When I got back to Ass, he’d begun to write an epistle explaining why Chelsea was the best team in the English Premier League so I left him with a ‘brb’ and started on my homework

****

“I’ve got one question,” Ji Tae said.

He’d returned from helping my sister with her homework and we hadn’t exchanged a word in the fifteen or so minutes he’d been there.

“What?” I asked, not taking my eyes off the fanmade JaeHo video montage I was watching on youtube. I just couldn’t get over how adorable those boys were and when Yun Ho covered Jae Joong’s mouth and hugged him so possessively, my heart fluttered. DBSK rocks!

“How is it that I’ve never seen you study and you’re not flunking out of school?”

I groaned. He was taking my mind off all that JaeHo goodness to ask me that? “I’m just naturally brilliant.”

“No, I’m serious. You don’t wake up in the middle of the night to secretly study, do you?”

“Do I look crazy to you?”'

He looked me straight in the eye. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

“Fcuk off!” I said as I rewound the part where Yun Ho massaged Jae Joong's thigh. I arched my brow and tried to figure out if I found that hot or not.

“But seriously, how do you do it?”

I sighed. Why couldn’t he just let me be? “I just happen to have a photographic memory or whatever. As far as I attend class, I’m fine. And I usually do my homework while waiting for Umma to pick me up. Are you happy now?”

“So you mean to say that if you actually applied yourself you could be a genius?”

I shrugged. “Probably not. Besides, why would I want that?” I reached for my bookbag. “But now that you've disturbed me, I’ve got a math problem for you. I think I’m doing it correctly but it doesn’t fit with the example in the book.”

I pulled out some books and went over to him.

He spent some minutes looking over my work. “Yeah, I think there’s a mistake in the book.”

I was standing behind him and looking over his shoulder. “You’d better be right because if I get this back and the teacher marks it wrong, you’re in big--”

We were interrupted by the sound of the door being opened. We looked around to see my mother walk in.

“You’re still here? Do you think you own this place or what?” my mother asked with irritation. She’d been having problems with one of her contracts and as such, had been spending an inordinate amount of time on it. “Okay, I have some work to do. Go and study in your room.”

What the bloody… “Both of us?”

“Yes.” She looked at me like I'd asked the dumbest question since the last question Jessica Simpson asked.

“But Umma, he’s a guy and I’m a girl.”

“So what? Is anything going to happen?” she asked, daring me to say otherwise.

“Of course not,” I replied in disgust. There was no way I’d committed that many sins in my past life.

“Then what’s the problem? Study in there from now on.”

Chapter 8

2010-12-24T16:46:00.000-05:00

looked at my watch and saw that I had two more minutes left to rest. I’d already swum ten laps and was taking a break before I tackled the next ten. I’d initially planned on taking a five-minute break but at the four-minute mark, I decided I needed an additional five minutes. However, at the eight and half minute mark, I could tell that my muscles weren’t fully rested and stretched so it was only right that I tack on five additional minutes. I massaged the knot that had formed at the back of my neck and wondered if I should consider resting for an additional five minutes. I’d promised myself to beat my long standing record of thirteen and two-thirds laps and I needed to make sure I was in tip-top shape when I resumed swimming.

“Unnie, have you given up?” Mi Soo called from the other end of the pool. If there were other people around, I’d understand why she felt the need to show off all her flips and customized butterfly moves but since we liked to get in and leave before the rest of the complex even thought of swimming, I wished she’d get a life and just swim normally.

“Race you?” a voice from behind asked.

The hair on the back of my neck thought of standing up so I instantly knew who it was. I turned around to see a half naked Ji Tae looking down at me. He was wearing black, baggy swimming trunks with his towel wrapped around his neck. Even though he was no Ki Won, his body was actually not bad… at least not bad for a soccer player who spent most of his time on the bench. His chest looked pretty bare and I wondered if that was because he hadn’t yet reached puberty or because he waxed it. Either way, it screamed, “Loser.”

When I realized that I was staring, I quickly looked away.

“So what do you say? Five laps?” he asked as he climbed into the pool.

What the hell was his problem? It wasn’t bad enough that I had to see him at home now I had to see him at other places? What the hell? Couldn’t he tell that my sister and I were spending some quality time?

“Hello, Oppa,” my sister called.

He waved at her then refocused his attention on me. “Yes or no?” He’d jumped into the pool and was now in the lane next to mine.

“Have you no shame? Why do you want to race a girl?”

“Scared?”

“Are you crazy?” I laughed to emphasize my point but it came out a little louder than I’d hoped.

“Then let’s do it.”

I shrugged. “Why would I? What exactly would I gain from this?”

“The winner gets whatever they want from the loser.”

“I don’t want anything from you so just forget it.” With that, I started on my 10 additional laps. After about 2 laps, I realized that my muscles hadn’t fully rested so I decided to take another break.

I hadn’t even caught my breath when I heard Ji Tae laughing next to me.

“Now I see why you won’t race,” he said between laughs.

Bastard. I turned to tell him to shut up when I suddenly noticed how long his eyelashes were. Maybe it was the moisture on his eyes or the fact that his face had never been that close to mine but they were actually pretty striking. But what the hell? How come girls like Yun Ah had to wear fake eyelashes just so they wouldn’t look bald while a guy got such long, pretty and curly eyelashes? How in the world was that freaking fair? Stupid, disgusting bastard. Was anything good about him?

I looked at him and wished I’d had a tweezer handy so I could pull each and every single lash of his out. “Okay, let’s race,” I said, jumping into the water.

Five laps later, I was fighting what felt like emphysema and cursing the day Ji Tae was born. “You’re an as.shole, you know? Why didn’t you let me win?” I asked between each painful breath.

“Why should I?” he asked, looking proud of himself.

“Have you no manners? If you knew anything about being a gentleman, you’d have let me win.”

“Yeah, right. If I’d let you win, you’d have been just as angry.”

I tsked. I rested my back against the wall of the pool and tried to regain my strength. “That shows how little you know about me. Regardless of how I’d won, I would have gloated and made fun of you for weeks.”

“I can--”

We were interrupted by the sounds of thrashing and splashing from the other side of the pool.

“What’s that?” Ji Tae asked in shock.

I looked around the pool and instantly knew what was going on. “Oh, it’s just Mi Soo. Ignore her," I said, rolling my eyes.

“What? Is she drowning?” His voice was shaking.

I grabbed him just as he turned to swim to her. “Don’t bother – she’s faking it.”

“Get off me!” He tried to shake me off but I was holding on with my all my might. “Hee Soo, what’s your problem? Let me go to her.”

“Are you deaf? Trust me on this; she’s faking it. There’s no way one of the strongest swimmers on her school’s team would drown in the shallow end. She just wants your attention.”

Ji Tae was still fighting me off when the trashing stopped.

“You suck! You suck! I hate you!” Mi Soo screamed as she practically jumped out of the pool. “I hate you both!” She ran back to the building leaving her slippers and towel behind.

“Should I go after her?” Ji Tae asked as he got out of the pool. He looked like a weird combination between confused and shocked. Poor thing. I bet he’d thought that my family was more normal.

He stretched his hand out to help me out of the pool but I pretended not to see it. “Give her time to cool off.” I picked up my towel and dried myself. Despite Mi Soo’s tantrum I was quite pleased with myself for breaking my personal best. Wow, 17 laps! I was sure I was going to make it to 20 the next week. “Don’t worry about her, okay?” I picked up her towel and slippers and put them in the bag I’d brought with me.

“Are you sure?” he asked uncertainly as he ran his towel over his hair.

I nodded as we started to walk back home. “Besides, you can talk to her when you come over this evening. Oh, speaking of which, I tried to watch this show called Heroes but I’m completely confused because I don’t understand what they are saying.”

“What happened to body language and filling the blanks?” He fell in step with me.

I rolled my eyes. “Just translate it when you come over.”

“It’s Saturday so I’m not coming.”

“Oh. But you can still come – it’s not like you’re doing anything better.” Besides, I really needed to know what was happening! There were people flying and there were some weird twins who killed people.

He scoffed at me. “I have a life, you know. I’m not like you.” He opened the door for me.

I went through it and waited for him to shut it behind him. “Whatever. You wish your life was as interesting as mine,” I said as we walked to the elevators. “What could you possibly have to do today?”

“If you really must know, I have a date.”

Chapter 9

2010-12-23T16:47:00.000-05:00

“I have a life, don’t I have a life? I totally have one, don’t you think?” I asked Yun Ah the second she answered her phone. It would have been one thing if someone with a life had said those things to me but Ji Tae? He probably thought starring at a wall was fun.

“Do you want the truth or do you want me to lie and make you feel better?” she asked, sounding bored.

I rolled my eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Instead of answering like a normal person, she laughed.

“What’s funny? Are you trying to say that I don't have a life?”

“Answer me first: Do you want to hear the truth or something nice?” she insisted.

I thought about it for a second. What exactly was this bit.ch insinuating? “Are you saying that the truth isn’t something nice?”

“Yep.”

What a cow! With friends like this... I was about to go off on her when I decided to give it some additional thought. Something nice, huh?

“I don't have all day.”

It had been said that ignorance was bliss so what the hell? “Okay. But you’d better tell me something really nice,” I said before we both burst out laughing.

“But seriously, I can't stay home tonight and just watch my mom clipping my dad’s toenails, so what’s going on?”

She sighed. “The party that Ki Won tried to bribe you to attend - that's what.”

I groaned. “Park Eun Ha’s party? That’s tonight?” I groaned even louder.

“Yep.”

“You know how annoying her voice is. I can't spend the night watching and listening to her. Let’s so somewhere else.”

“You know I can’t because she’s Kyung Min’s cousin and he promised to attend.”

“He promised. Why do you have to go?”

“When you get a boyfriend, you’ll figure it out," she said in that condescending tone married women reserved for their spinster friends.

I rolled my eyes. From the way she acted, you'd think that having a boyfriend raised one’s IQ by like 30 points. “But I really don’t want to come.”

“Then don’t.”

“What's with the meaness, Miss High and Mighty?"

“I need to get dressed and you're wasting my time. Can I hang up now?”

***

“So was the neckline like that?” One girl said, trailing her fingers against her collarbone.

“Yes, can you imagine that? Am I a nun for chrissakes?” her even dumber friend replied.

“But wouldn’t it have been better here?” The first girl said, this time running her fingers along the top of her breasts.

“Exactly. That’s what I said but my grandma was there and she wouldn’t agree. How can I go to my cousins wedding looking like a librarian?”

“I know. How unfair is that? What do you think… ehm… ehm,” the first girl said, looking at me.

I knew I was standing there but I would have been happy to not have been included in their conversation.

“Hee Soo. My name is Hee Soo.” I said, knowing that she’d forget it instantly. From what I could see, she was slightly more intelligent than a bucket of paper mache. I looked around the room and I smiled when I saw a familiar face. “I’m going to get a drink,” I told them before I left.

***

“Ki Won ah,” I said, walking into the kitchen. “Ki Won ah, why does this party suck?”

To my surprise, the kitchen was pretty empty as it only had three other equally as bored people in it.

I kept walking till I was standing next to him then I rested my head on his shoulder. “Why does everyone suck? Why does everything suck?”

He glanced at me. “It doesn’t suck.” He picked up a cup and filled it with punch. “Try to have an open mind and mingle a little. Or you can come and hang out with us.”

I hissed. “Yeah, right. You guys are all coupled up. If I come with, I’d literally be the fifth wheel.”

“Well, if you’d agreed to come with me in the first place, I wouldn’t have brought Soo Jin, would I?”

“Whatever,” I said as I watched him spill some of the liquid on the table. I turned to find a cloth to wipe it off with when I saw Ji Tae walk in with Han Yong Sil – the most annoying do-gooder in my year. Boy did he stick to his type. And to think that this loser had accused me of not having a life? If having a life consisted of ruining the rainforest by handing out numerous pamphlets about things nobody cared about then he was definitely right about me. Besides, weren’t they supposed to doing the whole ‘dinner and movie’ thing or was Eun Ha screening a movie afterwards?

When Ki Won turned to leave, I called him back and asked him about the punch.

He shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess.”

“What’s in it? Rum or Vodka?”

“Vodka.”

“Eww,” I said, making a face. But what the heck, if I couldn’t have fun the least I could do was drink. “Alright, let me taste it,” I said, sticking my head out so that he could feed it to me. He did just that except there was some miscalculation on his part because he spilled some of it on my dress.

“Ki Won ah!!! What the fcuk?”

He apologized but he was obviously not sorry because he kept chuckling as he wiped the liquid off me with a napkin. It wasn’t like it was my favorite dress but it was pale blue and I knew I was going to face hell when I got back home. I was still screaming at him when a shrill voice called his name.

We both looked at the direction of the sound to see a very red faced Soo Jin glaring at us with one hand on her hip.

“Oppa, what the hell is wrong with you? When you didn’t come back, I just knew you’d be with her,” Soo Jin shrieked. “Are you some kind of--?”

I looked down at my dress and was sure that the stain would be permanent. Soo Jin was still screaming as I walked by Ji Tae and Yong Sil and out of the kitchen.

***

Since we were seeing each other often, I thought it was only fair that I inquire about him… you know, in a nice neighborly fashion which was the one and only reason I asked Ji Tae about his changed date plans.

“Why do you care?”

“Forget it.” Once a bastard, always a bastard. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished. So much for being a nice neighbor.

"Is everything okay with your friend and his girlfriend?"

"If by okay you're asking if they've broken up, then yes," I said chuckling. I always laughed when those girls thought they could get away with saying sh.it about me to Ki Won.

"I'm sure that makes you happy."

I gave him a sidelong look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Whatever you want it to mean."

As usual, he’d come to my room to study and as always, I was doing anything but studying. But if he was going to be an ass, so could I. Rolling my eyes, I turned my music on and started singing along to it.

“I’m trying to study here.”

“Why should I care?”

“Don’t be a bit.ch,” he said, not bothering to hide the venom.

“You’d know all about being a bitc.h, won’t you? And in case you’re confused, this is my room so I can do whatever I want here. If you don’t like it, you can go to the study.”

“So that your mother can kill me? I don’t think so.”

“Then take it or leave it.” If he'd been worth the effort, I would have stuck my tongue out at him. I kept singing along till the music changed to one of my favorites. I immediately reached for the knob and turned the volume up. “You know, I will give you everything…” I sang. I got off my bed and moved to the beat. “We’ll never be apart now I know…”

For no particular reason, I glanced at Ji Tae only to find him staring at me curiously.

“What?” I barked. Leave already!

“You like Clazziquai too?” he asked with disbelief.

"And so?"

“I like them too," he said as I turned around and kept dancing. Who cared what he liked? I got lost in the Clazziquai-controlled world till I was jerked out of it by the feeling that someone was around me. Pissed, I turned around and found myself face to face, okay, more like face (mine) to chin with Ji Tae.

WHAT THE FCUK? “Dude, dude, dude, what are you doing?” I quickly backed away like he had the plague. I didn’t stop till my calves hit the side of the bed and my butt hit the mattress. What the freaking hell? “What was that all about?” I screamed.

He shook his head in pity then sat back in his chair. “It’s called dancing. What’s the big deal?”

“What’s the big deal? Why the hell were you dancing with me? Don’t ever do that again!”

I could feel the goose bumps popping all over me.

“Don’t flatter yourself -I wasn’t dancing with you. That just happens to be one of my favorite songs and since you weren’t allowing me to study, I decided to dance. The end.”

“Yeah, whatever. Next time you feel like dancing, do it over there,” I said, pointing at the door. “I mean, I don--”

“Do you have the Color Your Soul album?” he asked, interrupting me.

The question would have sounded less daft if I'd played anything else so far. I sighed. “Yeah.”

“Which version do you have? The one with the bonus tracks?”

I shrugged. “I downloaded it so lemme check,” I said, clicking on my Window’s Media Player.

He frowned. “What do you mean you downloaded it?”

I pretended not to hear the edge his voice had developed. “I mean I downloaded it. What’s hard to understand about that?”

He arched his brow. “But you like them.”

“So?” I asked, not taking my eyes off his. If he wanted to get into a stare contest, I was ready for him.

“So don’t you think you should support them? Why rip them off like that? Do you think they spend all that time and money just so that you can enjoy their music for free?”

The fcuk? “Do you work for the recording industry?”

“No, but I have a conscience.”

Bastard. “Are you crazy or something? I’ve attended their concerts twice. The first time I went with Yun Ah and the second time with Ki Won. And neither of them are fans but they paid for concert tickets because of me. If that’s not supporting them, I don’t know what is.”

“I bet you’d have attended the concert if you could for free,” he said with a smirk.

I could feel my hands balling into a fist. I inhaled to keep my anger from escalating. I was not going to allow Park Ji Tae to piss me off so soon after listening to Clazziquai. “What’s it to you? Are you related to them?”

“No, but do I need to be to see that what you're doing is wrong?” he asked, matter-of-factly.

“Just shut the fcuk up, okay?” I got off my bed and started folding the clothes that were lying around my room. “Just fcuk off.”

“Yeah, exactly. When you don’t know what to say you just curse, right? You need to come up with something new.”

Fcuk maturity. “You know something, Ji Tae? FCUK YOU, YOU FCUKING PIECE OF mini cooper! FCUK FCUK FCUK!!!” I would have kept screaming if my mother didn’t come in a few seconds later and shut me up.

***

I walked into my bedroom and slammed the door behind me. “The study is empty,” I announced. It had been a day since the stupid bastard sitting at my desk had decided to get all Recording Industry on me. After spending 30 annoying minutes in silence , I’d gone over to check to see if my mother was using the room. “Did you hear me? The study is empty.”

He looked up from his book. “So?”

“So go and study over there.” Did he really need everything spelled out? “I’m going to be playing my music really loudly so you might want to go there.”

He shrugged. “It’s fine because I’m not studying,” he said raising the book he was reading to me.

Like I cared about what he was reading. I was sure that Playboy would be just as interesting outside my room. I regarded him closely. “So are you saying that you’re not going over there?” I asked impatiently.

“I don’t see why I should. You mother said I should study here.” He cleared his throat and waited for my response.

“But it’s empty now so it’s okay for you to leave.” Was I being too subtle?

“I don’t want to.”

“Then why should I be the one to leave? This is my own bedroom.”

“Then don’t leave,” he said in a bored voice. “Did I ask you to?”

ARGHHHHHHH. It was one of those rare days that I actually had work to do and his presence was really distracting me. How can you learn trigonometry when all you can do is think up ways of getting away with murder? I started putting my books back into my bag.

“Before you leave, I got something for you.”

I picked up my pencil and sharpened it. “I don’t want anything from you.”

“Just take it,” he said as he shoved a plastic bag in front of me.

I turned my head and looked at him. It’d hoped his face would tell me something but it was devoid of all emotion.

Curiosity killed the cat so I guess you can call me Kitty because I took the bag from him and looked into it. What the hell? “It had better not be what I think it is,” I muttered to myself as I reached into it, pulled the square object out and read the text: Color Your Soul by Clazziquai. “Is this some kind of joke?”

“No. Is it funny?”

“Then why the hell are you giving this to me?”

He shrugged. “I just feel that if you truly--”

I threw the CD at the wall and slammed the door behind me. Could anyone be more moronic? I was walking to the study when I realized I'd forgotten to throw the youtube videos, thus his hypocrisy, in his face. Bastard.

Chapter 10

2010-12-22T16:47:00.000-05:00

Fighting with Ji Tae was no big deal. In fact, almost every time I fought with him, I promptly forgot about it... or at least I forgot it till the next time I saw him. But this time, I just couldn’t shake it off. I couldn’t honestly believe what he’d done. How dare he try to force his views on me? And who the hell did he think he was?

“Don’t take it out on the cup,” Yun Ah cautioned, permeating my thoughts.

I looked down and loosened my grip.

“What’s your problem? You’ve been acting weird all day.” She tried to hide it but I could tell that she was worried.

“Yeah, what’s the matter, Nuna?” Ki Won asked. He usually teased me because he knew how much I hated hearing him call me that since I wasn’t even up to a month older than he was.

I knew not reacting would raise a red flag so I weakly elbowed him in the side. He let out an exaggerated yelp so I smiled at him. It was nice to see that sweet boys did exist on the planet.

A few minutes after the ajumma brought our meals over, just like she normally did, Yun Ah announced my ‘best friend’s’ arrival into the restaurant.

But unlike most other times, I pretended not to hear her.

“Hey, Hee Soo, did something happen between you?” she whispered.

"What could happen between them?" Ki Won cut in.

I eyed her. “Exactly."

“But why does he keep looking over here?” she asked, looking at him then at me.

I feigned ignorance. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh my God, oh my God! I think he’s coming over here!”

Fcuk. I shut my eyes and begged for divine intervention.

***

“What are you doing here?” Umma screamed, barging into my sister’s room.

“I’m studying.” I said innocently. Since Ji Tae had refused to get the hell out of my room, I decided to leave it for him. Luckily for me, he hadn't spoken to me at lunch and I was hoping the silence between us would become permanent.

“What happened to your room?”

“Nothing. I just think I concentrate better here," I said it the geekiest voice I could manage. Besides, maybe it was time for me to apply myself and try the genius thing. I turned the page over and hoped it made me look focused.

My mom looked at me curiously. “Does Ji Tae distract you?”

I nodded enthusiastically. “I think it’ll be better for him to stay in the study but he won’t leave because of what you said. I even think it might be affecting his studies too," I said in a very concerned voice. I was thinking of rubbing my chin for effect but decided against it.

“Okay, I’ll go and talk to him.”

A few minutes later, my mother came back and told me that I could return to my empty room. Mission accomplished!

***

I was lying down and watching television when my mother practically kicked my door off. I quickly got off the bed and stood next to it.

She nodded knowingly. “So that’s the kind of studying you’re getting distracted from?” she asked with her arms folded.

“Umma, I was just taking a break. My studying has already improved.”

“Really? Then how come your sister says that the only reason you were studying in her room was because you'd had a fight with Ji Tae?”

That little... I smiled weakly and shrugged. “Mom, I always fight with him – it’s not a big deal.”

“Really? Then why don’t I just ask him to come back?”

“Umma, please. Isn’t it better to study alone?”

She walked into my room and shut the door behind her. "Look, I really don't have time for all your nonsense. I don't want him to study alone because I want him to be comfortable when he's here."

“Mom, he’s comfortable. Believe me – he acts like he’s part of the family. He even came swimming with Mi Soo and I last week. He doesn't need any special treatment, okay?”

My mom looked me up and down then turned around. I didn’t know what she was going to do so I sat on my bed and waited. About 20 minutes later, I heard a knock at my door.

“Yes?”

“It’s me,” Ji Tae said. Or at least I hoped the male voice that wasn’t my father’s was coming from Ji Tae. I picked up my shoe just in case I was wrong.

“What do you want?”

The person hesitated then said, “Can I come in?”

I walked up to the door and opened it but made sure my body was blocking the entrance. “What do you want?”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” He could stuff his 'sorry' in the same orifice most of his words came out of.

“But you didn’t have to break the CD. It cost money, you know?” He pouted and looked down.

He actually looked sorry, and even though I didn't really want to admit it, the fight was using up a bit too much of my energy.

“Did I ask you to spend that money?”

He shook his head. “But that's no reason to break it.”

I shrugged. "I can't allow you to force things on me."

He leaned in to me. "Giving someone a gift is forcing something on them?"

"When it's something they said they don't want, yes." I had to break away from his gaze. Stupid, freaking lashes!

"Hee Soo."

"What?" I said, looking back at him.

He looked uncomfortably around the hallway. “Can I come in?”

I shook my head.

He sighed. “But are we cool?”

“Were we ever cool?”

He hissed. “Why do you have to be like this?" He put his hands in his pocket. "Since I’m here so much, can’t we just be friends? I'm getting tired of this.”

I smiled. I was slightly comforted that it was taking some energy out of him too. “Friends might be stretching it. I don’t even like you.”

“What’s not to like?” He asked half-seriously.

He started doing the pierce eye thing so I backed away a few inches. I could feel my heart beating slightly faster. I made a mental note to get him sunglasses for Christmas.

"So tell me what you don't like about me."

I laughed. “Do you have all day?”

He looked down and stubbed his toe against the carpet. “I get it. But let’s just try to be civil. If we can't be friends we can still be civil, right?”

“Whatever.”

Exasperated, he said, “Alright, Hee Soo. I better go back to the study – I have some work to do.”

When he turned to leave, I said, “If you feel like a break, you can come here and listen to some Clazziquai.” If he was going to offer an olive branch, the least I could do was take it. He really wasn't that bad of a person.

He arched his brow. “Your pirated songs?”

Chapter 11

2010-12-21T16:48:00.000-05:00

*Italicized part is a flashback

Being nice to Ji Tae was using up a different kind of energy. Instead of expending my energy on screaming at him or trying to think of something cutting to say, I spent it on holding back and smiling. At first, it had been a little difficult as I’d already formed a habit saying anything but nice things to him but it had been two weeks and it was getting easier. We even laughed together sometimes. I still didn’t like him or anything but he was right – if I had to see him often, we could at least be civil.

He had yet to take me on my offer of coming to my room to listen to music but we had pleasant conversations at dinner and he now joined Mi Soo and me on our Saturday morning swims. In fact, he completely ignored me the last time; spending the entire hour with Mi Soo. It was kind of cute, I guess.

I repositioned my bag on my back and peeked into his class. He was sitting with his back to me and talking to his friends. As I was trying to avoid people staring at me when I walked into the class, I tapped the person closest to the door. As it does with coincidences, it happened to be the same person I’d tapped almost a year earlier which happened to be the first and last time I’d been to Ji Tae’s class. I almost laughed when I saw the shocked expression on her face.

Need further explanations? So basically, just like today, Ji Tae had left for school before he could take the lunch his mother had prepared with him so for the second time in her life, she asked me to take it to him. Back then, I’d wanted to refuse but my mother agreed before I could protest which was why I’d been standing at his door with a cooler filled with food.

Just like today, I’d begged the slightly chubby girl to call him so I could just give it to him and be on my merry way.

So there I’d been, standing with an irritated expression I wasn’t planning to hide and racking my brain coming up with cutting comments that would make him realize that it would be the first and last time I’d take time out of my extremely busy day to help him out. I’d already practiced lines that included, “be more careful in the future,” “next time I’ll piss in your food,” and other colorful words that I’d hope would convey the fact that I didn’t enjoy spending my time on him – even if it was at his mother’s request.

I’d planned to catch his eyes and send him some hateful glares but after his classmate caught his attention and he looked up and saw me, he promptly looked away.

Say what? “Could you please call him again?” Surely, he hadn’t seen me!

“Ji Tae ssi, your friend is waiting for you outside.”

Without even sparing me a second glance, he said, “I don't see anyone.”

My jaw dropped. What the hell? I looked over at his classmate and wondered what she thought of me – she probably thought I’d sacrificed Ji Tae’s firstborn. Or worse.

Frustrated, I’d bent over to drop the food on the ground then leave but stopped myself when I realized that he wouldn’t pick it up and when he got home, he’d tell his mother that he never received his lunch which would make his mother come over to our place and I’d end up in trouble.

“Can you call him again? It’s important,” I begged her.

She shrugged. “Sorry, but I don’t think he wants to come. Just forget it.”

If only it were that easy. I took a deep breath and stepped into the classroom. “You! Your mother asked me to give this to you,” I said as I approached his desk. Everyone in that area looked at me. Everyone but him.

“Oppa, I think she’s talking to you,” one of his friends said. But he didn’t move a muscle.

“Ji Tae, your mother said I should give this to you,” I repeated in a much louder tone.

At this point, the whole class but him was staring at me curiously. Feeling their eyes bore into me only made me angrier. Okay, so we weren’t friends but did he really have to humiliate me like this?

“Park Ji Tae, are you deaf?” I yelled. “Do you want your lunch or not?” I tapped my foot and waited for a reaction. Instead of acknowledging me, he made a non-related comment to a friend whose eyes were trained on me.

“Ah, fcuk it,” I said in frustration as I threw the cooler at his desk. But as luck would have it, I showed off my skills as the worst basketball player in the world so instead of hitting the desk, the cooler landed on his forehead. Ouch.

“What’s up?” a somewhat deep voice jolted me out of my memories. I looked up to find Ji Tae staring at me inquisitively. Instinctively, I reached across and pushed his hair back.

He slapped my hand off his face. “What are you… oh,” he said as it dawned on him, “you’re checking out your handiwork?”

“Whatever,” I said dismissively hoping it didn’t show that I was relieved that the wound hadn’t left a scar. “I guess I didn’t do a good enough job, huh?”

He rolled his eyes. “What’s up?” he asked slightly impatiently.

I reached into my bag and pulled his lunch out. “Your Mom asked me to bring this for you.”

He took it from me. “Thanks. I had an early soccer practice.”

A group of people approached the doorway so we moved a bit further into the hallway.

“Do you eat two lunches?” I leaned against the wall and waited for his answer.

He shook his head. “Why?”

“Because I usually see you at the Ajumma’s place.”

“Oh,” he said, holding his cooler up. “I guess you can call this my tea.”

I shook my head in disgust as I looked over his toned frame. “How can you eat so much and not get fat? I hate people like you.”

“Whatever. I’d better get back now – we have a test in a few minutes,” he said as he turned to leave.

“Wait. Can I hitch a ride home with you today?”

He looked at me curiously. “Isn’t your mother picking you up?”

I frowned. “Her car is in the shop again.” My mother had a very strange relationship with cars. No matter the model, age, price or color of the car, no more than six months after she got it, something always went wrong with it. My father had tried to figure it out by watching how she drove and even exchanging his car with hers (which broke down shortly after) but we couldn’t figure out. I’d decided that she must have been a really bad racecar driver in her past life so now the spirits of all those crashed cars were taking their revenge on her.

“How do you normally get home when her car breaks down?”

“Ki Won generally gives me a ride but he’s gotten more hours so he starts work earlier now.”

“Why don’t you just take the bus or the subway?”

I hissed. “What’s with the interrogation? Can I ride with you or not?”

He sent me a sarcastic smile then told me where his chauffeur usually parked.

***

“This is the first time since I’ve been driving Ji Tae that any girl has sat next to me,” his chauffeur said a few minutes after he picked us up.

“Does he give rides to a lot of girls?”

He shook his head. “Not that many – mainly Lee Tae Ran. You know her?”

“Not really,” I said, shaking my head. “But no one ever sat next to you?”

“Why would they? They didn't come for me.”

I nodded knowingly. “See, that’s the difference. I don’t want to be there with him.” I looked around us. “This is so much better.”

He chuckled. “I must say that after all these years, it’s nice to finally talk to you.”

“What do you mean? I always said hello whenever I saw you.”

He gave me a look. “Is ‘Good Afternoon, Mr. Kim,’ talking?”

I laughed. After enjoying a few minutes of pleasant small talk, as I was trying to find a radio station that would please both of us, I heard a knock on the glass separating us from the backseat passenger. Mr. Kim hit the intercom. “What?”

“Hyung, please stop the car.”

Hyung? I hadn’t realized they were that friendly.

Moments after the car had been pulled over, we both watched as Ji Tae stepped out and walked over to my side of the car and opened the door.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked as he slipped into it, pushing me into the middle of him and Mr. Kim.

“What does it look like?” He looked over me and at Mr. Kim. “Hyung, you can start driving now.”

Mr. Kim shook his head. “No. One of you has to go back there.”

“Well, I’m not going to sit there all by myself while all the fun is over here.”

“Does it look like we are having a party here?” I asked incredulously.

He shrugged. “I don’t know but why did he put the glass up and leave me out? He normally talks to me when he's driving but not today. Why’s that?” he asked half-jokingly.

I chuckled. I couldn’t tell if he was really jealous. “Okay, go back and we’ll include you in our riveting conversation about The Crocodile Hunter. You can leave now,” I said, pushing him out of the car.

“Well, I’m not going by myself so you’re coming with me,” he said as he took my hand and pulled me along.

Chapter 12

2010-12-20T16:50:00.000-05:00

“So where’s Mr. Kim?” I asked, looking at the empty spot where the car should have been. My mother’s car still wasn’t fixed so he’d agreed to give me a ride home for the second day in a row.

“I asked him not to come,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Are you kidding me? You should have told me earlier so that I could have made other plans.” I pulled my phone from my pocket and flipped it open. “For your sake, Ki Won had better be around,” I said as I searched for his name in my phone book.

Ji Tae put his hand over mine thus closing it. “Why should you disturb him? We can find our way.”

Our? I pushed him off me. “What's going on?”

“Aren’t you ashamed that at your age you don’t even know how to ride the bus?”

“Who says I can’t ride the bus? And don’t you think this is a bit rich coming from Mr. I Have A Chauffeur?”

He put his hands in his pockets. “No. I don’t have problems getting home. Besides, I’m only doing this for your benefit since you won’t be able to get a ride with me much longer.”

“Why not?" I rolled my eyes. "What’s so difficult about letting me tag along?”

“Nothing. It’s just that I’m starting work next week," he said plainly.

“What?” Why the hell would a trust fund kid need to work?

He shrugged. “I think it’s time for me to help Umma out. She won’t take money from my Appa so I can at least help her out a little.”

“Don’t you have a bank account?”

He took out a piece of paper from pocket. “But it’s also from Appa so she won’t take it.” He unfolded the paper and started to read it. “Well, it says we need to take Bus B to the subway station and from what I see, it should be easy to get home from there.”

I sighed. So the idiot didn’t even know the way. “Have you ever taken public transportation home before?”

“No,” he said, looking from the written directions to the street signs. “But how hard could it be?”

****

“You don’t have to sit so close, you know,” I shifted away from him. If I moved any closer to the window, I would have been outside the bus.

“It’s not like these seats are so huge – where do you want me to go?”

After about 5 minutes, we’d found the bus station and 10 minutes later, a bus finally came. We’d been riding the bus for almost 25 minutes and in total had spent almost twice the amount of time it normally took us to get home. Needless to say, I wasn’t very happy about it. “Just don’t sit so close, okay?”

“Relax. Oh… I’ve been meaning to ask: are you going on the drama club trip?”

“Yeah.” One of our school’s alumni had become a very famous playwright and director and had invited the drama club to the opening night of his new play. Apparently, it was particularly special because we’d also get to spend hours watching their dress rehearsal. I’d planned to take a novel with me.

I nodded. “Yun Ah’s pretty excited about it so I guess I should go.”

“She’s really into the acting thing, isn’t she?”

I nodded. As much as I loved her, I couldn’t deny that Yun Ah had quite a bit of the overactive imagination that was required for acting. You think I'm kidding? A few years ago, she confessed to me that the only reason she’d befriended me was because she thought I was her dead cousin. Apparently, she’d spent our first year together trying to gather information on the people that had kidnapped me and staged my death.

I turned to him. “Yeah, she loves acting. She’s not really into being in dramas and movies but she really wants to be on the stage. She’s that kind of person, you know?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I can see that. But what about you? Why are you in drama club?”

I sat up pleased that I could share my drama club theories with one more person. “Alright, so let me break it down for you. There are three types of girls in drama club; there are the slightly crazy ones like Yun Ah who get excited by trying on another person’s life for a while; there are the beautiful, self-centered ones who do it for the attention and lastly, there are the friends of the crazies and beauties who join to support their friends,” I said, pointing to myself.

He laughed. “What about the guys?”

I had to think about it for a minute since I hadn't previously given the guys much thought. “Well for the guys… there are the slightly gay or somewhat feminine ones who join for the costumes; there are the pathetic ones who join because it’s the only chance they will ever get to interact with girls; there are the good looking ones who are smart enough to realize that they will only be able to make a living off their looks and lastly, there are the ones who just love to play pretend.” I rubbed my chin and squinted like Veronica Mars ought to. “That about describes all but one of the guys in our drama club. So, Park Ji Tae ssi, why are you in dramaclub?”

He laughed again. “Well you remember when a whole bunch of guys joined like two years ago?”

I nodded. It had been the same time Kyung Min and Ki Won joined. Apparently, there was an incident in the Graphics Design club that got it suspended for one term so they were all forced to join other clubs to fulfill their extracurricular requirements and since drama club was the only one accepting non-freshman members, they’d all joined. “So you were in the Graphics Design club?”

He nodded.

“But why didn’t you leave when it got re-opened the following term? Everyone else did.”

He shrugged. “What was the point? I never really learned anything there and this was something different, I guess?”

“Cool… so what do you think of…” my voice trailed off when I looked outside and recognized the road we were on. “What the hell? This is the way to my Grandma’s house!”

“So what?” he asked, looking out of the window himself.

“We are on the other side of town!” I stood up. “Get out of my way." I said, shoving him.

He moved his legs so that I could get past him. “Are you sure?”

I glared down at him. “What do you mean “Am I sure?” Do you even know where we are going?”

Pissed off but scared that we were lost, I looked for a passenger that looked smart and asked her for directions.

***

As Ji Tae approached me, I sent him my don’t-even-think-of-sitting-next-to-me look but he obviously didn’t understand it because he did just that. I pushed him. “Don’t sit next to me!”

He laughed but didn’t move. I rolled my eyes then looked away and stared at my reflection in the window across from us. After Ji Tae had gotten us lost, I’d taken control of the situation and 1 bus ride and two train rides later, we were on the last leg of our journey.

Of course, my mother had called to yell at me when she got home and didn’t find me there. She’d panicked when I explained the situation to her but the weirdest part of the conversation was literally hearing the worry dissipate from her voice when she learned that Ji Tae was with me. The guy got us lost but for some reason that put her mind at ease. What the hell? But you know what? That actually wasn’t the weirdest thing that happened that evening. Hearing my mother ask me to hand my cell phone to Ji Tae then watching him speak to her for 7 minutes and 34 seconds was the weirdest thing I’d seen all year. What the hell did they have to talk about?

“You have to admit that you had fun,” Ji Tae said, interrupting my thoughts.

I grunted in disbelief. “Yeah, like it’s so much fun getting lost.”

“Kinda, sorta. And we weren’t lost – not only do you now know how to use public transportation to get home, you can find your Grandma’s house,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Ha ha ha,” I fake-laughed.

He looked at me and chuckled. “But you can’t say it hasn’t been educational because now you don’t have to depend on anyone when your mother's car breaks down. In fact, she doesn’t have to pick you up anymore. Aren’t you proud that you’re now an adult?” he said, tapping me on my shoulder.

“So says the guy with his own chauffeur.” I covered my mouth as I yawned – it had really been a long day. I turned to him. “Speaking of which, if my Umma's car isn’t ready by tomorrow, can I hitch a ride with you?”

He groaned. “What was this whole evening about? What was the entire exercise about?”

“Is that a yes or a no?” I asked impatiently. I was about ready to shut my eyes and take a nap.

“If you pay me, it’ll be a yes,” he said mischievously.

“Then forget it.” I rested my head against a window and shut my eyes. “I’ll just ask Ki Won.”

“Doesn’t he have to work? Don’t worry about it - I’ll give you a ride.”

I stifled a yawn. “Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?”

“You’re welcome,” he said wryly.

I laughed at him but I could take a hint. “Okay, sorry. Thank you so much, Mr. Park.”

“Yeah, yeah… but just remember that you owe me. Hey, it’s our stop. Get up,” he said, shaking my shoulder.

I stood up and walked to the doors. “Look, if I have to owe you then forget it.”

“No, this isn’t about the ride,” he said from behind me.

The train doors opened and we followed the other passengers out. Ji Tae walked in step with me as we exited the station.

Even though it was dark, I knew exactly where we were so I knew we’d be home in a matter of minutes. It was chillier than I’d expected so I buttoned up my school cardigan as I walked briskly on the sidewalk.

“So don’t forget you owe me,” Ji Tae reminded me.

“What are you talking about?” I wrapped my arms around my body to preserve all the heat.

“Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?” He took it off without waiting for my reply.

I shook my head and increased my pace. His clothes on my body? I’d rather freeze to death. “But why do you keep saying I owe you? I don’t owe you jack.”

“Remember the pool? Remember our race? The winner gets something from the loser. Remember?”

Was he smoking crack? “I never agreed to that.”

“Yes you did.”

“No I didn’t.” What the hell?

“By racing with me, you agreed to it. So don’t forget that you owe me.”

“Dream on,” I said through chattering teeth.

Chapter 13

2010-12-19T16:50:00.000-05:00

“You know, I will give you everything,” my cell phone blasted for the third time since it had woken me up.

“Grr.” I covered my ear with my pillow as I tried to drown the sound out. I’d been deep into sleep and was all prepared to start a dream I hoped would star Kwon Sang Woo but the stupid as.shole on the phone wouldn’t even let me have that. What the hell?

“You know, I will…” the stupid cell phone chirped again. I looked over at the alarm clock on my nightstand and saw that it was a few minutes after midnight. After midnight! Wasn’t the number one rule in the cell phone etiquette manual something about not calling people after midnight? I cursed myself for not turning my phone off and channeled all that energy into jumping off my bed and hitting my light switch. I instinctively shielded my eyes from the bright lights and began to search for my phone.

“You know…”

“Argh!” I screamed a few seconds before finding it hidden under the jeans I’d worn the previous day. I promised to punch Yun Ah for talking me into purchasing such a tiny phone before flipping it open and screaming into it. “What?”

“Hey,” a familiar voice said.

I cursed under my breath and wiped my eyes before looking at the caller-id to confirm that I wasn’t hearing things and the person at the other end of the line was who I actually thought it was.

“Hello? Do you know what time it is? I’m sleeping… what the hell?”

“Rela--” Ji Tae started to say.

WHAT THE HELL?!?!? “I have school tomorrow!” I said before hanging the phone up.

**

“What’s so important that it can’t wait?” Yun Ah asked. Her hands were folded and from her stance, it was quite obvious that any response I had would be refuted.

“Just go ahead, okay? I’ll meet you guys there,” I said as I jogged away from my lunch gang.

“You don’t have an internet boyfriend, do you?” Her voice got fainter as I walked into the building.

I certainly didn’t have an internet boyfriend but I did want to check my email. On my way to school that morning, I checked my text messages, and apparently, shortly after I hung up the phone, Ji Tae had sent a message that simply read, “Check your email.” So throughout Math and Physics class, even though I tried not to, I kept getting curious and more curious about what it was and what that had to do with him calling me so damn late at night.

I logged onto my email and clicked on the untitled email he’d sent. The email was bare; only containing a URL that had my name as part of the address. Filled with both intrigue and impatience-induced annoyance that the email didn’t answer any questions, crossing my fingers and hoping he hadn’t sent me a virus, I quadruple-clicked on the link and waited for the page to load.

“It’s going to be a groovy night,” boomed through the speakers. I quickly turned the volume off before the computer room attendant could scold me. I connected my headphones to the computer so that I, and only I, could hear the Clazziquai song. I looked up at the screen and was shocked to find my face staring back at me.

“What the hell?” I whispered in confusion. Not knowing what to do, I clicked on my picture and soon after, was taken to another page. My birth date appeared on the screen in huge black letters before a voice started, “On this day….”

A lump developed in my throat and I could feel my mouth drying up. With widened eyes, I watched the presentation and wondered how he even knew it was my birthday. The presentation started off by mentioning supposedly interesting things that had happened on my birth date and then went on to other things that had happened on that day every year since. For example, I didn’t know that H.O.T. debuted the second single off their second album on my birthday in some year. Even though I was quite certain he was feeding me useless information, it was still interesting to learn about the things that had occurred on the days I was celebrating my birthday over the years. When the presentation ended, there was a little interactive game he’d created using images and text from my blog, which I guess he must have found in the signature of my email.

When I won the game (i.e. I beat a shark in a swim race – don’t ask), it ended with the Happy Birthday song in what I presumed was an Eastern European language. The entire thing was so silly that I couldn’t help but be both amazed and weirded out. There was also quite a bit of giggling on my part which I attributed to having had inadequate sleep.

***

“Why don’t you just give me the money?” I said to my mother as we stepped into the elevator. Just like my last three birthdays, we’d picked up a cake on our way home and The Suckers were to hurry up with our homework and get dressed so that we could all go out for a family celebration. Needless to say, the entire routine was old and tired and as much as I was pleased that my family wanted to celebrate my birthday, it always ended up being just like our dinners at home with my parents having a boring conversation and my sister bugging me.

“If I give you the money, what would we do for dinner?” my mother asked as the elevator took us up.

I shrugged. “I could make something for us to eat at home.”

My mom looked at me and raised her brow. “You’re volunteering to cook on your birthday?” She moved closer and peered into my face. “What’s that about?”

I backed away from her. “Nothing,” I said as I watched the elevator doors open. I just didn’t feel like getting dressed and going out to do something we did at home every single night. “After dinner, we can just have cake and go to sleep,” I grumbled.

“Umma, if you give her money, don’t give her cake,” Mi Soo said as we walked down the hallway.

I rolled my eyes and waited for my mother to open the door.

“Surprise!” a chorus of people screamed the second I stepped into the apartment.

***

“Yo shorty, it’s your birthday,” my friends sang to me. I danced and listened to them bastardize 50cent’s song. I was impressed at how well my friends and family had kept my party a secret. The room was packed with most of my friends and friends-of-friends and everyone had come with a gift; Ki Won gave me a nice silver necklace that I was certain he’d spent far too much money on; Han Bi Oppa gave me a gift card to a trendy shoe store; Yun Ah gave me what she claimed was one of her mother’s one-of-a-kind dresses (her mother's a fashion designer) which I was sure was more like one-of-a-thousand because it didn’t look like it was worth 20 million Won; and Kyung Min gave me a nice designer purse that was identical to one Yun Ah had pointed to at the mall a week earlier.

“I’m going to get a drink,” I told the crowd. Their attempts at rapping had turned into chaos and I was beginning to develop a headache. As I walked away, I looked at all the faces and was pleased that very few people I couldn’t stand had shown up. Most of those who did were in my year so I wasn’t surprised to see that Ji Tae had spent most of the evening hanging out with my family or some of the drama club members as they were probably the only people he knew.

“Hey,” he whispered into my ear as if he’d sensed that I was thinking about him at that moment.

I turned around and smiled at him. I didn’t really know what to think about his present or the fact that he’d called me so late at night so since I hadn’t yet come up with an explanation, seeing him caused me a little uneasiness. Did his present deserve a hug? Or not? And even if it did, did we have the kind of friendship that warranted a hug? Or not?

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked suspiciously.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’re smiling far too much. Is everything alright?” he asked without a trace of sarcasm.

I rolled my eyes. “So I can’t smile if I want to?”

“No…”

“Anyway, I guess this,” I said, referring to the party, “is how you found out about my birthday. I mean, how else would you know?” I laughed a little too loudly. “And thanks for the present. It was really nice and different.” I realized that I was speaking at rapid-fire speed so I inhaled and slowed down. “It was really nice but you didn’t have to wake me up in the middle of the night to give to me, you know.”

He shrugged. “Shoot me. Most people stay up late so that they can be awake for the first minute of their birthday – I should have realized that you’d be different.”

I laughed even though his joke, or whatever it was, was far from funny. “Yeah, whatever. Thanks, but you know, next time you can wait till the morning.”

He shook his head and said something else I didn’t really hear because I was too busy studying him. He acted the way he’d always acted around me… well, ever since our truce. So surely, I was reading too much into the little thing he’d made for me. He was a Graphics Artist so it probably didn’t take much of his time. I nodded and laughed at whatever he was saying hoping that it was meant to be funny and got back into the conversation.

***

When the party was winding down and I was saying my goodbyes to everyone, Yun Ah dragged me aside.

“Spill,” she said, looking at me expectantly.

I looked at her curiously. “About what?” I whispered.

She moved closer to me. “What’s going on between you and Park Ji Tae?”

I hissed. “Nothing! Why?”

“He called me last week to find out if we’d planned anything for your birthday.”

My heart skipped a beat. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

She rolled her eyes. “Do I look stupid to you? Ki Won and I had already planned the party so why would I spoil the surprise?”

“So you mean he already knew about my birthday? You didn’t tell him?”

She looked at me incredulously. “Of course I didn’t tell him. Why would I? So, anyway, what did he get you?”

I looked away from her. I knew that if I told her about the webpage, she’d figure out why I’d stayed behind at lunch and would end up making a whole lot of something out of nothing. “He didn’t get me anything.”

“Really?” she asked in disbelief. “He sounded a bit disappointed that we’d already made plans so I was sure he’d get you something really good,” she said, moving her eyebrows teasingly.

About 30 minutes later, when all the guests had left, I walked into my bedroom and found a wrapped gift on the bed. I picked up the card that had been taped to it and saw that it was from Ji Tae.

I quickly unwrapped it to find one of those cheap t-shirts that one made by taking a photograph and a t-shirt to some store and asking them to superimpose the photo on it. With Kwon Sang Woo’s face staring back at me, I jokingly cursed Ji Tae as I threw it on my bed. To my surprise, some pieces of paper fell out so I picked them up and saw that there were two tickets to a Yah Shim Man Man show taping for about four weeks later. There was also a backstage pass for that particular date. Intrigued, I went online and after doing some digging, discovered that Sang Woo Oppa was scheduled to be a guest on that show.

***

“What’s he doing?” Ki Won said before he bent his head and covered his face in shame.

“Just chill,” I said behind a yawn. Like had become our tradition during soccer season, we were attending his little brother’s game but it was our first time sitting in the back. When it came to soccer, Ki Won lost his mind and turned into a crazy person so the coach had finally banned him from standing close to the field. Even worse, we’d been forced to sit at the back. Even though I couldn’t prove it, I truly believed that the coach had done that as a favor to Ki Won’s little brother… not that I could blame him. It was quite embarrassing to watch Ki Won’s veins pop at a 9-year old’s soccer match that I generally tried to find excuses to miss the games.

With his hands still on his face, Ki Won raised his head and peeked at the field through his fingers. “So who has the ball? Does Si Won have it? Where is he? Hee Soo, why aren’t you watching? Tell me what’s going on!”

“No. Why don’t you just look yourself?” I said as I pulled his hands off his face. We were play-struggling with me pulling at his hands and him fighting to keep them on when I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw Ji Tae sitting about two seats away from us.

I immediately let go of Ki Won’s hands. It had been three days since my birthday and we’d barely spoken. He’d started his new job so he didn’t come over to my house as often as he previously did. “Hey,” I said, waving hesitantly at him. “I've never seen you here before." I’d emailed him to thank him for the gift because I couldn’t come up with anything sensible to say.

"That's because you never come back here," he pointed out.

"Yeah... so what are you doing here?"

“Mr. Kim’s son plays on this team,” he said, pointing at a lanky little boy who looked nothing like his father. “His wife is sick so Umma and I usually come to support him. She’s at work today so I came alone,” he explained.

I nodded. “I see. So where’s Mr. Kim?”

“He’s at the hospital.”

“Ah,” I said. Ki Won coughed to remind me of his presence so I tapped his arm. “Ki Won ah, this is Park Ji Tae. He’s my neighbor,” I said, introducing them as if they hadn’t known of each other for years.

They nodded at each other before Ji Tae said, “Man U?”

Ki Won scrunched his thick eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“You’re the Man U fan, right?’

Ki Won pursed his lips at me then said, “Yeah… but how do--?”

“I told him,” I interrupted.

“Oh….” Ki Won said although it sounded like he had a lot more questions to ask me.

“He’s a Chelsea fan,” I said. I could foresee an interrogation in my future so I decided to volunteer all the information I had on hand.

The mention of the other team transformed Inquisitive Ki Won into Soccer Fanatic Ki Won. He eyed Ji Tae and nodded knowingly. “Of course he is,” he said before both of them began the age old custom of ‘comparing dicks’. Ji Tae started off by mentioning how many League Cups Chelsea had won then Ki Won countered with the number of Football League Cups Manchester United had won. They spent the next minute going on and on about how their team was better than the other till I started to hear the ticking countdown to a bomb exploding in my head.

“Arsenal is the best,” I announced.

“W-w-what did you say?” Ki Won stammered.

His shocked expression was so hilarious that I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. He’d been trying to get me into soccer for as long as he’d known me and seeing that I’d been as receptive as a brick wall, it only made sense that he was shocked to hear me claim to have a favorite team.

I inhaled then put on an air of superiority. “Yes, you heard me. Arsenal has been in the UEFA championships three times – the most of any English team. It’s also…,” I continued as I cited everything I’d read on Wikipedia.

“How typical…,” Ji Tae snorted before the field erupted in applause.

“WHO SCORED?” Ki Won screamed. He jumped off his seat and ran to the field.

Laughing, I watched the coach send Ki Won back to his seat and when for an inexplicable reason, I stole a glance back at Ji Tae, our eyes met so I quickly averted my gaze away from him and back to Ki Won.

Chapter 14

2010-12-18T16:51:00.000-05:00

I doubled over in front of the bus and tried to catch my breath. It was the drama club trip and just as I was about to board the bus, I realized that I’d left my keys at my locker so I’d run back to get them.

“We don’t have all day,” the driver said after honking at me.

I stood up and stepped into the bus and looked for somewhere to sit. The bus was pretty packed so there were only three empty seats. There was one next to Eun Jung Unnie. She was a very sweet girl but as it was, she was already occupying three-quarters of the seat so if I sat next to her, I’d have to suspend one butt cheek in the air for the entire ride.

There was also an empty seat next to Choi Sang Ho a.k.a. Sang the Ho who was known to have the most roving hands in the entire school. And it wasn’t obvious, either. You’d just be doing your thing then suddenly, you’d feel fingers rubbing against a part of your body that you were even too shy to touch yourself. And he did it in such a sneaky way that it was damn near impossible to catch him in the act, but you just knew that it was him.

Then there was a seat next to Ji Tae. It wasn’t that I was avoiding him or anything but lately, I just hadn’t known what to say to him. I definitely preferred it when we hated each other because at least then, I knew exactly how to feel about him. But lately, when it came to him, my head became blank. We’d agreed to stop fighting but he was still my enemy, right? So what was with all the niceness? Getting tickets for me to meet Kwon Sang Woo? Wasn’t that too much? Wasn’t he taking this truce thing a bit too far? I couldn’t ask him so when he came over to tutor my sister on Saturdays, I tried to stay away.

“Hee Soo, why don’t you go and sit down?” our drama teacher, Ms. Lim said to me.

“Hi, Unnie,” I said to Eun Jung before sitting next to her. I tried to sit comfortably but I could already feel the strain on one half of my body. It was going to be a long ride.

***

“So why didn’t you sit next to your boyfriend?” Yun Ah teased as we walked to the theatre.

“When did you give me a boyfriend?”

“You do realize that he was saving a seat for you, right?” she said pointedly.

“Who?” I asked, pretending I didn’t know who she was talking about. All women would turn lesbian if Sang the Ho was the last man on earth.

“What do you mean, who? Every time someone tried to sit next to him, Park Ji Tae said there was someone already sitting there.”

“And in the end, he had the seat to himself, right? If you’d asked who it was, he’d probably have said something like, Mr. Nobody. I’m sure he was just trying to have the whole seat to himself.”

She shook her head. “I doubt it.”

“And how come you didn’t save a seat for me?” I said, changing the subject. I was sick of Ji Tae creeping into all our conversations. “What kind of friend are you?”

“Hello, I had an aisle seat just like you. By the time I got on the bus, there were no empty seats so I had to double up.”

“Whatever,” I said as I opened the door.

“Oh my God,” Yun Ah exclaimed in awe as she looked around the theatre. “I’ve seen a lot of plays in here but it looks so different empty.” She walked further in. “There are so many possibilities,” she said dramatically. “Here,” she reached into her bag, “take my camera,” she said, giving it to me. “I’m going on stage now. Make sure you have the camera ready so that when I tell you to, you can take my photograph. When I become a legend, those photos are going to be worth a lot of money so you’d better make them great.”

***

“Why are you being so anti-social?” someone called from a group of people a few seats away from me. We were waiting to watch the dress rehearsals and since Yun Ah had gone backstage to “network,” I was taking a break from my photographing duties.

I got up and walked towards them. “I wasn’t being anti-social. So what are you guys talking about?” I asked before joining them.

“Nothing really,” a short girl with eternally pink cheeks said. She’d only just joined our club so I was yet to learn her name. “Unnie, that’s such a nice necklace. Where did you get it from?” she asked, looking at my neck enviously.

“Guess,” Eun Jung Unnie said as she rolled her eyes.

I chuckled then looked down at it and picked up the pendant. “You like it?”

Pink Face nodded. “It’s sooooo beautiful. Who gave it to you?”

“Oh, it’s a birthday present from my friend, Yong Ki Won. Do you know him?”

“Ki Won Oppa!” Pink Face exclaimed. I could already see the stars forming in her eyes. “He’s so hot! I’d just die if he gave me something like that. Ahh…” she said dreamily.

The rest of the group chuckled at her reaction. Well, everyone but Ji Tae and two other guys who just rolled their eyes.

“I’m sorry to say this, Yuri, but you can’t have him,” Eun Jung said sympathetically.

“Why not? I heard he’s single,” she said in a panicky voice.

“He might technically be single but he’s already taken. Everyone knows that he and Hee Soo are going to end up together,” she said plainly.

I shook my head enthusiastically. “No, no. We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, right,” a chorus of about four people said at the same time.

After the group erupted in laughter, I re-iterated that Ki Won and I were just friends although it was obvious that they weren’t buying it.

***

After the dress rehearsal, Yun Ah had forced me to go backstage with her so that I could take pictures of her with the cast members so once again, we didn’t have a lot of seats to choose from amongst those that had been reserved for us.

The second Yun Ah found two empty seats together, she walked towards them with me in tow. We spotted two other people at the other side of the section who were also moving towards those seats so we made a mad dash for them. I didn’t even notice I would be sitting next to Ji Tae till we were already sitting.

“Have you been avoiding me?” he whispered.

I pretended not to hear him and turned and said something to Yun Ah instead.

“Hey,” she said, getting up. “I need to pee so save my seat,” she said before running off.

“Are you planning on ignoring me all night?” Ji Tae said in a louder voice.

I turned to him and smiled tightly. “You think a bit highly of yourself, don’t you? Why would I ignore you?” And I wasn’t ignoring him – I just didn’t know how to speak to him.

“Isn’t that what you just did?” he said, sending me a lopsided smile.

“When? Just now? Could it be possible that I wasn’t ignoring you? Maybe I just didn’t notice you.”

“It’s possible but highly unlikely,” he said, looking back into my eyes with those beautifully lashed eyes.

The lights hadn’t yet been turned down so I was practically looking at my reflection in his pupils. I looked away and stared at the empty stage.

“I’m just wondering something, Hee Soo.”

“What?” I said tightly.

"If I’d given you a necklace, would you have worn it?” he said completely out of nowhere.

What the hell? “Why wouldn’t I?” I whispered with my eyes still fixed on the stage.

“How should I know? But something tells me you wouldn’t and I really want to know why.”

Still looking straight ahead, I said, “It looks like you want to start an argument about something that didn’t even happen and I am not interested, so just fcuk off.”

He chuckled sarcastically. “I see you’ve started with the cursing thing so just keep it up. I don’t know why you insist on acting like an idiot, but whatever.”

I glanced at him and wondered what the hell was going on.

***

The librarian looked at the forms I’d filled out. She nodded then pointed at a set of cards. “Pick the color you want.”

I pointed at the blue one then waited for her to create my brand new library card.

When she was done, she said, “I’ve put in an order for the book you requested and when it becomes available, we’ll call you.”

I thanked her then went to the DVD section of the library.

I was looking through their new releases when someone coughed behind me.

I turned around and smiled warily at Ji Tae. “Hey,” I said, waving at him.

“Hey, yourself. What are you doing here?” His arms were folded.

“What do people normally do at the library? I came to borrow something.”

“Really?”

I nodded. “Really.” And I wasn’t lying. Yes, it was my first time at the library and yes, I did know that Ji Tae worked there but I definitely didn’t go there with the hopes of running into him or anything. And it wasn’t that I missed him either. It’s just that when you get used to having someone around all the time, it’s slightly weird when it stops. Just two days earlier when he came to tutor my sister, he’d completely ignored me. Imagine that! Not that that had anything to do with my going to the library. I went there to get a novel. Full stop.

“Alright… I’d better get back to work – those shelves won't stack themselves,” he said, turning around.

“I can’t believe that someone with his own chauffeur is stacking shelves at the public library.”

He stopped in his tracks then turned back at me. “Do you have a problem with the fact that Mr. Kim works for me?”

I shook my head vehemently. “What does that have to do with me? Why would I have a problem with it?”

“Because you keep mentioning it. Does it bother you that my father is wealthy? Is that the problem?” he asked earnestly.

“What do you mean by ‘the problem’? There’s no problem. I’m only teasing about Mr. Kim. If you don’t like it then whatever.” Why would I have a problem with wealth when it was all around me?

He looked me up and down as if to gauge my sincerity. “As far as you’re only teasing….”

We stood in silence for a few seconds with each second feeling more awkward than the previous one.

He nodded towards a shelf. “I’d better get back to stacking. I’ll see you later.”

“Oppa,” I called just before he was about to leave, “why are things weird between us?” I fiddled with my fingers.

He blinked really hard. “W-w-what did you just say?”

“Why are things weird between us?” I repeated more confidently.

“No… not that. Before that.”

I thought about it. “I said I was only teasing you about Mr. Kim.”

“No, no. Forget it,” he said. A smile crept onto his face.

“Okay, whatever. So do you think that we should end this truce thing?”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I think it was better when we hated each other. Now, it’s just weird. You do nice things for me and I don’t know how to deal with that. You hating me and me hating you? That made sense,” I said with a smile although I was being very serious.

“I never hated you.”

I scoffed. “Now, ain’t that a joke?”

“I’m serious. But I’m fine – I don’t feel weird. Maybe it’s something with you. Maybe you need to deal with whatever problems you’re having.” His voice got colder with every word he spat out.

His tone put me on edge. “Yeah, blame it on me. Just stop being nice to me – it confuses me.”

“Am I the only person that’s nice to you? Why should it be weird with me?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know – it just is. So please, stop.”

He hissed. “You have issues. I really don’t know why I bother with you,” he said more to himself than me.

“Exactly. But we can be cool, right?” Was I crazy? Why couldn’t I just let my enemy go? “Just not too cool,” I added.

“Forget it. Let’s be hot. I don’t exist to you and you don’t exist to me. Is that better?” he said, turning away.

I grabbed his shirt to keep him from leaving.

He turned around in shock.

“Ji Tae ssi.” I didn’t really want to never see him again but I just wanted things to be plain and simple. Couldn’t we find a middle ground? “If I don’t exist, does that mean my family doesn’t exist? Mi Soo’s math scores have really improved. What about her? ”

He shook his head and looked sorry for me. “You really don’t know what you want, do you?”

Me? I knew exactly what I wanted… I just didn’t know how to put it in the words.

When I didn’t respond, he said, “Anyway, are you going to the dance next Saturday?”

I nodded. “Are you?” Did the new conversation mean that we were now friends?

“I don’t know yet. Let me guess; you’re going with Yong Ki Won, right?”

I shook my head. “What makes you say that? I’m going with Kang Han Bi. I don’t know if you met him but he was at my party.” I described Han Bi Oppa to him.

“Oh, I remember. He wears glasses, right? Are you guys dating?”

“No,” I said, dismissively. “We’re just friends.”

“You’re ‘just friends’ with a lot of guys,” he commented.

I hated the way he made it sound like I was some super flirt or something. “What’s your point?”

He shrugged. “Figure it out. I’m going back to work. See you later.”

Chapter 15

2010-12-17T16:52:00.000-05:00

“I don’t know what I was expecting but you rich kids are more normal than I’d have ever imagined,” the coach’s daughter, Lee Hye Jin said.

She was a girl of average height with an average body but even I had to admit that she was quite pretty. Ki Won had confessed that he’d only befriended her to get her to butter up her father so that he could get back to his antics at his brother’s soccer matches. So apparently, bringing her to our school dance was part of his ploy. Whatever. A pretty face always awoke the ho in him.

I couldn’t put my finger on it but there was something about her that just didn’t sit well with me. She was certainly less stupid than all his previous girlfriends although they both claimed to be ‘just friends.’ He’d only introduced her to our group earlier in the evening and yet she was talking like she was the main speaker at a microphone selling convention. What happened to being shy and demure? Annoying wench.

“You don’t have to sit with me all night,” Han Bi said to me as we watched Ki Won and Hye Jin, and Yun Ah and her First Husband walk to the dance floor. He’d gotten into a ski accident a few days earlier and had sprained his ankle so we’d spent the entire dance on our butts. When I found out about his injury, I asked him to stay home but he insisted on coming to the dance because he didn’t want me to be without a date. If I didn’t get up and move soon, I was sure I was going to add about five kilos to the butt area alone.

“I’m not in the mood to dance anyway, so it’s fine,” I reassured him.

He didn’t look convinced but thankfully, he didn’t press the issue. The one thing I liked about hanging out with him was that it was so comfortable. Even though I wanted to get up and move my limbs a bit, I figured that if he could sacrifice his foot to come with me, I could sacrifice stretching the seams in my pants and spend the evening with him. Besides, I enjoyed listening to him talk about the girl he’d met on his trip.

“You know, I will give you everything,” blasted from the speakers.

I was about to make a comment about it when someone grabbed my arm and yanked me off my chair.

“What the hell?” I yelled before I turned to look at my assailant. “Ji Tae ssi, what are you doing?”

“It’s your favorite song.”

“So?” I said, struggling to escape his grip. “Leave me alone!”

“Lower your voice if you don’t want to cause a scene,” he said as he dragged me to a corner of the dance floor.

I turned around to see how many pairs of eyes were staring at us but only Han Bi was looking with an amused expression on his face.

“I’ll be there to comfort you now, anytime and anywhere,” Ji Tae sang, sounding exactly like Alex of Clazziquai. He’d found a spot on the dance floor he was comfortable with and had put his arms around my waist.

“What are you doing?” I asked certain that my voice betrayed the panic I was feeling.

“Building an ark.”

I frowned. Was I beginning to rub off on him?

"What does it look like I’m doing?” he continued calmly.

I tried to pull his hands off me but they wouldn’t budge. I gave up and looked up at him. “Why are you doing this?” My feet were rooted to the ground even though he was moving to the beat.

“Why are you trying to fight this?” he asked with his piercing-eye thing.

I broke away from his gaze. “Fight what?” My chest was beating out of control.

“This,” he repeated. “You love this song, so why shouldn’t you enjoy it?” He smiled. “We’ll never be apart…” he mouthed along with Alex. “Come on, dance. You know you want to.”

I chortled. If I was going to actually dance at the dance, it made sense that I’d do it to my favorite song.

“Is that how people dance in your hometown? Come on, move your body!” he cajoled.

I swiftly swept the room with my eyes and when I was sure that no one was looking, I rested my head on his shoulder. Why? Because it seemed to make sense- my head was there and so was his shoulder. Plus it was just a song, and we were just dancing, so what the hell?

“So, does this feel weird?” he asked about a minute into our dance.

“Not particularly,” I said simply. It actually felt nice, not that I felt like I was floating in air or anything just as pathetic and puke-inducing but it was comfortable. And it kinda, sorta made sense dancing with him to my favorite song.

***

“Where are we going?” I said, looking outside of the car window. Our dance had lasted a little longer than I’d planned so when I got back to Han Bi, Yun Ah told me that his chauffeur had arrived and he’d already left. So I’d been stuck with the most reasonable option – hitching a ride home with Ji Tae.

“We’re going to get ice cream,” he said.

I turned to him. “Ice cream? Who said I wanted ice cream?”

“Does the world revolve around you? Hyung and I want some so we are going in,” he said as we drove into the parking lot. “You can stay here if you want.”

Argh. Bastard.

***

“Caramel ice cream with chocolate chips and extra caramel on top,” Ji Tae said, repeating my order. “You’re so predictable it’s not even funny.”

“Coffee ice cream with eh… yeah, air on top,” I said, looking at his bowl. “You’re so boring that I’m already half asleep.”

We both laughed. Mr. Kim had opted to enjoy his ice cream in the car so other than a few other customers, the Eye Scream shop was practically empty.

I noticed that Ji Tae’s eyes were transfixed on my ice cream so I moved it further away from him. “Oppa, you can’t have any,” I said as I covered it with my hands.

“Yeah, like I want to go to the dentist tomorrow,” he said. “I hope you don’t sue me for buying you something that is detrimental to your health.”

I licked the caramel off my spoon. “Hmmm, if this is what dying feels like, bring it on!” I said as the gooey substance took me to La La Land.

I opened my eyes to see Ji Tae holding a heaped spoon out to me. “Let’s exchange. You give me a spoon of your ice cream and I give you a spoon of mine.”

I burst out laughing. “Why would you want something that would kill you?” I asked in mock seriousness.

“I’m sure a little wouldn’t kill me.”

I laughed harder. “No way,” I said, holding my bowl close to my chest. “You can go and order your own.”

He shook his head. “I need to taste it first to see if I like it.”

He was on the brink of salivating that I had to take pity on him. “Okay, give me your spoon.”

“No, it’s okay. I can take it myself.”

“What do you mean by "It’s okay"?” Did I say you had a problem taking it yourself? I just want to make sure you don’t take too much. So Oppa, hand me your spoon!” I repeated.

He gave it to me and said, “So you’re calling me ‘Oppa’ now?”

I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. “Am I?” I hadn’t even noticed.

“Yeah.”

I scooped some ice cream in his spoon and handed it to him. “You don’t want me to call you that?”

“I suppose it sounds alright,” he said smiling.

“You’re my friend, you’re older than me and you’re a guy, so it’s only right I call you ‘Oppa.’” And if things with us could ever become like it was between Kang Han Bi and I, it would be great. After all, Han Bi and I had initially had our period of weirdness till it morphed into what it now was. I was certain it was going to be the same with Park Ji Tae. Dancing with him was different but I could almost bet that I’d have felt the same thing dancing with anyone else if I had Clazziquai cooing in my ear. Yes, it was definitely all about Clazziquai.

He held his bowl of ice cream out to me. “Do you want any?”

I shook my head. I’d already taken enough from him; maybe it was time for me to balance things out by giving instead. Not that I knew what to give.

Chapter 16

2010-12-16T16:52:00.000-05:00

I pushed Ji Tae away from the dishwasher. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I don’t need your help. There’s a method to my madness and whenever you help me clear the table, you mess it all up,” I said as I loaded the machine with more dishes.

He hissed. “Other people would be grateful,” he pointed out. He leaned against the kitchen counter.

“Then go and help ‘other people,’” I said, shooing him away.

Country Halmoni (Umma’s mother who lived in a mansion near my grandfather’s ancestral home) was on her annual visit and as usual, City Halmoni (Appa’s mother who lived with my uncle in Seoul) took the opportunity to visit us too. From what I could gather, they’d barely spoken to each other while my grandfather was alive because he didn’t approve of my parents’ marriage but once he died, they'd become fast friends.

“Are you sure you don’t need help? I’m sure that there are twice as many dishes today,” Ji Tae said, glancing back at the dinning room.

“Yeah,” I said, grimacing at the rapidly filling dishwasher. “I don’t know why Umma always tries to impress Halmoni whenever she comes around. She ends up cooking enough for fifteen weddings.” I looked at all the pots in the kitchen. “I’m going to have two loads.”

“Looks it,” he agreed. “But since you don’t need any help, I’ll be leaving.”

“Oh?” I said, raising my head to look at him. He was leaving already? We’d barely had any time to speak. “Okay, okay, you can stay and help.” I slumped my shoulders in mock-surrender.

He chuckled. “Do you really need help or are you just saying it?”

“Aissh. I really need help. You can help me bring all the dishes to the kitchen.” I gestured for him to return to the dinning room.

When we were done loading the dishwasher with the first batch, he announced that he was leaving.

“Why?” And why was he acting like he had ants in his pants? “I know you’re done with tutoring Mi Soo but you haven’t finished translating the third episode of Heroes,” I reminded him. I pulled out a kitchen stool. “You can wait for me there. Let me rinse off these dishes in the sink then we can go to my room. I’m dying to know what’s happening with the blonde chick and her split personality.”

He made no move to sit down. “Sorry,” he said, rubbing his hands together regretfully. “I have to leave now so maybe next time?”

I groaned. Since I couldn’t do anything about it, I pouted and followed him out of the kitchen.

Shortly after he left, Country Halmoni said, “He’s such a nice boy. It’s a shame about his parents.”

I nodded sympathetically with the rest of adults. “But maybe they’ll get back together. Isn’t it supposed to be a trial separation?” I said hopefully.

“Didn’t Ji Tae tell you? His father has already sent the divorce papers. His mother received them last night,” my mother said.

***

I was offloading the dishwasher when Country Halmoni walked into the kitchen. “Sometimes, I look at you and think I’m looking at your mother.”

My poor grandma and her cataracts. I stood up and frowned. “Halmoni, do I really look that old?”

She laughed. “No, dummy. I mean that you are so much like she was when she was your age.”

Why did I find that hard to believe? “There’s no way Umma was as cool as I am.”

My grandmother laughed again. “Well, she had the same sharp mouth and she wasn’t really into make up… not until after she met your father.”

Was the old woman already getting senile? Other than a little eyeliner and lipstick, my mother hardly wore make up.

“And,” she continued, “she wasn’t much older than you when she, too, fell for a boy with a misfit father.”

According to folklore, my dad’s father had been a pretty successful farmer and when land became really valuable, had made a killing selling his to developers. All that would have been fine and dandy if Gambling Anonymous had intervened before he lost almost all that money in a year. And since news of the land sale made the news, so did his fall from grace. From what I understood, Rich Grandpa refused to let his daughter marry the son of a disgraced gambler... even though he was a former friend.

“Back then, your father used to hang around us just the way Ji Tae hangs around now,” Country Grandma finished.

I tried to see if the analogy really worked. “But Ji Tae’s father is hardly a misfit. Just because you’re getting a divorce….” my voiced trailed off the second I realized what I was actually saying. Why the fcuk was I focusing on that part of the sentence? “I’ve not fallen for anyone, Halmoni.”

She shook her head. “Even though my eyes are old, they are also experienced. I know what I see.”

“You’re wrong, Halmoni,” I said, hoping she wasn’t going around repeating that shi.t all around town.

***

“How many tickets?” Ji Tae asked, echoing the cashier. He turned to our huge group and started counting.

“Just get two,” Country Halmoni ordered. “If you can’t let us buy your tickets, we won’t let you buy ours,” she said, pretending to be mad at him.

“Halmoni…,” he protested as he waited for the cashier to hand him his tickets. When he received them, he stepped out of the line to make way for Country Halmoni. Since she was treating us, she counted the rest of us to determine the number of tickets she’d need.

“6 tickets for… wait a minute. Doesn’t that say ‘PG 13?’”

City Halmoni read the poster. “Yes, it does.”

“Ah, this won’t do,” she said, shaking her head vigorously. “Mi Soo is too young to watch this movie.”

How in the world is a silly story about a high school girl who wakes up from a coma with superpowers too mature for a preteen? “Halmoni, PG means ‘Parental Guidance,’ so are far are you’re there, it’s okay for her to watch it,” I explained.

But she wasn’t buying it. “Why does she need a parent with her in the first place? If the movie is not bad, why does she need a parent with her?”

“It’s no big deal. Let’s just get the ticket.” The people standing behind her had begun to grumble so I tried to speed things up. “We can cover her eyes at the bad parts.”

She smirked. “So instead of enjoying the movie we should be watching out for the bad parts?” She pointed at another poster. “What about that one?”

A cartoon about singing penguins?

“Yeah, let’s see that one!” Mi Soo exclaimed.

I turned to her and gave her the deadliest look I could manage. Who asked for her opinion? Plus I’d already downloaded the DVD Screener for that movie onto my computer so I didn’t really want to see it in the theatre. “Can’t we see that another time? We’ve already made Oppa and his mother get those other tickets so let’s just see that.”

“We could try to exchange them,” his mother offered.

“No, no,” City Halmoni quickly said.

I suddenly felt strong hands on my back pushing me towards Ji Tae and his mother. “Why don’t you go and watch that movie while,” she pulled his mom away, “we go and watch this other film? We can all meet back here in two hours.”

What the fcuk? How did “a trip to cheer Ji Tae ssi and his mother up” turn into this? I tried to walk away from his side but City Halmoni pushed me back next to him. In the meanwhile, Country Halmoni bought the tickets and stepped out of the line.

I watched all of it in so much awe that I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. Whenever I tried to move away, City Halmoni would push me back. Knowing that I couldn’t exactly use a lot of force to resist my grandma, I tried another approach. “There’s no need for us to split up - I can watch Happy Feet with the rest of you.”

“No,” Country Halmoni said sternly. “A minute ago, you were fighting to see this movie. Why the sudden change?”

Why? Because I know a set up when I see one. I sighed dramatically. “Umma,” I said, pleading for assistance with my eyes.

But as she always was when Country Halmoni came around, my mother didn’t say much. Instead, she just shrugged and looked completely disinterested. I normally loved seeing my mother reduced to a mime whenever her mother was around but apparently, it had come back to bite me in the ass.

“Oppa, you don’t really want to see this movie, do you?” I asked, silently pleading for him to back me up.

“Not particularly,” he said, looking even less interested than my mother.

I smiled triumphantly. “See? Let’s all go and see Happy Feet,” I said, walking to the back to the line. “I heard it’s the best movie of the century! I’ll just buy two tic--”

I felt City Halmoni’s strong hands on me before I could finish my sentence. “Don’t be stubborn. Go and see that other movie and meet us back here in 2 hours.”

***

Why does this feel like a date? Other than the couple that had just walked in, the movie theatre was empty. And it didn’t help that the lights were also very low and there was nothing on the movie screen – not even those annoying factoids that they often displayed before the movie started. Did you know that Walt Disney only attended one year of high school? Who gives a sh.it?

“Why are you asking me?”

“Asking you what?” I glanced over at Ji Tae. The light had cast a weird shadow over his face so he sort of looked like Darth Vader. I looked around for his light saber.

“Why it feels like a date.”

What was he talking about? I repeated his words in my head and let them sink in. Huh? What the fcuk? Was I back to thinking aloud? I sat up straight suddenly feeling self conscious. “Who said that it feels like a date?”

He arched his brow and moved his face closer to mine. “You just did.”

“No, I didn’t.” I said, shrinking away from him. Freaking eyes! Before he could say anything else, I picked up my phone, turned away from him and dialed Yun Ah’s number. The second she answered, I begged her to join us. Three was certainly a crowd and crowds rocked!

“Don’t you think this is a bit last minute?” Yun Ah grumbled from the other end of the line.

“Would I be doing this if I had other options?” I whispered. I glanced at Ji Tae who was playing a game on his cell phone.

“What’s the big deal? Just watch the movie and be done with it. I already have plans.”

“But you can bring Kyung Min with you.”

“But it’s cold out… I don’t feel like stepping outside till I have to go home, okay? It won’t kill you. Try to have fun and call me later, okay?” she said, rushing me off the phone.

I groaned. “How’s this fair?” Because of the Halmonis, we’d arrived at the theatre far too early so we had at least twenty minutes to kill before the trailers even came on.

“I don’t know why you’re making a big deal out of it. Take a nap or something.”

I ignored Ji Tae’s comment and searched through my phone for Ki Won’s number. “Hey you,” I said in my sweetest voice. If I was going to entice him to rush to join me and his Chelsea rival, I knew I had to practically coo my words.

“What’s up? I called you last night. How come you didn’t return my call?”

Oh. I’d meant to call him back but had fallen asleep watching music videos. “I’m calling you back now.”

“Yeah, right. You obviously want something. Anyway, how’s it going?”

“It’s going okay. Hey,” I said, changing my tone, “what are you doing now?”

“Nothing much. Why?” he said in a voice that sounded a tad faraway.

“Could you quickly come down to the AMC theatre near the Samsung building?”

“Why?” He paused. “What’s going on there?”

“It’s a long story. Just come now, okay?” I decided that it was probably better for me not to mention that we wouldn’t be alone.

“Eh…,” he said hesitantly. “Let me ask Hye Jin if she wants to come.”

What? “Why do you have to ask her?” She’d already joined us for lunch on three days of the past week and I knew that I just couldn’t stomach seeing her on a Saturday. The thought of her was already giving me an ulcer. “Ki Won, why do you have to ask her?” I repeated.

“Uhmm… actu… well,” he said, suddenly getting tongue tied.

What the bloody blazes? I could feel my heart pumping blood at an unreasonably high rate. “Is she there with you?”

“Yes,” was all he said.

“Okay, fine. See you whenever.” I slammed my phone shut.

“ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I screamed.

The two other idiots staring at the blank screen looked back at me then shook their heads in disgust the way adults did when they saw gothic teens playing with bags of blood.

“Why does the world suck?” I asked myself. I flipped open my phone and looked through the phonebook. “Who should I try next? Who loves…?”

Ji Tae took the phone from my hand and put it at the other side of him.

“What the hell are you doing?” I reached over his body and tried to get it back but he turned around and used his back as a shield.

“No one is coming. Just sit quietly and wait for the movie,” he scolded. “Oh and don’t forget that you owe me.” He laughed. "I just thought I'd throw that in there."

I stopped and glared at him. “Why do you keep saying that shi.t? I don’t owe you jack! I'm not giving you my phone if that's what you want. Give it back!" I yelled as I resumed my attempts at retrieving my phone.

He pushed me off him but held on to my phone. “If you promise to stop calling, I’ll give it back to you. You should know by now that none of your friends are going to join us.”

I sat back in my chair and sulked. Well, it wasn’t like he was lying. I knew that if the shoe were on the other foot, I wouldn’t have shown up for any of my friends, so why should I expect anything different from them? It was very short notice, after all.

But something else was nagging the hell out of me. “Do you think Hye Jin is pretty?”

“Who?” Ji Tae asked with popcorn in his mouth.

“Lee Hye Jin – Ki Won’s friend. You must have seen her around.”

He sipped his Coke noisily. “Oh, the girl who always wears a red band on her left wrist?”

I rolled my eyes. “Forget it.” Fcuk. I could already feel the depression setting it. He even noticed her never-washed band? Why? She wasn’t even that pretty. Boys sucked. “But even if she’s pretty, is that enough reason for him to just ditch me like that? After two years of being my best friend, he just ditches me because some dumb bit.ch smiles at him?”

“Oh, so he’s now your best friend?”

“Of course he is. We are like this,” I said, showing him my crossed fingers. “We’ve always been there for each other but today he just ditches me for her!”

“Get over it. He already had plans so he couldn’t make it.” He looked at this watch. “The movie is going to start in like 10 minutes so just be patient.”

He was right. The theatre had already begun to fill up but that didn’t change the fact that Ki Won had ditched me so I didn’t feel the need to stop talking about it.

“You’re giving me a headache!” he shouted about five minutes later, interrupting me mid-sentence.

“Hey,” I said, slightly shocked. He was more frazzled than I’d seen him in recent times. The vein in his head was in danger of popping. “You don’t have to shout.”

“Whatever, Hee Soo. I’m sick of hearing about this. Go and be jealous somewhere else.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not jealous.” I was known for not being the jealous type. Furthermore, green didn’t look too great on me. “I’m just disappoint--”

“Shut up! If you like him, then like him, okay? I don’t need to hear about it.”

Something slowly clicked in my head. It was almost like time stopped for a brief moment. “You think I like him?” I said slowly. Was this how it felt when realization set in?

“How the hell am I supposed to know?”

Was this what liking someone was really about? Ji Tae had had a girlfriend so he’d probably know the signs. I’d never had a boyfriend so I wasn’t quite sure what it was like to like like someone. A crush was one thing; liking a guy was another. Was it as simple as me hating that he picked some bit.ch over me? It certainly was a first for me… so did it mean I was ready to be with Ki Won? So liking someone wasn’t about butterflies, a racing heart, a dry mouth, wobbly knees and all that bullshit that got written about in romance novels? It was simply about not wanting some whore to take him away from you?

I turned to Ji Tae. “I think you’re right, Oppa. I think I like Yong Ki Won.”

Chapter 17

2010-12-15T16:53:00.000-05:00

“What’s wrong with you?” Ki Won asked, following me to my locker. We’d just come back from lunch and Yun Ah and Kyung Min had gone in a different direction.

“What do you mean?” I turned the combination on the lock and opened the door.

He moved from behind the locker door. “Why are you acting like this? Why were you so rude to Hye Jin? What did she ever do to you?”

“Oh, fcuk off!” Awww… wasn’t that cute? The knight was protecting his damsel in distress. Excuse me while I barf. I rolled my eyes. “Is she a princess or something? I can say whatever I like to her.”

Frustrated, he paced around. “If you have a problem with her, let’s fix it. Okay?”

I scoffed. “Why am I not surprised? You’ll do anything to make your precious Hye Jin happy, wouldn’t you?”

He squeezed his face quizzically. “My precious who?”

“You heard me. You don’t have time for your friends anymore. It’s always Hye Jin-this and Hye Jin-that." I mimicked his voice. “Why don’t you just transfer to her school so you can be with her all the time?”

“Me?” He pointed to himself. “What about you and your neighbor? Every single thing is about him to the extent that you even talk to him about me. What the fcuk is that all about?”

I hissed. “You’re not still mad about the Manchester United thing, are you?”

“I just don’t understand why you were even talking to him about me. I don’t even know him. And now it seems like you tell him everything about us but we know nothing about him. Why? What are you hiding? What’s going on with you two?” He’d moved so close that I was almost trapped between him and the wall.

I looked up at him and tried to do the Ji Tae pierced-eye thing to rattle him. “I’ve told you time and time again that we’re just friends.” I narrowed my eyes for extra effect.

“No, Hye Jin and I are just friends. You and him are something else,” he said, completely unaffected by the Ji Tae eye-thing remix.

I shook my head. “That’s just bull. But you know what? I’m sick of you… besides,” I looked him up and down, “I know that you’re probably itching to go and talk to her or something.” I slammed my locker door shut. “See you later, Ki Won.”

“Come back here,” he said, pulling me back.

He did it with so much ease that I felt like a rag doll.

I saw the expression on his face and just knew that we were about to have one of those conversations. The same conversation we had every few months.

He backed away from me then ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “Hee Soo, you know there’s nothing between Hye Jin and I but just say the word and I’ll stop seeing her.”

“Yeah, right,” I said, looking away. But I knew he meant every word. I’d never actually had to ask him to get rid of any of his annoying girls because he usually gave them their marching papers before they started to get to me.

He moved closer to me. “You know I’m dead serious. You know how I feel about you. Everyone knows how I feel about you. I’ll stop seeing her only if you feel like you’re ready to take a chance on us.”

I laughed without humor. “Is this some kind of bribe? You'll stop seeing her if I agree to date you?”

“It’s not a bribe. As a friend, you don’t have any right to tell me who I can or cannot be friends with… especially when you’re the one having a problem with her. But as a girlfriend…” His voice trailed off as he waited expectantly. “So Kim Hee Soo, do you want me to stop seeing her?”

I looked at his beautiful face and drank in the thick eyebrows that covered small eyes over a proud straight nose and heart shaped lips that had probably kissed far too many bimbos. Was I finally ready to do this? I’d only half-meant it when I said I’d date him when I was ready because I secretly hoped he’d find someone else and forget about me. I thought about Hye Jin and finally understood what be careful what you wish for meant.

“Hee Soo, should I?”

I tried to read his face but I couldn’t. I was in a generous mood. If he was secretly hoping for me to refuse, I wanted him to tell me somehow.

“Answer me, Hee Soo,” he said in a louder voice. “Should I stop seeing Lee Hye Jin?”

I averted my eyes. “Yes,” I said quietly.

***

“Could you hurry up?” Yun Ah urged. “I want to get back to school.”

We were finally back to our more comfortable and oh-so-reasonable lunch party of four but something was off. Maybe it was because instead of being a group of four friends, we were two sets of couples… did I actually call Ki Won and I a couple?

Feeling a little lightheaded from that thought, I took my hand from underneath Ki Won’s and tried to cover it up by picking up my glass. It certainly wasn’t the first time he’d touched me nor, I was sure, would it be the last but for most of the time his hand had been on mine, all I could think about was what I should do with it. Should I keep still or turn my palm around so that our fingers were entwined?

I took another sip of my drink and looked away from our table.

“Why do you keep glancing at the doorway? Are you expecting someone?” Yun Ah asked.

I was about to refute her statement till I realized that at that moment, I was actually facing the doorway. I put on a smile and turned to her. “It feels so weird not having Hye Jin around. So I guess I almost feel like she’s going to walk in at any minute,” I lied.

Ki Won groaned. “It’s been almost a week. Forget about it."

I sent him a smile that I hoped didn’t look as fake as it felt and downed the rest of my drink. Who was I trying to kid? For whatever reason, Ji Tae was doing his silent treatment thing yet again and it was really pissing me off. I noticed that his usual gang of friends had come into the restaurant shortly after we had and I wondered where he was. The last time I’d seen him was two days earlier when we passed him walking into the restaurant as we were leaving.

From the corner of my eye, I could see his friends leaving their table. “Yeah, we’d better be going now.” I glanced at my watch and hurriedly packed up my bag. I had science the next period and Mr. Hwang didn’t hesitate to punish us for coming a fraction of a second late to his class.

***

“Why don’t I come and ask your Mom?” Ki Won asked as we walked to Mr. Hwang's class.

Since it was Valentine’s Day and we hadn’t had time to make any plans, he’d suggested that we crash Yun Ah and her first husband’s dinner and have a double date.

“No,” I said a little too sharply. I noticed his confused reaction so I softened the expression on my face. “You know my mom. If you come over, she’d only get angry because I tried to get you to change her mind.” And I was sure she’d definitely blow her top if she discovered that I was lying and using her as an excuse to get out of a date she knew nothing about.

“But how is this fair?” he whined. “We’re not even going to be out all night.”

I sighed regretfully. “Yeah, I know it sucks. But what can I do?”

He put his arm over my shoulder. “That’s okay, I guess,” he said as he fell in step with me.

I smiled and tried to act like his arm around me was as natural as breathing. Besides, he'd done it a thousand times before.

“I’ll just get to work a little late so that we can spend a little time together after school," he continued. "Your Mom is going to pick you up at the usual time, right?”

I nodded, wishing I’d lied instead. I’d spent the previous night studying for the English test we’d had that morning and frankly speaking, the only thing I wanted to do was climb into bed and sleep.

***

“I’m here to pick my book up,” I declared, handing the librarian my card.

She scanned it and looked at the screen. “I’m sorry, but it’s not ready yet. When it is, we’ll call you,” she said, giving the line I was sure was reserved for overly enthusiastic patrons.

I frowned. “But I received a call today.” I’d heard the automated message shortly after I got home from my Valentine’s Afternoon hang out with Ki Won. I’d planned to pick it up the next day but since I was having no luck with falling asleep, I decided to get it before dinner.

She moved the monitor towards me and pointed at a line on the screen. “Kim Hee Soo? Is that you?”

I nodded.

“And that’s your address?” She pointed at another line. “And the phone number?

I nodded again. Everything was correct.

She looked puzzled. “I don’t know what happened but as you can see, your book hasn’t arrived yet.”

Since I wasn’t quite ready to brave the cold so shortly after getting out of it, I decided to take a quick walk around the library. I was on my second tour of the library when I spotted Ji Tae at a table, seemingly hard at work. He certainly hadn’t been there five minutes earlier when I’d previously passed that area so I figured that he must have been in the bathroom or something. But seeing him kind of brightened my mood.

“O-Oppa,” I called hesitantly. Several of the patrons looked up and gave me evil looks while the librarian put her finger on her lips, gesturing for me to be quiet. I moved closer to the table and called him again.

He didn’t look surprised to see me but I could read a trace of disappointment on his face when he looked up at me. Not that he was actually looking at me… it was more like he was looking through me. And that made me feel like sh.it. My heart started beating rapidly but instead of feeling angry, I felt a little nervous. I pulled out the chair from across him and sat on it.

“Oppa, I got a message saying that my book was ready but when I got here, they said that they don’t have it. What kind of establishment are you running?” I joked stupidly.

He’d obviously left his humor in the restroom because there wasn’t even a hint of a smile on his face. He turned back to his paper and continued writing.

What the hell? “But Oppa, don’t you think that’s not fair? They made me come over here for nothing,” I said, stressing the punch line of my ‘joke.’

“I’m sorry to hear that, Hee Soo, but I have to finish this up tonight,” he said, not even bothering to look up from his work.

I slowly got off the seat. Even the dumbest person could understand “Get Lost” in Ji Tae-speak. Okay, so don’t talk to me you fcuking bastard who keeps blowing hot and cold. See if I care! I unintentionally scraped the leg of the chair against the floor and it made a very loud, obnoxious sound. But from the lack of life on his shoulders, it might as well have been the sound of a feather hitting the ground. If he was mad at me, why couldn’t he say it? And why couldn’t he tell me? Didn’t I deserve that much? I was so irritated that I just had to ask him.

“What do you think?” he said with his head still bent over his work.

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”

“Why don’t you figure it out?”

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I stomped my foot and turned around.

“Are you walking home?”

I stopped my foot mid air and looked around to see if there was anyone else in the vicinity. “Are you talking to me?”

He frowned. “Who else would I be talking to?”

I shrugged. You couldn’t exactly blame me for not being sure. “Yeah, I’m walking back home.”

He glanced at his paper. “Give me about 10 minutes and I’ll join you.”

I nodded and quickly turned around to hide my smile. I knew there was no way he could stay mad at me.

***

Other than telling me that he'd be spending the evening with the oh-so-boring Han Yong Sil, we’d barely said anything for the five or so minutes we’d been walking.

He tapped my arm with a wrapped box.

I looked at him inquisitively.

“I know I'm being stupid but take this anyway.” He shrugged. “It’s been in my bag for some days now so you might as well have it,” he said, holding it out to me. “It’s not like I’m going to return it.”

I made no move to take it from him. “What is it?”

“It’s a necklace,” he said, flinging it around. “I’m quite certain that you’re not going to take that one off,” he said, looking at my birthday present from Ki Won, “but… you know what? Forget it. It’s a dumb idea.”

I quickly grabbed the box before he could put it back into his bag. “It’s not dumb, let me have it.” A present? I was intrigued.

He shook his head and tried to pry my fingers off it. When he got one hand off, I quickly replaced it with the another. “Hey, let go! Forget I ever said anything.”

Yeah, like it’s that easy to forget. I struggled for the box with more zeal.

“Oppa,” I begged after about a minute. I was already getting out of breath. “Just let me have it, okay? You said you can't return it anyway.”

He let go of it and I immediately tore the wrapping off. I pulled the top of the box and looked inside; it had a platinum chain with several pinkish stones at the nape of the necklace. I picked it up and rolled one of the stones in between my fingers. “This isn’t a diamond, is it?”

He slanted his head and gave me one of those are-you-kidding-me looks. “Of course not.”

I scrunched my face and brought it closer to my eyes. “Then what is it?” Since it was night time and we were walking through an artificially lit street, we didn’t exactly have great lighting but I could still tell that it was beautiful.

“It’s alexandrite.”

“Alex-what?” I didn’t realize he bought bootleg jewelry.

“It’s my birthstone.”

“Ah…” I chuckled. “Your birthstone? Why would you give me your birthstone? You’re supposed to give me my birthstone.” Boys were weird.

“I know, silly me,” he said sarcastically, reaching for it.

I stepped back to prevent him from getting it but somehow tripped over foot and when I tried to regain my balance, my foot landed on some slippery ice. Ji Tae caught me before I could land on the ground and split my head open.

“Thank you,” I said breathlessly as I tried to regain my balance on a non-icy surface. Ji Tae’s arms were still around me, helping me up. Somehow, they traveled from my back and an arm to my waist because when I looked up and saw him looking down at me, his hands were firmly on my waist. He turned my body so that we were face-to-face.

“Thank you,” I said, trying to move away from him but his arms were clamped around me. What was going on? I suddenly felt nervous and I could feel the sounds of my heart beats getting louder.

I looked down at his collarbone. “Park Ji Tae ssi…”

My formal tone didn’t seem to have any impact on him because he seemed to be lost in his own world. He took one of his hands off my waist and ran his finger along the side of my face. His hand was cold so I flinched at his touch but let him run it down my cheek. Even though I knew that I should take the opportunity to get away from him, to move as far away from whatever the hell was happening, I stood there like an idiot. Maybe I was curious. Or maybe...

The cold must have been messing with my mind because I somehow found myself studying his face from his heavily lashed dark eyes down to his somewhat wide nose and let my eyes travel from his full lips to his narrow chin. At that moment, I couldn't tell if he was cute or ugly - all I could see was Park Ji Tae.

I noticed his lips part and I suddenly felt the need to clear my throat so I swallowed whatever was causing the obstruction.

His lips broke into a lazy smile as he inched towards me. I reflexively inched away, thereby maintaining the distance between us. My mind was racing with everything and nothing and I couldn’t come up with a coherent thought. I looked into his eyes. “Oppa,” I said softly, “what are you doing?”

He moved closer to me. “I know I’m going to regret this,” he murmured right before he placed his lips on mine.

Chapter 18

2010-12-14T23:53:00.000-05:00

I stood still; my legs immovable, my arms lying lifelessly against my body as I stared at his shut eyes and felt his lips move against mine. I should have transformed into one of those innocent heroines in a drama and uhm… dramatically pushed him away and run to cry under a tree. But I couldn’t even manage that. I just stood there and let him kiss me. I didn’t react, but I didn’t not react. Maybe it was because that morning, I couldn’t have fathomed ending the evening with a kiss from him… or maybe it was because his lips were so soft and there was something raspberry flavored about the way he tasted, as if he’d either started wearing raspberry lip-gloss or he’d had some candy. Even though I hoped it was the latter, either way, I had to admit that he was sweet.

Seeing that I was quite hungry, I parted my lips to get a bit more raspberry when he stopped. I stood there stupidly and watched as, without taking his eyes off me, he let go of me then took a few steps back. We stared at one another for a few silent seconds before a drop of rain fell on my face and brought me back to earth.

“Oh, it looks like it’s going to rain,” I quickly said. Recounting what had just gone down, I held the necklace up and swung it around. “Thank you so much for this, Oppa. It’s really nice. But I’d better hurry up if I don’t want to get rained on.” I ended it with a giggle that I was sure made me seem insipid.

With my lips still burning, I turned away and started walking briskly home. For his part, he didn’t actually say anything. I could hear him walking behind me as I looked up to the sky and couldn't find a single cloud. What the freaking hell? I was certain I’d felt some water on my face. Or was it bird pee? I quickly attempted to wipe whatever it was off my face when my finger encountered a huge zit. What the hell? Did that mean that Ji Tae had felt it too?

***

“You’d better not come late,” Yun Ah warned as I stepped out of her car.

I rolled my eyes. “I’d better not come late?” The girl who was probably in the Guinness Book of World Records for her late-coming was talking to me? “Just know that if I don’t see you there, I’m going in,” I reminded her.

It was Kwon Sang Woo day so we’d spent the entire morning shopping for clothes to wear to the taping. I’d opted for Seven jeans with a long sleeved t-shirt and a short-sleeved deep v-necked sweater to achieve the whole, I’m-cute-but-I’m-not-trying-to-impress-you look, while Yun Ah had picked a dress that had no business being on a teenage body. Of course I tried to prevent her from deflecting any attention from me, after all, KSW was my man, but she claimed that he wouldn’t be interested in either of us since he’s not a pedophile. Like I was going to fall for that. If she’s not trying to get his attention, what’s with the 1 million won-a-night hooker get up?

I walked past some movers hauling furniture as I walked to the elevators and when I finally got to my floor, I saw even more carrying a table out of Ji Tae’s house.

What the fcuk? It couldn’t be. My heart started beating at a mile a minute as I ran into my house.

“Appa, what’s going on? Are the Parks moving out?”

My Dad looked up from behind the couch and said, “No, Ji Tae’s father has sent for his things.”

The divorce was really final? Without thinking, I dropped my bags on the couch and ran over to Ji Tae’s apartment. Since the door was ajar, I walked in.

“Good afternoon, Ummuni,” I greeted Ji Tae’s mother. She was standing with her arms folded across her chest, directing the movers.

She looked up at me and smiled. “Ah, Hee Soo ssi, how are you?”

Even though she was doing a good job, I could still tell that the smile was merely on the surface. “Ummuni, I’m fine. What about you?”

“You’re here to see Ji Tae?” she said, ignoring my question and rushing her words. “He’s in his room.”

“Where is it?”

She looked at me curiously. “You’ve never been to his room?”

I shook my head. It was funny how she expected me to have been in his room when I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been in their home. It definitely had a different look and it looked like Ji Tae’s father was taking quite a few things because almost half of everything was labeled with a yellow sticky with his name on it.

A few minutes later, I was standing at Ji Tae’s bedroom door. I stood there for a few moments, trying to muster the energy to knock it. It hadn’t even been 24 hours since he’d held me in his hands and kissed me and the memory was causing my cheeks to burn. I took in a deep breath and decided to be a woman and face him. If I could live through excruciating pain 12 times a year, I sure as hell could speak to the guy with the softest lips I’d ever felt. I knocked at his door several times but to no response. I wasn’t even sure he was in there because I couldn’t hear any sounds coming from inside. Curious, I turned the doorknob and pushed the door in.

I smiled and shook my head because there he was, sprawled over his bed with headphones covering his ears. I didn’t know what song he was listening to, but I sure could hear it. I tsked and pitied his eardrums because from the sounds of it, he’d been visiting an otolaryngologist in the not-too-distant future.

I took the time to take in the sight of the room. It was what I suspected a typical boy’s room would look like with posters of soccer and basketball stars on it. Well, posters of athletes and BoA? BoA? I thought, shaking my head. I would have pegged him for more of a Lee Hyori fan.

He appeared to be a bit of neat freak because every book and piece of clothing was neatly in place except for the tan jacket I guess he’d worn earlier in the day which he neatly placed over his computer chair.

“What are you doing here?” he said, interrupting my visual tour of his room.

I smiled. “What’s up?”

He sighed. “You’re just like spyware, aren’t you? Just when I think you’re gone, you show up again.”

I rolled my eyes. Spyware? I could already feel the goose bumps forming all over my body. It had been barely a year since the freaking eZula sypware attacked my computer. Every single time I’d thought I’d gotten rid of it, it would reappear and hijack my browser. And when I tried to ignore it, it invaded all of my Office programs so whenever I tried to write anything in Word, it would take over my keyboard- capitalizing and randomly inserting characters into my document. In the end, we had to get it professionally removed. It was definitely my worst computer horror story to date. And that was what he was comparing me to? What an ass.

But I wasn’t in the mood to argue the unfair comparison. Locking yourself in your room with loud music was definitely a cry for help. “Ji Tae,” I said, gesturing for him to stand up, “come on, let’s go.” I moved closer to him and pulled him.

Still sitting, he looked at me suspiciously. “To where?”

“Out of here.” I hadn’t yet decided where.

“Why?”

“Because I know you don’t want to be here.”

***

“So what do you think of these jeans?” I said, walking out of the dressing room. I tried to discretely cover the ring of fat that had formed around my waist. It has a half price sale but because they didn’t have my size, I’d tried a pair that was one size smaller. “Yes, they are tight,” I thought, as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. But it was nothing a diet wouldn’t fix. “So Oppa, what do you think of them?”

“What do you think?” he asked incredulously.

I ran one hand over my thigh. “I love the color and this little detail,” I said, pointing at the decorative studs around the pocket, “and they are on sale. Hmm… I think I’ll get them.”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s your money.”

I smiled at myself in the mirror. Yeah, if I ate only fruit for one week, I was sure that I’d be able to fit into them.

“So can we leave now?”

I turned around and smiled at him. “In a minute. I only have four more pairs to try on.”

***
“So what are we doing here?” Ji Tae asked me shortly after I pulled him into a men’s store.

“Since you’re here, you might as well help me pick something out for Appa. Every year, I get him something and every year he hates it.” I walked over to a tie rack. “What do you think of this one?” I picked out a red and black striped tie.

He took it from me and looked at it. “When’s his birthday?”

“August.”

“August?” he repeated. “It’s only February,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but I can’t exactly tell them to hold off on their sale till August, can I?”

When we were done picking out a tie (we settled on a navy Armani tie), I walked over to the saleslady. “Where can I find cufflinks?”

She led me to a locked glass case filled with cufflinks of every design and color. “Are you looking for anything specifically?”

I nodded. “Garnet,” I said confidently. For the life of me, I never quite understood the point of cufflinks. Don’t guys’ shirts normally come with buttons? What purpose did they serve? But whatever. Since men liked wearing them, women had no choice but to indulge those big babies and get them for them.

Unsatisfied with the selection in that case, the lady led us to another side of the store.

“You want to get him something else?” Ji Tae asked as we followed her.

I shook my head. “It’s not for him.”

“Then who is it for?” It would have been near impossible to miss the hardness his voice had suddenly acquired.

I glanced at him. “It doesn’t make any sense to me, but if I’m going to wear your birthstone, you might as well wear mine. I googled it and it could be either garnet or rose quartz. I figured a guy wouldn’t want to wear something that had ‘rose’ in its name so I picked garnet.”

He stopped walking. “Y-you’re getting me something?”

I turned around. “Jeez. Don’t look so shocked.”

“You don’t have to,” he said, shaking his head.

The lady was opening another case so we resumed walking.

“Shut up and be graceful when someone wants to buy something for you,” I whispered as we approached the saleslady.

We waited as she picked out a few pairs for us to choose from. I pointed at a diamond shaped pair. “How much are those?”

“500,000 Won.”

5-5-500 what? “And those?” I asked, pointing at the one with the smallest stone.

“These are 870,000 Won.”

What the Hades, Purgatory, Boys' Restroom?

“Hee Soo, don’t worry about it – I already have enough cufflinks as it is.”

I rolled my eyes. Could he be any more boastful? “Lookie here: If I have to wear your birthstone, you have to wear mine.”

“But you’re not even wearing it,” he countered.

I looked up to challenge him but all I saw were pink-hued lips. Lips that brought back memories I wasn’t ready to deal with. I quickly turned away. “But I’ll wear it one day,” I said in a huff. I opened my wallet and pulled out my emergency-only credit card. “Could you give me the cheapest, non-ugly garnet pair of cufflinks you have?”

***
“Give me another one,” I said, reaching out for another of Ji Tae’s fries.

He groaned. “How many times did I ask you to order some for yourself? If you had just done that, you wouldn’t be eating all of mine.”

“But I’m on a protein diet,” I said stuffing my mouth with more fries. “How am I going to lose weight if I eat all those carbs?”

He shook his head and held the box out to me. After a few hours of shopping, we were both exhausted and tired and since all the benches were taken, we were resting against one of the railings.

“A little chee--”

“Kim Hee Soo!”

The sound of Ki Won calling my name caught me off guard. I looked in the direction of his voice and found him glaring at me with so much anger I was scared that fire was about to bolt of out of his eyes and burn me alive.

Shaking, he looked at Ji Tae then at me. Then he stopped at my shoulder.

That was when I realized that I was leaning into Ji Tae in a far too familiar way. In that space-invading way that couples did to show the world that they presented a united front and that if you messed with one, you messed with the other… you know, in that conjoined-twin kind of way. The way I was supposed to lean into Ki Won.

Embarrassed, and unsure of how I’d gotten into that position in the first place, I quickly stood up straight and created some distance between Ji Tae and I.

“Ki Wo--”

“Is this how you watch Yah Shim Man Man?”

Yah Shim…? Ah sh.it. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was almost four hours since I was supposed to be at the studio. I held on to the railing to steady myself because I could feel some chest palpitations coming on. Kwon Sang Woo…. Ah fcuk. Fcuk, fcukity, fcuk.

***

“Hee Soo ah,” my father called as he drove me to school. He’d already dropped my sister off so there were only a few minutes left in our trip.

“Yes, Appa.”

“Do you know Ji Tae’s friends?”

I nodded. “Some of them.”

“Good. If it’s possible, try to discreetly get their addresses and other people that know him and his mother.”

Say what? “Why?”

“I know they aren’t leaving till after the school year but your mother wants to start planning their party now – you know how she is.”

***

I ran out of class the minute the 10 o’clock buzzer went off. It was time for our 15 minute morning break and I’d already wasted the first two hours of class replaying the latter part of my early morning conversation in my head.

“Ji Tae and his mother are going to America.”
“For their holidays?”
“No, Hee Soo. Forever.”

It was only a minute’s walk but I covered the distance in 30 seconds flat. I turned the corner towards his class to find him leaning against the wall with Han Yong Sil by the side. Okay, so it wasn’t like they were making out or anything but they look friendly… a little too friendly. I stood there with my feet rooted to the ground, disgusted by how wrong the entire picture was when he looked up and caught my eye.

I quickly did a 180 and walked away.

“What do you want?” he asked about a minute later from behind me.

I picked up my pace. “Nothing.” So he was actually planning to spend his last days in Seoul with Yong Sil? That was his choice? Wouldn’t swallowing a bottle of pills and sleeping through the entire time be more interesting? At least then, there’d be the possibility of meeting some dwarfs.

“You came over here for nothing?” He put his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

I pushed his hand off and kept walking. “Forget it. Just go back to Han Yong Sil. She probably needs you to hand out some fliers for her current “Save The Baby Sea Monkeys” campaign.”

The sound of boisterous laughter kept me from walking on. I was only a few feet from my building but I stopped because I just had to know what was so funny. I turned around to see him laughing dryly.

“You really are something else.”

I regarded him solemnly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think it means?”

“ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” I bent my forehead into my palms and tried to retain my sanity. I put my hands down and looked up at him. “For once, Oppa, for once, could you just say what you mean?”

He arched his brow. “Meaning?”

“I’m sick of you making snide little comments and whenever I ask you to clarify, you say something like, ‘Forget it,’ ‘Ask yourself,’ ‘What do you think?’ and of course my favorite, ‘Figure it out’." I inhaled sharply. “If you have something to say, just say it for goodness sake!”

He was quiet for a moment. “Do you really want to know what I think?”

“Bring it on,” I said, bending my knees and gesturing for him to… well, bring it on like American Football players often did.

“You honestly want to know what I think?” he asked slowly.

“Yes,” I said hesitantly. The way he enunciated his words sent shivers down my spine. But what could he possibly say?

“You think you can handle it?”

I sighed. “Just say it.”

He nodded. “All right then,” he tilted his head and gave me a sidelong glance, “I think you’re selfish.”

I let out a sigh of relief. Selfish? That wasn’t a big deal. What was wrong with caring about yourself? If Oprah didn’t care about herself, would she be rich? If Moses didn’t…

“And heartless.”

Hmm… okay.

“Inconsiderate.” He’d begun to count them off his fingers. “Bitchy. Manipulative…”

“Aren’t you going a little too far?”

“Thoughtless,” he continued, “Irrational. Stubborn…”

What the hell? “Look, I don’t have to listen to this,” I said, turning around.

“No, not so fast.” He grabbed my arm and spun me back around. “You said you really wanted to know, so I’m telling you,” he said without emotion. “Don’t be a chicken. You always like to act like tough so here's your chance to prove it.”

“Whatever. I have things to do. And it’s not like you’re not just making stuff up.” Waking up on the wrong side of the bed was no reason to insult me.

He chuckled spitefully. “Really? So let’s think about this… for example, with what’s been going on with my parents, how many times have you even asked me how I am? This is nothing special, you know. It’s simply common courtesy from neighbor to neighbor. How many times have you even tried to express sympathy? Huh?”

“Why would I ask you when I see you all the time?” Plus I wouldn’t have even known what to say.

“Hee Soo, think about it. My parents are going through a divorce; don’t you think it might affect me?”

I shrugged. “But you always acted like you were handling it.”

“Exactly. Acted. My family's falling apart but you never seemed to care. You were always going on and on about something else but you never asked me how I felt. Or even how I was. That’s an example of you being selfish.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’m a selfish bit.ch. Now I get it. I think I’d better get back to class.” And it’s not like I didn’t care or anything but since he seemed to be handling it, why would I bring it up? Why would I want to bring up something I was sure was a sore topic? But I didn’t bother explaining that to him since he seemed determined to be angry at me. I rolled my eyes and attempted to go to my building.

But he immediately jumped in front of me and blocked my path. Any direction I moved in, he did too, thus preventing me from leaving. The 10:15 bell went off indicating that it was time to go back to our classes. As we did our little left-left, right-right dance, other students marched back to their classes with some of them staring at us curiously.

“Ji Tae, let me go.” I stopped moving thus ending our performance.

He shook his head. “Why? Are you scared of the truth?”

“If all you’re going to do is insult me, I don’t need to hear it.” And to think that I was probably going to get grounded once my parents saw my emergency credit card bill. “I’m already sick of this.”

“You’re sick of this. You’re sick of this? How about this? I’m sick of not being able to say what I feel because I don’t want to scare you away. Remember that dance? You were wearing a red dress with no sleeves, you’d finally let your hair down…”

I instinctively ran my fingers through my ponytail.

“… and I thought you looked so beautiful.”

Beautiful? He thought I was beautiful? I could feel the color flowing up to my cheeks.

“But I couldn’t tell you,” he continued. “Why? Because you’re just too immature to handle it.”

Wow. Thanks.

“And the whole night I had to watch you laughing and smiling with that college guy. How do you think that made me feel?”

“Feel? Why would you feel anything?”

He ignored my comment and just went on. “Do you think the DJ spontaneously decided to play ‘I will give you everything’? I asked him to because I knew that was the only way I could talk to you.”

What? The butterflies in my stomach had begun to beg for food.

“Don’t look so shocked. You have to know that I care about you. There’s no way you’re that stupid,” he said spitefully. “But I think I’m wrong though… I don’t really care about you. I care about your family and maybe on some level, I thought you came with the package, but,” he said, shaking his head, “no… I don’t need that stress. There’s no reason I should care about someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” My voice had suddenly gotten all choked up.

“Yes, someone like you. Someone who gets her self worth from controlling guys. Yeah, everyone knows about you and Ki Won, but do you even like him? Think about it. Do you like him? As a person. If I asked you to name five things you liked about him, could you?”

I rolled my eyes. Hell yeah. For one, he wasn’t a bastard.

“Do you like him or do you just love the fact that he’s pathetic enough to wear his heart on a string so that you can be an oh-so-powerful puppeteer?” he said, moving his fingers like one. “You get off on that, don’t you? It makes you feel strong and important, doesn’t it?” He put his fists on his waist and paced around. “But you’re not going to do that with me. I mean what the fcuk was that? I kissed you and you pretended it was raining.”

“I really did feel rain on my face,” I said calmly.

“Give me a break. Do I look like an idiot?”

Right there, with smoke blowing out of his ears, he kinda/sorta did. But I didn’t say anything.

“Even if you think I am stupid, even if you don’t respect me, just know that I’m not Ki Won or any of the other guys you’ve tried this bullsh.it with. I’m not going to wait around for you like some idiot waiting for the queen to grace him with her attention. You don’t like me? Fine. I’ll get over it. It’s not like I don’t deserve better. But I’m warning you, Hee Soo, don’t try any more bullsh.it with me. Don’t call me up, don’t take me to the mall and act like you’ve committed a crime when you run into your boy… your boy…,” he paused. “Anyway, I don’t know if you know this or not, but I’m leaving Seoul in a few months and I’d really like to enjoy the little time I have left here so I’d appreciate it if you just stayed out of my life.”

Chapter 19

2010-12-14T16:54:00.000-05:00

“Stay in your life? Why the hell would I want to be in your life? What’s so special about you? Fcuk you!” I screamed at his back.

I really couldn’t believe what he'd said to me. If he really felt like that, why did he want a truce in the first place? Why couldn’t we just have carried on as we always had? But then again, he really wouldn’t have had the opportunity to tell me all that he’d really felt. Bastard. And yet, I was the manipulator? Whatever. But knowing that wasn’t salve on my wound – it still stung just as much.

“Park Ji Tae, how can you say that you me?” I squeaked to his disappearing figure then turned around and walked over to my building. Really, how could you? After all that we’d been through? I couldn’t explain it but my heart suddenly felt heavy and the additional weight was taking its toll on my suddenly weak legs. Every single step seemed so difficult. I opened the door and stepped into the building.

“You have to know I care about you,” I replayed in my mind. But how come it sounded so natural? Almost like it was the most obvious thing in the world? Was I really so self-involved that I’d never realized it? Or did I always know it? Park Ji Tae cared about Kim Hee Soo? But then again, he also said that he cared about Kim Mi Soo…

I ran my hand through the ends of my ponytail and remembered something else he’d admitted. He actually thinks I’m beautiful? I thought as I walked down the hallway. I wasn’t exactly ugly and I did have my share of admirers but the word beautiful was reserved for people like Kim Ji Young, our local queenka. I shook my head and grimaced. Maybe it was high time Ji Tae got reeducated on the meaning of the word.

I peeked into my class to see where the teacher was. She was walking in between two rows, explaining something about Kinetic Energy. I still hadn’t decided on my future career but I knew that there was no way Kinetic and Potential Energy would factor into it.

I waited till she was writing on the chalkboard before running to an empty seat.

“Miss Kim, welcome to the class,” she said without turning back.

***

A hand shot in between the closing elevator doors. I hit the ‘open door’ button to help the would-be rider in.

“Thanks,” Ji Tae said. It had been about sixteen days since he’d said a word to me which I’d guessed was probably the longest stretch we’d ever had without exchanging a word to one another.

He walked to the other end of the elevator and hit the ‘close door’ button.

I leaned against the wall and waited for the lift to start moving. My mother’s car was on holiday again and Ki Won had somehow managed to squeeze in dropping me off on his way to work. ‘Squeezing me in,’ was a feature of our new relationship.

The elevator started moving and a few seconds later, stopped at the second floor. A male teenage neighbor I’d seen around but didn’t know stepped it.

“Hyung, what’s up?” he said as he hit Ji Tae and did their male bonding thing. I am yet to understand why a simple ‘hello’ isn’t sufficient. At least, women hug and show affection in a painless manner. But with guys, it was a whole bunch of slapping, punching and hitting that was somehow supposed to express warmth. It was a bit surprising to me that more men weren’t into massage therapy.

“Jason, what’s going on?” Ji Tae inquired.

I glanced at them and waited for the next elevator ding.

“Eww… what’s the awful smell?” Ji Tae said. From the corner of my eye, I could see him covering his nose.

“I’m going to the gym,” Jason explained.

From what I’d heard, we had a pretty good gym on the 9th floor and visiting it was one of my New Year’s resolutions and since December was a long way ahead, I figured that I still had a lot of time.

“But you…”

The ding indicating we’d reached the fourth floor sounded.

“… but how does that explain what you smell like now?” Ji Tae wondered.

“Whatever, Hyung. Besides, I played basketball at school.”

I heard the sound of Ji Tae’s laughter followed by the sound of someone being slapped on their back.

“Just take a shower every now and then, okay?” Ji Tae said, laughing.

A few moments later, we both stepped out of the elevator and walked towards our apartments in silence. It wasn’t as if he was avoiding or ignoring me. No. It was more like he didn’t even see me. Like I didn’t exist.

Watching him walk into his house reminded me, once again, of how much I missed our screaming matches.

****

Being that the new episode of Lost had yet to be uploaded, Ki Won, who was also a fan, had agreed to watch Heroes with me. We both had a free period so we were spending it together in the Computer Lab.

“Who’s this guy?” he asked.

“That’s Peter’s brother. I think that he and his brother can fly. I’m not quite sure what’s going on but his brother is like the biggest bastard on the planet and apparently, the whole family has issues because his father committed suicide,” I explained.

Ki Won squinted at the screen. Since the video wasn’t clear, I’d had to resize the Youtube clip to the smallest size. “So what’s going on now?”

“I don’t know but it looks like they are about to have sex.” A man and a woman alone in a bedroom kissing and tearing their clothes off. How many things could it be? They sure as hell weren’t selling stocks.

“But why?” he asked. “Didn’t she just turn around and leave? Or is she the alter ego? And what did she say when she came back?”

“How the hell would I know? I don’t understand English!”

“Okay… okay.”

I groaned. It was just not the same.

***

“May I see them?”

Ji Tae put the box on the table and started laying its contents on it. Since Mrs. Park didn’t really have any relatives around with most of them in the United States and the others in North Korea, she’d planned to sell everything she wasn’t shipping or donating.

The antiques dealer picked up a greenish porcelain vase with a landscape showing trees, rivers and birds painted on it. He ran his finger over the mouth and sides then turned it over to look under it. “This is a really nice piece from the Chosun period.” He looked up at Mrs. Park. “Are you sure you want to part with it?” He looked at it carefully with a little magnifying glass. “This is really nice.”

She shrugged. “It was an anniversary present,” she said like it was sufficient explanation.

Not for the first time that day, I felt I was intruding on her private moments. When my mother told me that she’d be spending the day with Ji Tae and her mother, I’d begged to come along because I hadn’t realized that outside of his relationship with my family, he’d somehow become part of my life. And that part had now become empty and I sometimes felt slightly lacking. I really hated that.

I’d tried to get his attention in school but he always pretended not to see me so I figured that he wouldn’t be able to ignore me in front of both of our parents. All I wanted was a chance to clear the air like we’d always done. But if I’d realized that spending time with him and his mother would be so intrusive, I might have stayed home. But on the other hand, it gave me a window to what Ji Tae might have been experiencing at home. And that only made me feel bad about not being a shoulder he could lean on. But then again, I hadn’t even known that I could be a shoulder. Or that he needed one.

“They come in a set,” Ji Tae’s mother said, pointing at the two pieces that were at the other end of the table.

Ji Tae immediately stretched out to get them but since he was a little far away, I picked them up and handed them to him. Even though our fingers touched, he didn’t seem to notice but he thanked me courteously.

When we’d sold that set and two teapots, we stepped out of the shop.

“I think our 2:15 appointment is only about four blocks from here. We can leave the car over here and just walk over there. Sweetie,” Mrs. Park said to her son, “will you be able to manage or should we take the car?”

“Umma, it’s fine,” he said, readjusting the weight of the box. “It’s not too heavy.”

A few moments later, we were walking down the street with the parents walking together in front and us walking behind them.

“It’s not as cold as I expected,” I said, smiling at him. Weather was the safest topic on the planet and my starting point.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he said dismissively without even as a much as a glance at me.

My heart sank. The dismissal was so definite that I knew better than to try to talk to him again. He’d barely done anything but I felt like one of those creepy older men that just had to talk to you at the checkout lane… you know, the ones that make you get out of the express lane even though you only have a box of tampons in your hand.

We walked in silence as we all turned the corner and started going down the next lane. I suddenly remembered the day we’d gotten lost and how much walking we’d done to find a bus to take us to the nearest subway station. And even though I’d been pissed as hell, I’d still spoken to him. Didn’t I deserve the same courtesy?

I chuckled regrettably at how much time I’d spent being pissed at him, not that he hadn’t deserved a lot of it. But right there, walking next to him, I would have loved to be given the opportunity to apologize for the times he hadn’t.

Maybe if I’d know that it would come to this I would have been nicer?

The guy walking next to me wasn’t the Ji Tae I had come to know. What the hell had happened to him?

The silence was killing me and it reached the point that I could hear my pulse if I tried hard enough. It was almost as if all the sounds of our mothers’ voices and the passing cars had been blocked.

Say something, I implored silently. Please, say something.

“Umma, do you know if there’s a restroom around that store?” he asked.

Hmm… how about something else?

***

“Unnie, are you busy?” Mi Soo said at my door.

I shook my head as she walked into my room and shut the door behind her. She was holding one of her school books.

“What’s up?”

“I’m having a little problem with this question,” she said, moving up to me and pointing at an open page. “I think I got it right but I’m not sure.”

“Why don’t you ask your tutor?”

“He’s not going to be here till Saturday and I’ve got my test on Thursday.”

“Okay,” I said, taking hold of her notebook, “let me see.” I pointed at my computer chair and asked her to bring it closer to my bed so that she could sit and watch me.

I took a quick look at the problem and carefully explained it to her. “Do you understand?”

“Oh…. I see. If you cross those other two out, you’re just left with these numbers,” she said, pointing at what I’d just written.

I nodded. “Exactly. You get it now?”

“Yes. Thanks, Unnie. But,” she started, looking at me suspiciously, “are you okay?”

I raised my brow. “Why?”

“You’re acting differently. I mean, you didn’t even scream at me.”

I laughed. “It’s the new me. I’m trying not to be the biggest bi.tch in town,” I said, shrugging.

“You? The biggest bi.tch in town?”

“Watch your mouth!” I cautioned, hitting her on the shoulder.

She laughed. “But Unnie, I know you’re not really a bi.tch – it’s just your thing. It’s not like you really mean it,” she said, rolling her eyes.

I laughed a bit more and thanked her. Now, only if someone else could see it that way too.

****

“This is like the most boring game ever!” Yun Ah screamed as she got off the platform.

My mother’s car was still on the blink and after much coercion, I’d agreed to go to the arcade with her and Kyung Min after she promised to drop me at home. She’d been complaining that ever since I'd started 'dating' Ki Won, I hadn’t had time for her. But the truth was, I hadn’t been spending that much time with Ki Won – hardly more than we’d spent before. It was just that I wasn’t really in the mood to hang out with anyone.

But the funniest thing about Ki Won and I was that our relationship hadn't really changed. Other than labelling our relationship and trying to do couply things, it was the same. And sometimes, I wondered if Ki Won was into it at all... he sometimes seemed more distant with me than he'd been with his previous girlfriends. Definitely more distant than he'd been with me a few months earlier.

“Do you want to leave now?” I asked hopefully, walking towards my bag.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

I looked at my watch. “We should probably be going now…”

She grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me. “Hee Soo ah, what is wrong with you? Wake up!

I pushed her off me and just as I was about to shout at her, someone walked past her. My eyes followed him and even though I was now staring at his back, I couldn’t deny that he looked just like Ji Tae – even down to the brown baseball cap he sometimes wore.

“What the fcuk are you looking at?” Yun Ah yelled, turning around to follow my gaze.

Like almost everyone in our vicinity, the boy turned at the sound of Yun Ah’s shrill voice but his thin lips were enough evidence that I’d been wrong. My heart sunk but even more so because I realized that I was spending far too much time thinking about he-who-should-not-be-named.

Yun Ah studied my face then tilted her head. “Kyung Min, could you please get me a Coke? I’m kind of thirsty.”

Soon after he left, she pulled me into a corner. “Hee Soo, is this about Park Ji Tae?”

I looked at her skeptically. “What?” Surely, she hadn’t recognized the cap too.

“This! This depression. I almost feel like swiping some of my mother’s pills so I don’t have to watch you mope around.”

I hissed. “Don’t worry about it.” All I had to do was train my mind to wander onto more relevant things. Things like gardening. I sighed. “Are you ready to leave?”

“What exactly is your problem? I remember you saying that you didn’t give a sh.it about this. That it would just be like it was before his parents got divorced. So what is this? Tell me. What is this?” she asked sincerely. She was looking at me expectantly.

Something about her tone broke my resolve. “Yu-yun Ah, I-I-I….” I couldn’t even get the words out because they were yet to form in my head.

“Do you like him?” she asked, looking directly in my eyes.

I moved away from her and looked at my feet.

“Hee Soo ah, answer me. Do you like him?”

I sighed and looked back at her.

She chuckled. “That much, huh?”

I hadn’t even admitted it to myself. Something about it was just so... scary. Did I like Park Ji Tae? I looked away and nodded. “I guess so.” Wasn’t a weight supposed to get lifted off my shoulders? Now that I finally admitted it, wasn’t I supposed to break into song and skip around some ice covered mountains? So why did it still suck?

“And you and Ki Won?”

I looked away. “I’ve always liked Ki Won. You know he's always been on my side.”

Yun Ah laughed. “My friend, the player,” she joked.

“I’m being serious.”

“Me too. What about Ji Tae? Why don’t you tell him?”

I shook my head. “I already told you that he pretty much told me to fcuk off.”

“So what?”

“He completely ignores me when I see him so there’s absolutely not hope there.” I told her about our antiques-selling trip. “The whole thing just sucks. You should have heard the things he said to me so there’s no way he wants to hear anything like this. In fact, it’ll probably piss him off more.”

“Poor you,” she sympathized.

“I know, right? It just sucks.” No weight had been lifted but it felt good talking to Yun Ah about it.

“Well, you’re just going to have to get over it. There are far too many hot guys out there for you spend you days pining over one that doesn’t want you. Wasn’t that guy at the mall hitting on you the other day?”

I rolled my eyes. “That guy must have been at least 30!” And looked like he was 40.

“I’m just saying that you have options. And it’s not like you guys dated or anything so it’s not a break up. It’s a crush so it’s no big deal. Just move on. If he’s ignoring you, then it’s his loss. Just get over it.”

Sure. And I didn’t have the energy to point out that it was much easier said than done.

“Just forget him. And in the meantime… Do you remember that saying?” she continued.

“Which one?”

“If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”

Chapter 20

2010-12-13T16:57:00.000-05:00

“Hey, be careful,” Ji Tae’s voice startled me, waking me up from my daydream. Even though he hadn’t spoken to me in years (okay, three weeks in real time), I hadn’t forgotten his voice. Not that I could if I’d wanted to, after all, the last conversation we’d had seemed to be etched into my memory.

I looked at him with widened eyes. “What?”

He pointed at the ground in front of me. “Yun ah ssi…”

Which was when I remembered that I wasn’t walking alone. I glanced at her and saw that she was even more shocked at what was happening.

“…some idiots were out here playing with bottles so they made a mess…”

I looked at the ground and saw large pieces of glass scattered all around. School had only just let out and Yun Ah was in one of her generous moods so she’d agreed to wait with me till my mother picked me up. We’d planned on convincing her driver to get us some pizza.

“… so be careful,” Ji Tae finished.

“Thank you,” Yun Ah carefully said as she looked to me for guidance.

“No problem. See you around,” he said before turning around.

I stood there with my arms folded and watched him leave. How nice. Was I wearing an invisibility cloak without my knowledge?

Yun Ah put her arm around me and when he was no longer within earshot, said, “Dang girl, I see what you mean.”

I shrugged. “Fcuk him,” I said, playing with my fingernails. Enough was enough! If I ceased to exist to him then he ceased to exist to me. Ignoring bastards was my favorite pastime. As far as I was concerned, Park Ji Tae was dead.

***

“What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything to her.”

“Ji Tae, stop lying. Come on, stop lying!”

Even though I was trying my best not to listen to their conversation, I couldn’t help but hear them because they were screaming at the top of their lungs. Wasn’t lunch meant for eating? Was it about talking about some extremely unfunny stuff that happened at school?

“Look, I was trying to be nice. That was why I asked So Yeon to discreetly tell her. With emphasis on 'discreet'.”

“But like the dummy she is,” the friend continued, “she put her hand up and said, “Mrs. Oh, there’s something on your dress!” the entire group of about five boys finished in unison.

I rolled my eyes. Why didn’t they just get a blow horn?

“Hee Soo,” Yun Ah said, catching my attention. “Aren’t you hungry?’

I scrunched my nose. “Why?”

“Because you’ve barely touched your food.”

Wasn’t it funny how life turned out? A few months earlier, Ki Won would have force fed me if he’d seen me neglecting my food but this time, he just smiled at us and continued eating. His freaking permanent smile was beginning to get on my second-to-the-last nerve.

“How come you decide you’re not eating on the day I’m treating? If you knew you weren’t going to eat, why did you get food? I could have saved my money,” she complained. It was funny how the richest people were also the stingiest.

I stuffed my mouth with noodles then made a face at her.

“Poor woman. I wonder how she’s going to face us next week,” some idiot from behind us said.

I looked around my table; from the uninterested Ki Won to the grumpy Yun Ah to the… to the, well, Kyung Min was just there, which was no different from how he normally was. But it was different and since it wasn’t the good kind of different, not for the first time, I wondered if I fcuked up by changing our dynamic.

***

We were at Si Won’s soccer match and for the first time in a long while, I was actually watching the game. Ji Tae was nowhere to be found –not that I looked- and that served my purposes well because how can you forget someone you keep seeing?

I was watching the game and giggling to myself about the Ass-Anal name when I noticed that Si Won had gotten hold of the ball. I turned to my side, expecting to see Ki Won going crazy but to my surprise, he wasn’t even looking at the field! I followed the direction of his gaze and lo and behold, there stood Lee Hye Jin in all her glory. She was dressed in dark jeans with her black jacket unzipped, revealing a loose fitting red t-shirt. As usual, her face stole the show which had been accentuated with long dangly earrings and pink lipstick.

I stared at her dark eyes and wondered how many lambs her parents had had to sacrifice to get a child that looked like that. If they weren't too many, why couldn’t my parents have done the same?

I looked back at Ki Won and saw that his eyes were still trained on her. If she moved left, so did his eyes. I wondered if his eyes would bounce out of their sockets if she picked up a jump rope and started skipping.

The most interesting thing was, he wasn’t being a pervert and leering at her or anything. And it wasn’t so innocent that it was like a child looking at his rubber ducky. It was more of a look of adulation mixed with some longing. Not in the sexual way (although a bit of that was thrown in) but it was a look that combined a lot of things but said only one: I want to be with you.

My heart suddenly hurt as I realized that I was the main reason that they weren’t together. Not that she’d even glanced at him once so I didn’t know if his feelings were returned, but I couldn’t deny my own role in the entire mess.

I groaned as I bent over in shame. Why the hell did I do that to someone I claimed to love? What the fcuk was wrong with me?

***
“Ki Won ah, we need to talk.”

The game had just ended and Si Won and the rest of his teammates were taking their showers. We’d been walking to his car in silence when I spoke up.

He smiled at me. “What about?”

I inhaled. How exactly was I going to start this?

“Did something happen?” he asked worriedly.

Yes. Something humongous.

I shook my head. “No,” I said darting my eyes away.

He put his hand on my shoulder. “What is it?”

I took another deep breath and decided to be a woman. Yes, it was time to, what did they usually say? Yes, kick the horse in its balls. I looked up at him. “Let’s break up.”

From the look on his face, I could tell that I’d somehow fcuked that saying up.

***

I stood at the bus stop and waited. According to the customer service rep from Seoul Transit, I only had a few more minutes to wait for the bus that’ll take me to the second bus that would eventually take me home.

The entire thing with Ki Won had been a bit of a blur. He went from being shocked, to begging me to change my mind, to cursing me out, to taking his brother and driving off without me.

I knew that I should have been feeling both miserable and extremely guilty and although I did feel those things, mostly, I was relieved. Relieved that I didn’t have to keep lying to myself about how I felt about Ki Won. Relieved that I no longer had to try to be part of something that didn’t exist. Relieved that I didn’t have to keep ignoring the inner voice that had been screaming that I’d made a mistake. Relieved that….

“Do you need a ride?”

I looked over to see Ji Tae standing a few feet from me. And he was looking… cuter? Wasn’t winter supposedly bad for your looks? Why so much life in his face? Oh, I remembered – he no longer had to deal with me.

What a stupid fcuker, I thought. There I’d been, counting off the numerous ways I’d been relieved, all ready to write a thesis on it but the one person who spelt the opposite of relief – whatever that was- had come to interrupt my flow.

“Hyung’s wife is feeling better so they both came to watch their son’s game. They’ve all left now,” he explained.

Hmm… okay. So why are you telling me? Or was he so confused that he'd started talking to air? How many weeks had gone by with you avoiding me like I was the most contagious type of leper? Just when I’d decided that I was going to forget you, you decide to talk to me? Whatever.

The sound of the bus approaching my stop interrupted my mini-rant. I looked over at Ji Tae and hissed. I really couldn’t deny that he looked good. Luckily, he was wearing a cap so I couldn’t really see his eyes but the street light was shining in such away that I could still see those soft lips. Did shock therapy help eliminate memories?

“So?”

I shook my head. “No thanks,” I said as the bus driver opened the door. The sooner he left, the better it would be for everyone. But freakity freak, this was only going to make me miss him even more.

***

“Hee Soo,” someone called from behind. I’d just gotten off the first bus and was walking to wait for the next one which was on a road adjacent to the one I was walking on.

When I turned around, I saw Ji Tae running towards me. What the hell? Had he followed me?

“What did you just say?” he asked when he was stopped running.

What the hell? Had he been injected with some kind of serum? What was with all the talking to me?

He moved closer. “What did you just say?”

Oppa’s talking to me, I thought as my heart started beating faster.

“What did you just say?” he repeated. When he got closer, I could see a spark of anger mixed with confusion in his eyes.

I cleared my throat. “About what?” I asked, pushing down my scarf from my nose.

“Before you got on the bus. What did you say?”

Okay, so maybe not a serum but was he suffering from some sort of dementia? “Park Ji Tae ssi, all I did was thank you.”

He shook his head and stepped dangerously close. “After that.”

What the heck? When I tried to back away, he quickly grabbed me and kept me in place.

The temperature had dropped but my palms were sweating anyway. I was running the gamut of emotions from confusion to anticipation to excitement to well… fear. What was going on? “Op… I mean, Park Ji Tae ssi, I didn’t say anything.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did,” he yelled, moving even closer so that our noses were almost touching.

I could smell what he’d had for lunch but I wasn’t disgusted. His breath on my face was welcome heat. I tried not to look at his lips for fear of where my mind would wander.

I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to be forgetting him so I pushed him away.

“Just repeat what you said.” Even though he’d let me get a few inches from him, he was still holding onto my hand.

“My bus is soon going to be here. I don’t want to miss it.”

“Just repeat what you said and I’ll let you go.”

“Dude, I didn’t say anything! All I did was thank you. Anything else was your imagination.”

He shook his head. “I heard you distinctly.”

“Really? So why don’t you just tell me what I said?” Leave me the fcuk alone. What the fcuk?

“You said you're going to miss me more.”

I said… ? I looked up at him in shock. The freaking mind reading thing was back again. How’s that fair?

He inched closer. “Is that true?”

“What’s it to you? You hate me, remember? You want me out of your life, remember? I am now invisible to you, remember?”

He kept moving closer. “But is it true?”

“It shouldn’t matter to you.” My voice was getting all choked up. I didn’t recognize his cologne but it smelled good.

He was now holding both of my hands which were still at my sides.

“Ji Tae, let me go,” I said, turning away as he moved his body into mine.

“Answer me and I’ll let you go,” he said. Because of the way my head was turned, he practically said it into my ear.

“Ji Tae…”

“Answer me.”

“Please…”

“Just answer me. Do you miss me?”

ARGH!!!!!!!! I snapped my head around. “Yes, I miss you okay? I miss you. What are you going to do about it? Tell me how incredibly pathetic I am for having these feelings? Laugh at me for having feelings for someone who hates me? Throw a parad--”

My words were cut short by his mouth on mine. I was shocked for a few moments till it sunk in that Ji Tae Oppa was actually kissing me! Did that mean that I didn’t have to forget him? That I didn’t have to think about not missing him? That I actually had him? Yay!

As I kissed him back, I noticed that his lips were even softer than they’d previously been. His hands slowly traveled up my arms and my skin tingled at his touch. I slowly shut my eyes so I could get the full experience of the kiss. I parted my lips so that I could taste his lips from a different angle. It was weird but even though I could feel the softness of his lips, I could still feel the hardness of his kiss. I pushed my mouth even closer so that…

What the fcuk? Why did it stop? Shortly after I opened my eyes, he took his hands off me like he’d just remembered that I did have leprosy.

“Oppa, what--”

He looked disgusted with himself then turned around and started walking away.

What the…? I chased after him. “Oppa!”

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he grumbled. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

I ran ahead so that I could block his path. I put my hands on his chest to stop him from walking. “What wasn’t supposed to happen?”

“I promised myself that it was over. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to ever do this again. What the fcuk is wrong with me?” he mused, knocking his head with both fists. It was like he didn’t even notice that I was standing in front of him.

What has he saying? Was he trying to go back?

“No, I deserve better, no I--”

It was my turn to shut him up with my lips. I didn’t know where it came from but I grabbed his face and kissed him. I saw the shock in his eyes and almost giggled into his mouth.

“What was that?” he asked when we broke apart a few seconds later.

I laughed. “What did it feel like?”

He gave me a sidelong look.

“What? You’re not convinced? You want me to do it again?” I dared. Instead of waiting for a response, I kissed him again. This time, he didn’t seem so shocked and instead, kissed me very softly and methodolically, like he’d kissed me so many times that it came naturally to him.

For my part, I put my arms around his waist and matched every movement he made. I wasn’t a kissing expert but I could already tell that kissing Ji Tae would be fun. It was a good thing that his two best features were on his face.

When we finally broke apart, he said, “I’m not quite sure I know that’s going on.”

I laughed. “What’s there to understand? Apparently, I miss you.”

He raised his brow. “Meaning that you like me?”

“Meaning that 'I care about you',” I said, mimicking his voice.

“You really do?” he asked sincerely.

I nodded. It was definitely different from what I felt with Ki Won. I kissed him and wanted to kiss him even more. Surely that had something to do with liking someone, right?

“Are you still taking the bus?” he teased when we heard the bus approaching.

I playfully punched him in the belly.

He put his arm around me and led me to his car. “You realize that you’re being let off easy, right?”

I rolled my eyes.

“The way you acted wasn’t so… nice.”

I pouted. Was I about to get a scolding? “I’m sorry.”

“And I hope you realize that I’m not a punk for accepting you so willingly. It’s just that we don’t have much time left and despite my better judgment, I want to spend it with you.”

“Your better judgment?” I repeated incredulously.

He looked down at me. “Heck, yeah!” A smile was tugging at his cheek.

I pushed his hand off me and stood in front of him, frowning furiously. “Well, judge this!” I said right before I pulled him closer and kissed him. Yeah, kissing Ji Tae rocks!

Chapter 21

2010-12-12T15:12:00.000-05:00

“What’s she doing here?” Kyung Min asked angrily.

Yep, that’s right: Kyung Min asked angrily. For the first time in God-knows-how-long, he expressed an emotion towards someone who wasn’t Yun Ah and it just happened to be anger towards me. How great.

“Yun Ah, what’s she doing here?” he asked again.

“Don’t we normally meet here at lunchtime?” she replied innocently.

I looked away from them and to Ki Won who was standing a few feet behind his friend, growling at me. He wasn’t actually making any sounds but the look on his face could have scared a rabid rottweiler dead.

I shook my head when I realized that I’d been far too naïve. I’d thought that after a good night’s rest, Ki Won would see that I’d made the right decision for us. I hadn’t expected for us to be chummy on Monday morning but I hadn’t expected what was unfolding in front of me.

“Yun Ah, let’s go to lunch,” Kyung Min said, taking her hand. “I’m hungry so let the three of us leave now.”

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. Why did some people like to pump themselves full of ibuprofen for someone else’s headache? “Kyun--”

He raised his hand to cut me off. “Don’t even talk to me,” he said.

I know he didn’t just give me ‘the hand’. What the hell? “You know what, Yun Ah? I’ll catch up with you later.”

***

“Hey, isn’t that Ji Tae’s friend?”

I turned in the direction of the voice and saw Ji Tae and his usual lunch crew. Seeing him instantly brought a smile to my face. We'd spent the entire previous day on the phone and each time we hung up had been bittersweet because although I felt sad that we were ending the conversation, I was glad to have spoken to someone who made me feel so happy.

After leaving Kyung Moron, I wandered about my campus for a few minutes, wondering if I should go to my usual lunch spot alone or brave our school cafeteria thereby taking a chance at eating someone’s pet Siamese cat.

“Have you had lunch?” Ji Tae asked, walking up to me. He attempted to put his arm around me but I moved away.

Our thing was still very new and I hadn’t gotten my head around it long enough for public displays of affection. It’s one thing to kiss him when no one was around and another to put on a show with all his friends watching. In addition, even though I wasn’t popular, a lot of people knew that I was ‘the girl that Ki Won liked’. Was I now ready to publicly declare that I’d ditched Ki Won for another guy?

“Are you okay?” Ji Tae whispered. Luckily, he’d taken the hint so there was no second attempt at wrapping his arms around me.

I nodded and smiled at him. “Yes, Oppa. So,” I said in a louder voice, “where are we going for lunch?”

***

“See you later,” I said to Ji Tae’s co-workers as we walked out of the building. He’d called me shortly after school ended and asked me to meet him at the library at the end of his shift.

I zipped my winter coat up while I walked down the steps then walked through the door Ji Tae was holding open for me. It was funny how suddenly, seeing him once a day wasn't enough.

Once we were outside, I tied my scarf around my neck.

“Warm enough?” he teased.

“Shut up,” I said, chuckling. The top of his wool hat was wonky so I reached across and adjusted it.

We walked down the road till we reached the pelican crossing and pressed the button to change the walk signal.

“Didn’t you hear me? She’s been torturing me with those Kwon Sang Woo photos!” I said, continuing our conversation.

“And that’s enough reason for me to hack into her computer?”

“Duh! You’re the reason I missed out on meeting my Oppa in the first place! Hey, let’s cross,” I said, after assessing the oncoming traffic. “Come on, let’s go." I grabbed him and pulled him as I ran across the road. A car zoomed past us a few seconds after we made it to the other end. There was something about near-death that turned me into a Valley Girl so I started giggling.

“So now you want to hold me?” he said half-seriously. As usual, his sci-fi eyes revealed his true feelings even though his face was covered in a huge grin.

I looked down at my hand and saw that our fingers were entwined. It was funny that I hadn’t noticed that I was still holding on to him. I looked up. “Have you got a problem with it?”

He shook his head. “No, but you seemed to have a problem with it at school.”

As we walked home, I explained to him the difference between being two random people on the street and becoming ‘Ji Tae and Hee Soo,’ in school. “I don’t want to be part of one of those couples,” I finished. I guess I didn’t really mind being linked to Ki Won because it wasn’t really true but there was something about this relationship that I wanted to protect.

“But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be ourselves. Besides, I’m about to graduate- why should I care about what random people say?”

“Well, I still have one more year,” I reminded him.

“So what? You worry too much. Are you saying that if I want to take you by the waist,” he said, doing just that, “and pull you close to me, I shouldn’t do it? Especially when I know I won’t be able to do it for that much longer?”

I groaned. Why did he have to bring that sh.it up again?

***

“So, Ji Tae ssi, what does your father do?” Appa asked him. Ji Tae was sitting next to my father while I was sitting next to my sister and across from them. His mother was sitting next to mine.

The entire room growled while, with downturned eyebrows, my father looked at the sheet of paper in front of him.

I hadn’t planned on revealing my new relationship to my parents, but since I had to explain why I was disappearing to the library every evening and also get out of attending the shareholders’ party scheduled for the next day, which fell on Ji Tae and I’s first Friday night together i.e. the chosen day for our first official date, I had to tell them.

On hearing this, my father had insisted that we invite Ji Tae and his mother to dinner for a formal introduction. I tried to explain to him that we weren’t getting married so the formalities were unnecessary as they were friends of the family but my father wasn’t having it and insisted that there were “certain ways we do these things.”

“My father’s a plastic surgeon,” Ji Tae replied. He signaled to me that everything was okay.

But it wasn’t. It was bad enough that my father was asking silly questions, but did Ji Tae have to reply? “Appa, why are you asking questions you already know the answers to?”

He sighed. “Good point.” He skimmed his list a bit more then cleared his throat then said, “Young man, what are your intentions with my daughter?”

“APPA!”

“Keep quiet, Hee Soo. This is the first time you’ve brought a boy home and I’m only asking very simple, standard questions.”

“Dad, you asked him about his future plans, what his father does and now what his intentions are. You are treating him like a stranger,” I protested.

“Stranger or not, these are the questions you ask so stop interrupting. I downloaded them from the internet so I am sure there’s nothing wrong with them.”

Mi Soo giggled, then Mrs. Park and before I could say anything, the rest of the room joined them.

“What’s so funny? Aren’t these normal questions? Aren’t fathers supposed to give their daughters’ boyfriends a hard time?” he said, laughing.

We laughed a bit more before the surprisingly unjealous Mi Soo asked, “So Appa, is this what Harbuji did when you first met him?”

“Yes,” I interjected, “Halmoni said that you used to hang at Umma’s house a lot. I heard that your Appa and Umma’s Appa were close friends.”

My father rubbed his chin. “Close friends? Not really. Back when my father still owned the farm, he was one of your grandfather’s suppliers so they had a good business relationship.”

“Really? Then how did you meet Umma?” I asked, pleased that the attention had been deflected from Ji Tae and me.

“Our parents ran into one another at one of those PTA meetings. What were they called back then?” my father asked with a faraway look.

“I think it was PCC,” Ji Tae’s mother offered.

My father nodded. “Yes, I think that’s it. So it was one of those rare times that my father had time to come to my school so after the meeting, your grandfather formally introduced me to your mother and asked me to take care of her.”

“But your father didn’t realize that it was just a joke and took it literally,” my mother teased.

***
“Are you sure about this?” I asked, looking at my reflection in the mirror. The black dress was hugging my body so tightly that if I ate a pea, everyone could watch it slowly travel down my body.

“Yes. It’s your first official date with your first real boyfriend. Don’t you want to wow him?” Yun Ah asked rhetorically.

I rested my weight on my left foot and stared at my wonderbra-created cleavage. “But isn’t the neckline too low?”

She rolled her eyes. “You can wear a shawl if you’re feeling self conscious but it looks great,” she said as she walked behind and stared at my reflection. "You look really pretty,” she said, hugging me from behind.

I smiled even though I wasn’t quite sure about it. I did look ‘hot’ if I said so myself but it still looked a little wrong. But on the other hand, if I was going to try to make Ji Tae stay, I had to at least give him a good reason to.

I took her arms off me then turned around and thanked her.

“You’re welcome. But I, too, would like to wear a dress like that for my boyfriend.”

I scowled. Kyung Moron had asked her to choose between me and him and she’d chosen me. I was touched by her gesture but I couldn’t exactly get back with Ki Won for their sake. “What can I do?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know but you have to fix it because I’m not quite ready to divorce my First Husband. I know he’s an idiot; indirectly picking Ki Won over me then asking me to pick him over you, but still…,” she said, moping.

I pursed my lips. “Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something.”

***

I brushed non-existent lint off my dress, inhaled then walked into the living room. My toes cursed me and, I in turn, cursed myself for allowing Yun Ah to talk me into buying such high heeled, pinching shoes. I had barely walked two feet and I was already thinking of taking painkillers along with me. At this rate, Ji Tae would probably have to carry me in and out of the car. Oh… wait. Was that the point?

Ji Tae’s jaw dropped the instant I walked into the room. He looked older and handsome in the black sports coat and slacks he was wearing. I smiled when I realized that even though we hadn’t planned it, we matched. How cute.

I spun around. “So what do you think?”

With his mouth still ajar, he looked me over. “Is that what you’re wearing?”

“Yes.”

“Are you serious?”

“Uhm… yeah.” How about a different reaction?

He sighed then sat on the couch. “You need to go and change. We might be late for our reservations but go and change,” he said, looking at me and scratching his head.

“Sorry?” I was sure that I was hearing things.

“Hurry up and go and change.”

Is this what a relationship was? A man ordering a woman around? I took a deep breath in and tried to stay calm. “Oppa, why should I change?”

“Have you ever worn anything like that before?”

I shook my head. “So?”

“So why do you have to start now? Please change.”

I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet. There I was, permanently disfiguring my feet to please him and there he was, sitting there and being unappreciative. “Oppa, I’m also wearing this shawl,” I said, showing it to him and putting on. It was made of grey silk and was on loan from my mother.

He barely even looked at it. “Hee Soo, please hurry up and change.”

After over two hours of hair and make up he wanted me to mess it all up? I shook my head. “No.”

“Hee Soo, please go and change or we’ll lose our reservations.”

“Ji Tae, if we leave now, we’ll make our reservations.”

He sighed. “I can’t go out with you looking like that,” he said with the definitiveness of an executioner.

“Then go by yourself,” I replied in a small voice. He was not the boss of me.

“What?”

“You heard me,” I said, looking directly into his eyes. “If I can’t go looking like this, then I’m not going at all.”

He stood up. “Are you crazy? Go back to your room and change!”

“No! Are you deaf?” I countered. “I can’t believe you! We’re not even dating five minutes and you already think you can boss me around? I am old enough to wear what I want to wear and you have no right to tell me what to wear!”

***

I climbed into Yun Ah’s car. “What?” I yelled. It was almost 11pm and I’d had to sneak out of my house in my pajamas when she’d sent me an SOS and begged me to come down and meet her.

“Okay, we can go now,” she said to her driver.

“What’s going on?” I screamed as the car sped off. It was one thing to risk leaving my bedroom for 5 minutes and another to leave it for a joyride.

“Since I’m partly to blame for this, I guess I need to fix this. Mr. Bae,” she said, raising her voice and turning to the driver’s seat, “don’t forget to take a left at the next light.”

“Yun Ah, what’s going on?”

“Your boyfriend called me.”

***

“Sit,” Ji Tae ordered.

In a million years, I wouldn’t have imagined being at our lunch restaurant at night but there we were, just the two of us, in the dimly lit room.

The table was set with two empty bowls and all the bibimbap ingredients including rice, beef and vegetables. Instead of turning on the light, he was using an oil lantern to light the room.

I sat down and watched him sit across from me then hand me a bowl and a spoon. I took them from him and waited.

He filled his bowl with everything then mashed them all up. After the preliminary taste, he added more sesame oil then stirred it in. “Aren’t you eating?”

I wasn’t even hungry. Shortly after he left, I’d made myself some noodles and over half of it was still sitting in my fridge. Even though we hadn’t officially been together for up to a week, we’d spent a lot of time together and I found myself increasingly getting attached to him. So the little episode we’d had earlier in the evening hadn’t sat well with me. “Oppa, what is this?"

He smiled grimly. “We couldn’t let our first date end like that, could we?” he said before he filled his mouth with food.

I waited for him to swallow the contents of his mouth before I said anything. “Whose fault was that?”

He dropped his spoon in his bowl and reached across the table and took my hand. “Why did you dress like that?”

Because I wanted to look hot for you? I tried my best not to blush but it was a battle I couldn’t win. “Didn’t you like it?”

He looked away. “I must admit that it certainly had its appeal…”

I stifled a giggle.

“… but it wasn’t you. I like you and not who ever that was.”

***

I rinsed the last bowl and put it in the basin with all the other clean tableware. Over dinner, Ji Tae claimed that since he’d prepared all the dishes (lies) and persuaded the Ajumma to lend him her restaurant after closing, solely because she really liked him (more lies) even though she didn’t know me (pants on fire), I had to do all the washing and cleaning up. I did give him credit for finding a way to fix our first date so I decided to do my part. I took it as my first lesson in ‘making a relationship work’.

I was walking to the lantern when I felt his palm over my eyes. Considering how dark it was, it was a good thing that I could already recognize his smell otherwise, he’d have been lying in the hospital with permanent groin damage. Instead, I reached behind me and tickled him in the belly.

“Stop that,” he said, doubling over. But I didn’t and he ended up falling backwards in the grass. I stood over him, laughing and pointing, but not for long because he pulled me down and tickled me in my armpits. We rolled on the grass, tickling and laughing till we were worn out.

He propped himself up with his elbow and looked down at my face. He rubbed my cheek and his lips broke into a lazy smile. “Do you know how pretty you look right now?”

“How pretty?” I could feel dirt and grass on my forehead.

He bent his head down and kissed me softly. I kissed him back as I softly caressed the hand that was resting on my cheek. Even though it was technically cold, his lips were keeping me warm.

“I’m glad you did this,” I said shortly after we got off the ground. I knew it wasn't a first date that I'd forget anytime soon.

He nodded as he locked the door to the restaurant. “Me too. But it’s your turn the next time we fight.”

I laughed till I realized that if he had his way, we wouldn’t even have enough time to have many fights. As we walked to his car, I took mental pictures of him, sad that ours was one of those relationships with a predeterminded ending. And since this relationship thing was new for me, I knew I still had a lot to learn. Why couldn't he stay behind and teach me? How could he just leave me like that? Hmm.... I'd already toyed with the idea but maybe, just maybe I could stop him from leaving Korea.

Chapter 22

2010-12-11T17:31:00.000-05:00

“What’s going on?” Ki Won asked, visibly annoyed.

I stood up and pulled his chair out. “Please sit down,” I beckoned.

Since I couldn’t take Yun Ah’s nagging any longer, I decided to get off my a.ss and try to do something about the Ki Won-Kyung Moron situation.

My first step was to get in touch with Hye Jin and explain everything to her. The second step was to get her to agree to meet with Ki Won and surprisingly enough, it didn’t involve that much begging. In fact, she gave in way too easily.

I glanced at her sitting beside me and hoped that she wasn’t going to use the meeting as an opportunity to embarrass Ki Won for dropping her like that and end up creating a huge scene where she’d throw her drink in his face, or even worse, pull out a knife and stab him. Hey, if soap operas were to be believed, pretty girls were particularly vindictive so I’d brought my umbrella with me just in case.

“Ki Won ah, please sit.”

He shook his head. “Why should I?”

I almost laughed. What was with all the fronting? The guy was talking to me but his eyes kept darting at the person next to me. In addition, it seemed like there was some kind of centripetal force pulling him towards the chair so I knew that he wanted to stay. But as a friend, I had to humor him. “Ki Won, please sit,” I repeated.

He obliged me. “Now what?”

Back in my seat, I cleared my throat then explained everything to him. I told him how I loved him as a friend and I hoped we would remain so; how I allowed my jealousy to control me; how I was sorry for coming in between them and how I hoped that we could all be friends again.

I put my hand on his and looked in his eyes. “Ki Won, I’m really sorry and I hope you can forgive me.” I paused. “I really do because I miss my friend,” I said, smiling warily.

All the sounds around me seemed to get louder as I waited for him to respond.

After what must have been a whole minute, he nodded and said, “Is that it?”

Even though he was trying to put on the whole tough guy act, I could already tell that forgiveness was in the near future. “Yes, there’s something else,” I said, getting up. “I already gave the waiter some money so you guys should have dinner on me. Oh… and by the way, I only gave the guy 40,000 won so if your bill ends up being higher than that, you’re going to have to pay the difference. Enjoy your meal!”

***

“What is this?” Ji Tae asked, lifting his head.

“I believe that’s alexandrite,” I replied smugly. “I hope it doesn’t give me an infection seeing that they are not diamonds.”

He laughed. “It won’t. And what do you need a diamond for anyway?” he said, running his finger along the necklace. “I must say that I’m glad to see that you’re finally wearing it.” He put his head back down and went back to work on me.

As he softly kissed my neck, I shut my eyes and moaned as I enjoyed the sensation of his gentle nibbles. When I started playing with his hair, he slowly traveled down to my collarbone.

So another thing I learned about relationships was that once you started making out, you just couldn’t stop. Maybe it was that we'd gotten a lot of the talking out of the way when we were 'just friends' but lately, we reserved most of the talking to when we were apart and when we weren’t, it was on! Why am I such a whore sometimes?

When he slid his hand down my belly, I quickly sucked it in and was about to giggle till I felt his fingers slide towards….

“Dude,” I said, pushing him off. “What are you doing?” I sat up on the bed and buttoned my shirt up.

“Argh!” he exclaimed. He was lying with his back to the bed, looking at the ceiling. “Not again.”

“What do you mean by ‘not again’?” I readjusted myself so that I was sitting with my back on the bed board and pulled my knees to my chest. “Your hand has no business going there!” My hand still had to get permission before going down there. What did he think he was doing?

He propped his head on a pillow and turned to me. “If you won’t let me put my fingers there, how can anything else go there?”

“Anything else? What else? Nothing else needs to go there!”

“Come on, Hee Soo yah. It’s a normal part of life – it’s a way couples express the way they feel about each other.”

“Whatever! You don’t need to do that,” I scrunched my nose, “to express how you feel. Have you ever heard of emails, letters, IM, telegrams or just plain talking? How about that?”

He hissed. “You know that’s not what I mean.”

“And what about the girl in Jeju Island? What exactly were you expressing to her?”

He groaned. “Am I going to regret telling you about that?”

Apparently, the previous summer, just before he’d gone to The States on vacation, he and his friends had gone to Jeju Island where he met the random girl he lost his virginity to. Stupid ass. He should be grateful that I didn’t make him take an AIDS test before letting him kiss me.

“All I’m saying is,” I got off the bed and started putting my shoes on, “you dated Lee Tae Ran for almost two years and you guys never had sex but you met some chick while you were partying with your friends and you had sex with her. Now you want to have sex with me after like… how long? And I’m supposed to believe that it’s something special? Spare me!”

He sat up in the bed. “Why are you twisting everything?”

“There’s nothing to twist. What did I twist?” I rolled my eyes.

He got off the bed and walked to me. “As I’ve told you a million times, it’s different with us and I want to have my real first time with you,” he said, reaching out to touch me.

But I moved my arm to avoid his touch. “Whatever, Oppa. Tell that to someone born yesterday. The simple fact is that you don’t care enough about to me to stay here and wait till I’m ready. I’m not going to rush myself just because you're leaving. I’m not the one leaving. You’re leaving. If you really care, maybe you’ll stay.”

***

“What did you do?” I whispered to Mi Soo.

“I didn’t do anything! You’re probably the one in trouble!”

During lunch, The Suckers had been told to get ready for a family meeting. Family meeting?!!? Why did we need a special family meeting when all members of the family were present at the dinning table? Why couldn’t they just tell us then? Why did parents just love to torture their kids by having them stew in fear thinking up the dreariest situations?

“Just know that if you’re the reason I’m in trouble, you’re dead!” I said to her through ventriloquist lips.

At that moment, my parents walked into the room and sat across from us.

My throat suddenly got tight and I could feel my heart beating out of control. What the hell were they going to say? Was I adopted?

“Well,” my father started. He linked his hand with my mother’s and smiled at her. “Well, we’ve got some big news....”

News? Good news? Did someone win the lottery? Hmm... well, there's a plane I've got my eye on.

“…you’re going to have a new brother or sister.”

What? “Me? Or her?” I asked, pointing at Mi Soo.

“What?” they all asked in unison.

Oh. Sh.it. What? I-I’m going to…. “I’m sorry, Umma, you’re pregnant?”

My mother smiled and nodded. “Yes, about three months.”

Eww. I could already feel the bile crawling up my throat. My parents were still having sex? My parents were having sex? In my house? My father still put his… UGH. I stood up to get some water. “Does anyone want anything to drink?”

A few moments later, after I’d calmed down, my father said, “That’s not all.”

My sister and I glanced at one another. Not all?

“Hee Soo, with the new baby, everything will be tighter and we don’t think we’ll be able to afford your current school fees.”

***

Ji Tae walked in and slammed the door behind him. The sound was so unexpected that I jumped off his bed.

I didn’t really know what was going on but shortly after I’d come over to whine about changing schools, his father arrived and for about twenty minutes since, there’d been non-stop screaming in the living room.

“I can’t believe that man!” Ji Tae said, pacing around his room. “I can’t believe him!”

I tugged at his shirt to get him to stop. I was already getting dizzy watching him. “What happened?”

“He doesn’t want me to leave so he’s frozen all my accounts. Can you believe that? He’s frozen my accounts? How am I going to pay my college tuition now? And he knows how expensive American universities are.”

I had to bend my head to hide my face. Was I a bi.tch for being slightly pleased by that? Not about his father freezing his accounts but that now he might have to consider something other than an American university? Did that make me the worst kind of girlfriend? “I’m sure you’ll think of something else,” I said, reassuringly rubbing his shoulder.

“Whatever. He must think that he can use money to control me. No way! Cut me off, okay? I’m not going to die. Now, I definitely don’t have anything holding me back here.”

Hearing that, my legs gave way and I fell on his bed with such force that the bed bounced me up.

“What’s the big deal?” he continued ranting. “I’ll leave now. What the hell? He’s threatening legal action? How’s he going to do that when I’m gone?” He pulled a suitcase from his closet and started throwing things in it. “Fuc.k him! I’ll leave today!”

I watched the scene with increasing horror. He had nothing holding him back? He wanted to leave immediately? I tried my hardest to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. “Your father doesn’t want you to leave, that’s all. He’s only doing this because he loves you.”

“F.uck that! If he loved me, he’d never have left us! I’m leaving and there’s nothing he can do about it. I’m going to forget him and this place the minute I leave,” he said, looking around his room. "I can’t believe him!”

The minute he leaves he’s going to forget everything? Including me? Why am I such an idiot? How the hell did I get involved in this mess? Did he even care about how everything was affecting me? Why was I still with him? I sat up straight. “Ji Tae, let’s break up.”

There was absolutely no reaction from him so I couldn’t tell if he’d heard me. He shut his suitcase and walked over to his computer desk.

“Ji Tae, did you hear me? Let’s break up.”

When he didn’t say anything, I got off the bed and headed for the door. When I reached for the doorknob, he quickly ran over, locked the door and put the key in his pocket. Then he went back to his computer desk and sat down on the chair.

I fiddled with the doorknob to see if I could open the door but it obviously didn’t work. “Oppa, let me out.”

He completely ignored me and started typing.

“Oppa,” I screamed. “Let me out!”

“No,” he said, without turning around.

“Listen, Park Ji Tae, don’t let me scream this house down. I am no longer your girlfriend so I have no reason to be in your room. Let me out!”

He stood up and cleared the distance between us in a second. “What bullsh.it are you saying?”

“So now you hear me? Finally you see me? I said, let’s b-r-e-a-k up!”

“Are you deranged?”

His face was so close to mine that I had to move to avoid talking to his chin. “Am I deranged? You’re the one going on and on, talking about how you have nothing keeping you in Korea. Talking about how you have to leave now! I have to be deranged to prolong this crap when I know you’re leaving me! When I know you don’t even care enough to give me a second thought! Why would I want to make things worse for myself?”

He dragged me and sat me down on the bed then sat next to me. “You have to know that that was just my anger talking. I was mad about Appa – it had nothing to do with you.”

“Yes, because I’m nothing to you.”

He lifted my chin with his finger and made me look at him. “You know that’s a lie.”

“Then why can’t you stay?” The tears were no longer threatening me – no, they’d begun to fall freely down my cheeks. There was no way I was ready to watch him leave me. “Just stay.”

“You know I can’t.”

“But why? You’re still going to college when you get to America so it’s not like you’ll be seeing your mother everyday. How’s that different from being here in Seoul?”

“Because my mother needs to know that I’m on her side. I know I shouldn’t be taking sides but she needs it more than Appa. My father took all their friends with the divorce – I can’t let her feel like he’s taken me too.”

How could I argue with that? How could I try to fight that?

He pulled me to him and hugged me. I breathed in this scent and wrapped my arms tightly around him. How was that fair? Not only was I going to lose my best friends, I was also losing my boyfriend. Yep. Sucks to be me.

"So should we just break up now? Won't it be easier that way?"

I felt his body stiffen. "How would that be easier? Shouldn't we try to make the best of the time we've got?"

But the more time I spent with him, the harder I knew it would be to let go. But not being with him when he was still around made even less sense. "I guess you're right."

“Of course I am." I felt the tension leave his body. "Oh, and do you remember that you owe me?” he whispered into my ear.

I pulled back and looked at him. “Why are you bringing that sh.it up again?”

“Because I have to collect.”

I shook my head. “I don’t owe you jack. But… what exactly do you want from me?” I asked curiously. Hey, sometimes a girl just needed to know.

He exhaled. “Well, you have to promise me that you won’t cry when I’m leaving.”

The fu.ck? My eyes had begun to sting again.

“No. Let me rephrase that. You can’t cry anymore.”

“That’s your wish? That’s what you’ve wanted the whole time?” Had he had some kind of master plan? “Did you always know you were leaving?”

He shook his head vehemently. “No. I already got my other wish,” he said, smiling secretively. “So this is my new one: you can’t cry anymore.”

Chapter 23

2010-12-10T23:26:00.000-05:00

The turn out at Ji Tae and his mom’s farewell party was pretty surprising. Other than all of Ji Tae’s friends, we also had his mom’s co-workers and a lot of the kids from the Institute. In addition, somehow, a few of her old friends got wind of it and in the end, my parents didn’t even have to pay for much because a hotel owner friend of hers let us use two of their conference rooms for free. The first one was where the official farewell party was held with the dinner and long boring speeches about how they were going to miss them blah blah yawn blah blah and the second room was the fun one which had a DJ and hors d’oeurves where the wrinkle-free bunch could have fun without being under the watchful eyes of their parents.

We were all in a circle dancing when I saw Ki Won standing at the hors d’ouerves table so I excused myself and went over to him.

“What’s up?” I said, smiling. My last day of school had been particularly emotional because it was the first time all five of us had lunch together. After we got over the initial weirdness, we ended up having a good time so I did regret the fact that we didn’t patch things up much sooner.

“Nice party,” Ki Won commented, swaying to the music.

“So why don’t you join us?” I asked, beckoning for him to come over from the other side of the table.

He shook his head. “I am a little hungry so I’ll join you when I’m done.”

I arched my brow. “And that’s going to be when? In another hour?” I teased.

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

While we were laughing, Ji Tae came over, exchanged pleasantries then left.

“Was it worth it?” Ki Won asked softly, shortly after.

I turned back to him. “What?”

“You and him. You start this thing and he’s already leaving.”

I shrugged. “What can I do?” It’s not like I had any control over it.

“You could have been with me. Think about it, by this time, we would have been like Kyung Min and Yun Ah,” he said, looking at them on the dance floor, “and I’m not traveling thousands of miles away.”

I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not so I decided it was the latter. “In your dreams, Yong Ki Won,” I chuckled, “but speaking of which, where’s Hye Jin?”

He shook his head in exasperation. “She’s busy.”

“Oh, that’s a shame. It would have been nice to see her.”

“Yeah… but she said she couldn’t cancel her date.”

“Her date?”

“Yep. Apparently, she just wants to be friends.”

I laughed. “Well, that sucks.” I shook my head. No wonder he was taking a trip down memory lane. “But seriously though, how is it that a kingka like you can’t even keep a girl? All this time, I thought you were dumping all these girls, could it be that they were… dumping you?” I tapped my lips for added effect.

“No, they wish. And don’t call me that. I’m not a kingka. Besides, it’s not my fault. I believe that you girls were sent on earth to torture poor men like me.”

I laughed. “Ki Won ah, you’ve got jokes.” I made a big show of looking him over. “Poor men like you? You’re not poor and you sure as hell ain’t a man. Alright? Now, let’s dance.”

***

Since it was our last day together, Ji Tae and I decided to enjoy the most we could of Seoul, including its public transportation. Our first trip of the day was a visit to Gyeongbokgung palace.

I looked out the window of the moving bus. “Do you remember the first time we saw this road?”

He leaned forward to peer out of the window and see if he could recognize the area. He shook his head. “No.”

I frowned. “Okay, let me give you another clue: we were on the bus together.”

He smiled. “Well, considering that this is only our second time on a bus together, I guess I can figure it out.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, remember how you got us lost?”

“Maybe I did that on purpose?” he whispered, leaning into me.

I pushed him off. “Yeah, right. You can’t try to make every single thing you did seem planned and romantic. Nope, you’re not going to get away with it. You got us lost. Admit it. Accept it. Own it.”

He laughed.

“But since we are on the topic, I’ve been meaning to ask this. You said you never hated me, right?”

He took my hand and started playing with my fingers. “Yep.”

“So why did you call me ugly and laugh at me in front of all those people?”

His face became a huge mask of confusion. “What?”

I reminded him of our encounter shortly after I'd cut my hair but the confused look didn’t leave his face.

“You don’t remember? How typical. After all, only the victim ever remembers.”

He looked at me and thought about it. “I swear, I don’t remember that.”

“You don’t remember me with short hair?” I showed him my hair. “Come on. Shortly after we moved?”

He angled his head, strained his face and regarded me carefully. “You… with short hair? Oh!” he exclaimed before cracking up.

I frowned. What a stupid ass. I pushed him even further away from me. “Now you remember?”

“I swear, I don’t remember this incident but I remember you with short ha…,” He obviously couldn’t contain himself so he kept on laughing.

I folded my arms and frowned at him. What a loser. How could my misery bring him so much joy? I started pushing him off the seat. He had to hold onto one of the poles to keep from falling off. “Hey. Stop that. STOP IT!”

I dramatically turned away and looked out the window. I really ought to consider a career on the stage.

“Look, I don’t remember that but you were so mean when you first moved in.”

I flung my head back to him. “I was not!”

“Yes you were. I would smile at you and you’d just look through me,” he said, with an obviously fake pained expression on his face.

“No way. I never did that- I was just shy. Don’t try to blame your meanness on me.”

For the rest of our journey, I reminded him of all the times he'd been mean to me and he sat there with a straight face and denied each and every one of them. The whole time, I prayed that God wouldn’t strike him dead or worse, cut his lying tongue off.

***

“You know I will give….”

I jumped off the couch and hit the stop button.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Ji Tae asked, reaching over my shoulder to turn it back on.

I pushed his hand away and turned around. “Dude, can I not hear that song today?”

He shot me an inquisitive look. “Isn’t it your favorite song?”

“So? Does that mean that I have to sing it every time? Besides, that song now has too many memories for me. Do you want me to cry every time I hear it? You know what?” I said, pushing him on the couch, “why don’t I sing instead?”

He found a comfortable spot on the couch while I went through the song list and picked a song.

“Sororul nukkyogamyonso jogumshig soro aragamyonso…”

He made a face. “What the heck is that?”

I shushed him and started dancing.

Then he got up, took my hand, grabbed a microphone and started singing very badly to Bi. What the hell? No more karaoke for Ji Tae! Hot guys like Bi didn’t deserve to have their lyrics bastardized by people like him. So I pushed him back on the couch and sat on his lap to keep him from getting up and wrecking my performance. But the dumb ass didn’t even fight back. He just sat back in the couch with a silly grin on his face and watched me perform the song.

“I do I do yongwonhi hamkehagedanun gu…”

***

“Pull out some old school Marvin Gaye and put it on repeat…”

“What are you doing?” Was he honestly rapping in public? What the fu…?

He ignored me and kept on dancing. We’d already been waiting in line for almost 35 minutes just so that we could get into the elevators and go up to the top of the Namsan Tower.

“Show me you can take it boo…”

“Will you stop?” I begged, giving him my puppy dog eyes.

But all he did was laugh and do a twirl… a manly twirl, might I add. He laughed at the expression on my face. “Gosh, you’re too shy. Why do you worry so much about what other people might say? Huh? What will you do if I kissed you right now?”

At that moment, I noticed the large group of people stepping out of the elevator.

“Hey,” I said, grabbing his hand. “We’re next.”

About five minutes later, we were at the top of the tower, admiring the view. Since it seemed like the entire observation deck was filled with other couples, even one that I swear was made up of middle school kids (seriously! There was no way they were older than 13), I didn’t have any problem holding on to him.

“See what you’re missing by leaving. See how beautiful it looks.” Seoul was definitely beautiful at sunset.

“There are towers in America: The Sears tower, the Empire State building… hey, I can even go to the Statue of Liberty.”

I’d planned to groan but it came out as a grunt. I wiped my nose to make sure there was nothing there then said, “What’s your point? When you look down will you be able to see the Namsan park?”

He shook his head.

“What about the entire Seoul skyline? Will you be able to see that?” I’d adopted the voice of a stern second-grade teacher.

“No,” he said, pouting like one of my students.

“So what’s your point?”

“I have none, Ma’am,” he said before he moved his arm closer around my neck.

“Ugh, you’re choking me,” I joked as I wrapped both arms around him.

We stood in silence and took the view in for a bit longer and I just wanted to stand there all night. It felt so beautiful and peaceful that I wished I could capture that moment and trap it in a little jar.

“Hey,” he said, poking me in the belly.

I jerked back because it tickled a little. I frowned. “What?”

“It’s time to go home.”

I looked at my watch and saw that it was almost 7pm, which was about 23 hours before he got on a plane and left me forever.

I rested my head on his shoulder and exhaled. It’d pondered about it for a while and standing there so close to him, I knew I was about to make the right decision. No, the only decision that made sense for us. “Hey, do you have money?”

He looked down at me suspiciously. “Why?”

“It’s a simple question. Yes or no?”

“I have some. Why?”

I exhaled again. It was time to take the plunge. “Let’s get a room.”

***
I sat on the bed and waited for him to come out of the bathroom. I held the box of condoms in my hand. God. Was I really ready for this? Yeah… sure, right? There was a reason the word “consummate” was used when a married couple finally had sex. We weren’t married but I wanted to complete our relationship. For the rest of my life, I wanted to feel that what I’d shared with Ji Tae had been full and complete. And it wasn’t supposed to hurt if you did ‘it’ with someone you cared about. RIGHT? RIGHT??

I was about to call Yun Ah for verification when my phone rang. I looked at my caller-id and saw that it was from home.

“Hello,” I said hesitantly into the phone. Did she somehow know what I was about to do?

“Hee Soo, where the hell are you? You were supposed to be home an hour ago,” my mother yelled.

“Umma, please don’t yell. I don’t think it’s good for the baby.”

“What do you mean? It’s great for the baby – it lets him or her realize that I am not to be trifled with. I obviously didn’t yell enough when I was carrying you.”

“Umma….”

“Where are you now?”

Did she know or didn’t she know? “What do you mean?”

“What do you think I mean? Where are you?”

“Ehm… ehmm… eh,” I stammered.

“Where’s Ji Tae?”

“He’s in the bathroom.”

“WHAT?”

Argh, sh.it. How the hell did that pop out my mouth?

”You mean the toilet?” she asked.

“Yes.” Phew. Good save.

“Alright. When he’s done, come home. If you’re not here in 30 minutes, you’re in trouble.”

“Okay Umma, but….”

“What?” she asked gruffly.

“How badly does it hurt when you first have sex?”

***

“What now?” Ji Tae yelled in frustration.

I reached over and switched the light on. Then I sat up and used the blanket to cover me and my bra. “I’m just wondering something.”

“What?”

“If there’s blood on the sheets, would we have to wash them ourselves?”

“What?” he said with the most disgusted look on his face.

“Okay, sorry,” I quickly said before switching the light back off. But what was with all the disgust? Like what we were about to do wasn’t disgusting in and of itself.

We started kissing again till another question popped into my head. “Oppa….”

“What now?”

I could tell that he was getting more frustrated with every question but I just had to ask. “What happens if I get pregnant? Since you’re leaving tomorrow, will you come back?”

“You’re not going to get pregnant. We bought something. Remember? We went to the store together."

Well, I'd stayed outside.

“I know, but what if I do? I read that it’s only about 97% effective. What if I’m one of those three percent? What will you do?”

“I don’t know,” he said. He was back to kissing me and obviously not playing any attention.

I switched the light on and pushed him off me. “You don’t know? So you might not come back for me?”

He sighed. He glanced at my body then at my face. “I’ll come back for you, okay? I’ll come back for you.” Then he looked at me intently like there was something at the tip of his tongue.

“What?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing. Any more questions?”

I shook my head.

“Really?”

I nodded.

“Cool,” he said then turned the light back off.

About a minute later…

“Oppa….”

“WHAT?”

“Hey, why are you yelling at me?” I switched the light back on. “Don’t yell at me.”

“Sorry. I’m not yelling. Now what?” He’d begun to sound tired.

“Oppa, will you call me tomorrow? You know in all the movies, the girl always worries that the boy won’t call her the next day.”

He looked at me like I was a complete idiot. “Are you coming to the airport tomorrow?”

I nodded.

“So I’m going to see you, right?” He sighed. He moved up and knelt on the bed. “Do you not want to do this? Is that it?”

I shook my head. “No. I definitely want to do this,” I said before turning the lights back off. I definitely wanted to consummate my relationship. Yes, we had to consummate our relationship. Consummation was imperative.

About two minutes later….

“Oppa….”

“ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What?”

“Let’s just cuddle.”

***

I stood with Ji Tae as he hugged my parents goodbye.

“Be a good boy,” my father said, hugging him.

“You’re coming back to marry my daughter, right?” my mother asked, frowning furiously at him.

I could feel my entire body turning into the color of an extremely ripe tomato. “Umma, how many times will I tell you that nothing happened?” I couldn’t believe she was saying that in front of my father.

She scoffed. “We’ll find out in 9 months! Ji Tae, I can’t believe you disappointed me like this.” She shook her head at him like he'd turned out to be a wayward monk.

He bowed to her. “I’m sorry Ummuni.”

My mother turned away dramatically. “Don’t call me that. Call me Ajumma.”

“Umma!”

She turned back to him and smiled sadly. “Be good to your mother, okay? And thank you for everything. You really saved Mi Soo's life. Otherwise, she’d have had to drop out of school and marry early.”

“Umma!” It was Mi Soo’s turn to be embarrassed. I found it so funny that I broke into a fit of hysterics.

After saying his goodbyes to Mi Soo, and his mother said her goodbyes to us, it was finally our turn.

He stood about a foot from me and said, “Kim Hee Soo, take care of yourself.”

Was that it? “And?” I asked, folding my arms.

“And, I’m really going to miss you.”

I scoffed. “That’s it?”

“And…,” he started, moving closer to me.

I smiled. That was more like it. “And…?” I whispered.

He moved closer and pulled me into a hug. “I’m really going to miss you.”

I hugged him back and held on for dear life. “You do realize that I’m never going to see you again?”

Without letting me go, he pulled back and did his lazy smile thing. “I’m only a plane ride away.”

“Yeah, like a freaking 50 hour plane ride.” I looked into his pretty eyes. But really, no man should have eyes like that. Did his father work on them? I mean, really.

He put his head over my shoulder and it was back to the hugging thing. “You can sleep on the plane.”

“And Philadelphia of all places? Why not Los Angeles or New York? There’s nothing in Philadelphia. I looked it up. Nothing!”

Because I was still holding him, my body shook when he convulsed into laughter. Wasn’t he laughing a little too hard? What I said wasn’t that funny. “Oppa, who’s going to pay for my ticket?” I said, continuing our mundane conversation.

He shrugged. “We’ll find a way.”

Yeah, whatever. I knew we wouldn’t see each other again because I could feel it. As they say, a woman knows.

“Ji Tae yah, it time to leave." His mother’s voice floated into my consciousness.

I could feel the pipe in my eyes getting ready to burst but I wanted to keep my promise not to cry.

“Hey, Hee Soo, I have to go on.”

The prodding tone of his voice made me notice how tightly I'd been holding on to him. “I didn’t mean to suffocate you,” I said, slightly embarrassed.

He smiled. “I don't mind.”

“Okay,” I said, waving at him, “see you.”

“See you,” he said before turning around and walking to his mom. He hadn’t taken two steps before he turned around, grabbed my face and kissed me fiercely. The kiss was a bit freaky because neither of us closed our eyes… at least, not at first. I was freaking out because I knew my parents were standing a few feet away from us, but then when those soft lips expertly kissed me in a way I’d never been kissed, I couldn’t help but shut my eyes. Yeah, he was right – talking wasn’t the only way to express how you felt. And I could feel it. It was almost a summary of our relationship – from the first time I’d laid my eyes on him till that very moment. I promptly forgot my parents and savored my last kiss. My last kiss with my first love. Surely, that was worth getting grounded for.

The kiss ended abruptly with him breaking it off then jogging to meet his mother.

My heart sunk with every step he took. Ji Tae was leaving! My Park Ji Tae was leaving. I stood there, rooted to the floor and watched him walk away.

“You!” I screamed. “You have to turn around!” I waited but he didn’t. “YAHHHHHHH!”

“What?” he said, turning around.

I laughed. I could tell that I was yelling and that other people at the airport were staring at us but at that moment, I couldn’t give a sh.it. “You had to turn around. Our story couldn't end with you not turning around.”

“Our story hasn’t ended.” He lifted his bag, slung it over his shoulder and walked backwards. “Happy now?”

I nodded. “Yes, you can turn around now,” I said, smiling.

“Unnie, look,” Mi Soo said a few seconds later, pointing at the figure of a man standing not too far away.

“YAHHHHHHH! Oppa!” I yelled.

He turned around again. “You’re not going to make me miss my flight. What?”

“Look!”

Ji Tae followed the direction of my finger and did a 90 degree bow to his father.

Mr. Park had been absent at his son's graduation so I was glad to see him there.

After the bow, Ji Tae turned around and started walking again.

I was still watching him when he suddenly turned around. I grinned when I saw that he’d shaped his fingers together to make a heart. I did it right back to him and we stood there for a few seconds, looking like stupid idiots with matching hearts. Then he turned back around.

Mi Soo put her arm around me and we watched him take his shoes off at Security and put them a little plastic bin. When I saw that he was next to go through the metal detectors, my heart stopped.

“Oppa! Ji Tae OPPA!” I screamed. It seemed like the only thing I could move was my mouth - everything else was lifeless.

But he didn’t turn back. He just walked and kept walking till he was through the metal detectors and out of my life. Forever

Chapter 24

2010-12-09T01:56:00.000-05:00

“Hey,” she said as soon as she answered her phone. She moved closer to the wall so as not to block any of the other shoppers. “What’s up?”

“I finally catch you, huh? After what? Like two weeks of phone tag?” the deep voice as the other end asked.

She chuckled. “Yeah, I know right?” She normally didn’t exchange personal information with people she met on the plane but he was a welcome distraction on a long flight and she quite enjoyed his company. So when he asked for her number, she’d only hesitated a little.

“So how about this weekend? Think you can fit me in?” he asked flirtatiously.

“Hmm….” They’d only been out together a few times but since he was putting in an effort so maybe they could go out again? In addition to being tall, handsome and successful, from what she could tell, he was also very sweet… although in her experience, men often turned out to be exactly the opposite of who she thought they were. But what the hell? She’d pulled about 80 hours weeks twice in a row so surely she deserved a night out.

“Maybe Saturday? I’d have to look in my--”

“Come on,” he interrupted jovially, “you don’t have to look anywhere. Just say yes now and I’ll come and pick you up around 8.”

She laughed.

***

He put his wallet in his jacket as he walked out of the store. One of the worst things about having a birthday was returning all the crappy gifts the next week. He was heading towards the exit sign when he practically skidded to a stop at the sight in front of him. She was leaning against the wall with her phone to her ear, talking and laughing. Even though the blunt haircut, crème pant suit and high heels were alien, the body, posture and aura were absolutely familiar. Without realizing it, he moved closer for a better look and when he just happened to catch a glimpse of her smile, his heart stopped.

It would be untrue to say that he’d had a crush on her for years but he’d definitely thought of her more fondly that he’d let on. If anything, he’d enjoyed torturing her. Seeing her frown every time she ran into him constantly amused him. But that smile…

He was still staring at her when she turned around and met his eyes. In addition to her mouth falling open, her eyes widened when her brain made the connection.

She quickly hung up the phone and cautiously walked closer to him. “Oppa?”

At the sound of her voice, all the feelings he’d suppressed came rushing back.

***

Was that really him? As in him. As in Park Ji Tae Him? It had to be because those eyes were unmistakably his. He must have grown at least a few more inches and added around twenty pounds – the good kind, of course. He’d left her a boy-man but eight years later, with the cropped hair, moustache (moustache!), loose jeans and t-shirt, he was all man.

“Park Ji Tae?” she asked again. Even though she'd often thought them, it had been a while since she'd said those three words together.

“Kim Hee Soo?” He slowly walked towards her. “Kim Hee Soo?”

They both kept walking till they were standing about a foot apart. They grinned awkwardly at one another, neither knowing what to do. Do we hug? Do we shake hands? Anyone passing by would have thought they were walking by some kind of mime performance.

Hee Soo finally put her hands on her waist. After all, they were as good a place as any. She grinned widely at him. Was she seeing things? Was he really there? “What are you doing here?”

He pointed at a bench and when she nodded, led the way to it. When they were both seated, he said, “I live here now.”

“Oh,” she said, raising her brow. “Since when?”

“Almost a year and a half.”

“Almost a year and a half?” she repeated incredulously.

He laughed. “Yeah. So I’m quite surprised that I haven’t run into you yet.” Even though he wouldn’t admit it, he’d been hoping to run into her the second he’d stepped on Korean soil.

She angled her head and nodded. “Yeah, I was in Australia for a year – I only got back like… 6 weeks ago.”

Oh. “What did you do there?”

“Work.”

“Cool. So I guess you don’t need any help translating Lost anymore,” he teased.

She giggled. “Don’t worry, you’re off the hook... although my English isn’t that great. But wait a minute…,” she frowned. “You’ve been here for a year and a half and you never called me?”

“Is your number the same?” Not that he’d tried it. For the first month after he left Korea, he’d called her consistently. But the daily calls turned to weekly conversations and in less than six months, they stopped altogether. It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to talk to her but the entire thing seemed so pointless... so fruitless and just plain painful. He’d been the one to stop calling so when he returned, he didn’t even know if he had the right to call her again.

***

“You look so different,” he observed. “Great, but different.” He noticed that her cheekbones were slightly more pronounced.

Hee Soo self-consciously ran her hand through her hair. “And you look exactly the same,” she deadpanned.

He laughed. “Yeah? Even with the facial hair?”

She nodded. “Especially with the facial hair.”

They were both smiling foolishly but every time he caught her eye, she’d look away and laugh. Even though she was sitting in front of him with perfectly applied make-up, he was glad to see that she hadn’t lost that adorable charm of hers. A lot of it was due to the fact that she seemed perfectly unaware of how attractive she was and back then, that only made him adore her even more.

After some more smiling and laughing, he asked after her parents.

She was sitting comfortably on the bench which her arm flung behind him. “They are great. Yours?”

“My mother is still in the States. She’s quite happy running her language school.”

“Cool. And your father?”

“He’s doing great.” Even though it had been a very long and slow process, since he’d returned to Seoul, they'd tried to mend their relationship. “What about your friends? How is Yun Ah doing?”

She rolled her eyes. “Why do you think I am here? I could go back to the office but I don’t want to go all the way over there and have to come back here. That girl can be so annoying sometimes,” she said, shaking her head in frustration.

“Sorry?” he asked, obviously confused. The whole office conversation was weirding him out. Hee Soo had an office? Was eight years really that long? “What did Yun Ah do?”

She sighed. “I’m supposed to meet her at a restaurant so that she can introduce me to her new boyfriend but she's late.”

“New boyfriend? What happened to her First Husband?”

“’First’ doesn’t mean ‘last’, right? Kyung Min turned out to be a jackass. Anyway, he’s doing his military service right now. And I guess she--”

The sound of her ringing phone interrupted her mid-sentence. She looked at her caller-id and smiled. “Speak of the devil,” she said, before flipping it open.

***

“Congratulations! I’m sure your video game will do well."

They were out of the mall and walking on the street.

“Yes. After a year of all that work, it’s great to finally find a distributor who believes in us.”

On their way out of the mall, he'd told her about the company he’d started with two of his friends. Earlier that day, they’d signed a contract with a company that was going to produce and distribute their first video game.

“Well, this is it,” Hee Soo said as she stopped in front of a building. Years earlier, she’d run through a million scenarios of what it’ll be like if she ever saw Ji Tae again but now that it was finally happening, it felt so surreal. She exhaled and smiled at him. “I guess I’ll see you sometime. I’m sure we’ll run into each other some other time.”

He nodded. “Definitely.”

“Okay then,” she said, reaching for the door handle.

“Wait!” Was he crazy? We’ll run into each other some time? Lady luck only rang your bell once. There was no way he was going to leave it to chance a second time. He took his phone out of his pocket. “Let’s exchange numbers.”

***

“Who was that?” Yun Ah asked as she approached them. She was sitting at the bar in such a way that she could still see the door.

“No one,” Hee Soo said, walking towards her. She knew that if she told her, it would be the sole conversation of the entire night. But this meeting wasn’t about her – it was about meeting her friend’s most recent conquest.

A tall man with soft blue eyes and a head of dark curly hair stood up to greet her. “Hi,” he said, grinning and revealing slightly crooked teeth. “I’m Philip Coles. It’s really nice to meet you.”

Hee Soo smiled. Yun Ah and her expats, she thought as she shook his hand. Her relationships with them rarely lasted for longer than a month so Hee Soo wondered why she even bothered.

Shortly after the bartender brought their drinks, they moved over to a table.

They were still perusing the menu when a shocked Yun Ah screamed.

“What?” Hee Soo and Philip yelled in unison.

“Look!” Yun Ah said, pointing behind her best friend.

Hee Soo turned around to see a smiling Ji Tae walking towards them. She reached for her stomach because it seemed like the old butterflies were back. What was he doing here?

“May I join you?” he asked and without waiting for a response, he pulled the fourth chair out and sat down.

Hee Soo looked at him inquisitively. “Your friends didn’t show?”

He shook his head. “No, they did. But I'll celebrate with them tomorrow.”

THE END

With One Foot In: Part 1

2009-12-31T00:59:00.000-05:00

Chapter 1

"Oppa," I whispered. I wanted to scream again, but I knew it would be futile after all, he was already at the other side of the metal detectors. Even though I didn't want to, I couldn't help but watch as his figure got smaller and smaller.

Oppa," I whimpered like a lost puppy. This wasn't some Hollywood movie where he'd turn around and fight through security so that he could hold me one more time. This wasn't a fantasy where he was going to suddenly decide that he couldn't live without me and forsake his mother. I knew that it wasn't a dream where he'd run back and beg my parents to let me go with him because at that moment, I looked down and saw my sister sobbing into my shirt. It was reality and in my reality, Park Ji Tae left me behind.

I wrapped my arms tighter around my sister. "Oppa," I whispered so softly that I could barely hear myself. Anyone looking at me would probably have thought I was a zombie because my eyes were transfixed on the spot I'd last seen him. The spot that would be forever etched into my memory.

"Hee Soo yah, let's go home," I heard my mother say. I looked up at her sweet face and it was only then that realized that the top of my chest was wet. Silly me. I hadn't even realized I was crying and I wondered how long the tears had been streaming from my eyes.

I nodded and smiled. "Okay, Umma." I disentangled from Mi Soo and followed her. I didn't want to wipe the tears from my face because I didn't really want to acknowledge them. I'd promised Ji Tae that I wasn't going to cry for him so in a way, wiping them off would make them real and I didn't want to break our promise. Because at that moment, that was the only thing of ours that I felt I could still hold on to.

***

"Unnie," my sister said as she barged into my room.

"Haven't you heard of knocking?" I said as I looked up from the magazine I was reading. The article was entitled: 10 Signs That Your Boyfriend Is A Loser and apparently, Ji Tae wasn't one but what else would explain the fact that he hadn't called me? Two days and no phone call. Surely that deserved to be number 1 on the list. "Mi Soo, what do you want?"

She rolled her eyes. "I think Mrs. Park is on the phone."

My ears perked up."What?"

"I think Mrs. Par--"

Without waiting for her to complete her sentence, I jumped off my bed and ran to the living room. My mother was sitting by the phone and smiling but the second she saw me, she smirked. You know, the kind of smirk that was filled with irritation. So naturally, I knew that my sister had guessed right. I stood and watched her.

"Yes, it's a good thing you have your family," my mother said into the phone. Then she laughed. "Yes, a mother is always a mother even when her daughter has kids." Then she looked up and frowned at me and I could tell that that frown had something to do with the 'daughter has kids' part of her sentence.

For the umpteenth time, I was about to reiterate that nothing happened on the night I'd spent with Ji Tae when she covered the mouthpiece with her hand and gestured for me to go to her.

"What?" I said as I moved closer.

"Why are you hovering?" she whispered.

Why do you think? "Is that Mrs. Park?"

She nodded. "And?"

I opened my mouth then shut it. Why did this woman love to torture me so? Even an unborn child could easily put two and two together and figure out why I was there. "Mom."

"Yes, I can imagine," she said into the phone before covering the mouthpiece again. "Look, Hee Soo, Ji Tae isn't with his mother so why don't you just go back to your room?"

Dejected, I bit my lip, hung my head and turned around. Why wasn't home? How come he was out there having fun without me? Was Philadelphia really that great?

A few minutes later, I was lying on my bed and feeling sorry for myself when I heard my door fling open.

I looked up to see my mother holding the phone out to me. "Take it," she said before turning around and walking out of my room.

I sat up and put the receiver to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hee Soo?"

I felt the tears well up in my eyes. "Oppa?

He chuckled. "Hey."

His voice sounded like hot caramel on vanilla ice cream. Or hot coffee on a wintry evening. Or a rain shower on a hot afternoon. Or… well, you get the point. I wiped a tear off my cheek. "Umma said you weren't home." I wanted to yell at him for not calling me for two days but I couldn't bring myself to. I was just so glad to hear his voice.

"Of course I'm home. We haven't slept since we got to my grandfather's house because we were waiting for you guys to wake up."

I laughed. "But it's already 11am!"

"We know. But we didn't want to wake you up too early."

I laughed harder. Like I'd been able to have a good night's sleep since he'd left. I'd already expected to spend the rest of my school break miserably but somehow, hearing his voice made me think that we could possibly make it work.

"Alright, Mr. Park Ji Tae, tell me everything that happened since you got on that plane."

"Everything?"

I laid back in my bed and pulled my covers over me. "Yes. Everything."

He sighed. "Well, this is going to be a boring story because we haven't really done anything."

"I don't care. Just tell me."

"Ahhhh. Okay, if you insist. So we got on the plane and sat down. Then--"

"You didn't put your luggage in the overhead compartment?" I interrupted.

He groaned. "You want that much detail?"

"Yes." I wanted to experience everything with him.

He sighed. "So I got on the plane and put my luggage in the overhead compartment then sat down…."

I giggled. The dummy was really going to tell me every single thing that happened. I readjusted my head on the pillow and listened to him speak. Maybe he was right. Maybe, just maybe, our story wasn't over.

With One Foot In: Chapters 2,3,4 and 5

2009-12-30T00:22:00.000-05:00

Chapter 2
"Are you really not coming?" my mother asked from my bedroom doorway.

I shook my head and looked down at my new toe pinching shoes. My grandfather's company was celebrating a record year and I'd actually been looking forward to attending the party because I was finally going to meet Han Bi's new girlfriend. With my new life at a new school, it was always great to see a familiar face.

My mother moved closer and tugged at my shirt. "Come on, let's go. You can talk to him tomorrow." She'd recently learned that yelling and screaming didn't do much to me these days so I guess she'd decided to be more understanding.

I shook my head. I'd already not talked to him for about four days and I really wanted to speak to him but the time difference was really pissing me off. Since he was trying to juggle college and his new job and I was at school half the time, it was really hard to talk to him because he was asleep when I was awake and vice versa. Why the fu.ck did he have to move to the other side of the world?

"Umma, go without me. I'll wait for his call."

My mother shook her head then sat next to me. "Hee Soo yah, I know how much you care about him but he's already moved to the US. Why can't you forget him? If we could, we would but we can't send you over to see him so you're probably never going to see him again."

I moped. I understood that perfectly. If I had to change schools so that they could afford the new baby, there was no way they could send me over there. Besides, I didn't want to move to some country where I'd have to live 14 hours in the past. So I knew that there was no way I was going to see him there. "Maybe he'll come back?"

My mother put her arm around me and pulled me to her. "He's not coming back. Do you know how expensive a ticket it?"

I couldn't pretend I didn't. Even if I started saving every penny I got my hands on, it would take me at least a few years to save over 3 million Won.

"So why don't you come with us? School can't be the only reason you leave the house and I really don't like seeing you mope around. Come out with us."

I shook my head. "In his email, he specifically said that I should wait for his call today. If I leave now, he might get mad that I didn't wait for him. Then when next will I hear from him?"

My mother sighed and got up. "I really shouldn't have let this happen," she said regrettably.

***

I jumped on the Westbound 'El' train and headed back to my apartment. Since we were trying to save money to move to our own place, it had been hard convincing my mother to let me live away from home. Luckily, my cousin had found someone looking for a roommate so the low rent and proximity to campus helped change her mind.

Even though it was quite a dump and for the first time in my life, I had to deal with living with mice, I did enjoy getting home and resting my head after a hard day of work. But lately, getting home hadn't been completely stress-free.

I did sometimes regret not breaking things off with Hee Soo when I was still in Seoul. Maybe things would have been different if I'd overcome my selfishness and not let things carry on even though I knew I'd be leaving. Or maybe I hadn't realized how much deeper our relationship had become with each passing day.

It certainly is a new day when you realize that the person you fell for and the one you're with aren't one and the same. I'd rarely seen a tear on her face for the few months we were together but now that we were apart, a week couldn't pass without hearing her choked up voice at the other end of the line. It wasn't that I wanted her to be aloof but not only did it make me feel helpless because I couldn't make her feel better, it also hurt to hear how much she was hurting. She always went on about how she was missing me and how much she hated her new school and even how her mother's pregnancy was changing things. Hearing that, I often wondered if she was clinging so hard to me because I was one of the few things she had left from her old life.

I was also getting tired of lying and telling her that everything would be fine because I knew it wouldn't. I couldn't foresee going back to Korea any time soon and she seemed determined to hold on to that fantasy. I often wondered what I'd honestly thought would happen with us once I left. Maybe I'd thought that things would fade and we'd just become friends. Had I really been that naïve?

Whenever she started crying and begging me to come back, I sometimes wanted to shake her and tell her to snap out of it. But how do you do that to someone who's hurting because they care so much about you?

About 30 minutes later, I logged on to my computer and clicked on the skype icon then dialed her number. I braced myself for what I was sure would ensue.

"Oppa?" she said the second she answered the call.

"Hi, Hee Soo. I'm sorry I'm calling late – my group meeting lasted longer than usual."

"You should have left early. Do you know how long I've been waiting for you? We won't even be able to talk for long because Umma will soon come into my room and scream at me. She's really pissed that I didn't go out with them."

"To?"

"Some company party. Forget about it. She was just angry that I didn't go because I was waiting for your call and when they got back, you still hadn't called. So she's mad because I could have gone and it wouldn't have made a difference. But don't worry – she'll soon get over it."

I groaned. Why did she always have to put everything on hold for me?

"So have you thought about what I said about letting your Dad buy your ticket so you can come over next summer?"

"Hee Soo, I thought we were done with this."

"But I don't get why you won't. So because your parents are broken up, he no longer has any responsibilities to you?"

"That's not the point."

"Then what is it? Why don't you want to come and see him? You don't love him anymore? Maybe you should listen to his side of the story. Maybe he's not really a monster," she said, talking at rapid pace.

I didn't want to mention it but my father was already paying my tuition. "I never said he was a monster."

"Then why don't you want to come and visit him?" When I didn't say anything she said, "Is it about me? You're trying to avoid me? That's why you don't want to come back to Seoul."

"We both know that's absurd." But the truth was, it wasn't. If I came back, things would only get worse because I'd have to leave again. And would seeing her again turn me into some clingy person too? Our relationship was already unhealthy enough as it was.

"Look, Oppa. Just come and visit during your holidays. It's not like you'll be doing anything over there. Just say you'll come, okay? I really need something good to look forward to."

I sighed. "I'll try, Hee Soo."

"Don't try. Do it."

"Okay, I'll see what I can do."

Since she didn't say anything, I knew that she didn't believe me. But could I blame her? I was lying through my teeth.

"Hee Soo, I have to get ready for work and I know that it's really late over there so I'll hang up now. I'll talk to you later."

As I hung up the phone I hoped that someday she'd realize that we couldn't have kept going on like that and any decisions I made, regardless of how cruel they might have seemed, were for both our sakes.

Chapter 3

8 years later

"So how about this weekend?" a voice asked from the other end of the line.

It was one of those things. I was certainly not getting any younger and even though I didn't really want to admit it, I sometimes fantasized about meeting the love of my life and spending an afternoon in my overalls painting our picket fences with him. Since high school, I'd had my share of relationships and obviously, none had ended well otherwise, I'd have been staring at a huge rock on my finger instead of the far too long hairs scattered near my knuckles.

"Hee Soo ssi, are you still there?"

I laughed. "Of course I am. Where would I go?"

"So answer me. Can you fit me in?"

Sang Woo was one of those far too perfect men that you just knew had at least one severe issue. When I'd first met him on the plane, I was certain that he was gay because straight guys never came out so good-looking. It was like God created them just to piss women off. Almost like rubbing a carrot through manure then dangling it in front of a hungry rabbit. How in the world was that fair?

"Hmm…." I said. He'd been a little persistent about hanging out with me so I figured he wasn't gay unless I had an Adam's apple I wasn't aware of. "Maybe Saturday? I'd have to look in my--"

"Come on," he interrupted jovially, "you don't have to look anywhere. Just say yes now and I'll come and pick you up around 8."

I laughed. Harmless flirting never killed anyone, right? So what was the harm? Besides, his name was Sang Woo. How freaking awesome was that? I was about to say something that I hoped was cute when I noticed someone staring at me. I looked up and found myself looking into a pair of eyes. And not just any eyes, those eyes.

WHAT THA FU.CK?

"Hey, something's come up so I'll call you back," I said right before I hung up the phone.

Unless I was dreaming or I was suddenly in need of contacts, I was staring right into the eyes of….

"Oppa?" I said as I moved closer to him. What the fu.ck was I saying? That wasn't him, was it? Did Park Ji Tae even have enough testosterone to grow a moustache? Okay, what the hell was I saying? Like my high school memories didn't prove to me that he did. But what was with the body? The Park Ji Tae I knew didn't look like Kwon Sang Woo under his shirt. And what the hell was wrong with me? Why was I suddenly reverting to my teen years and thinking about Kwon Sang Woo again?

But no, it couldn't be him, could it? "Park Ji Tae?" I said with trepidation.

I half expected the guy standing there in loose jeans and a t-shirt to look at me like I was crazy but I knew I was in trouble when he smiled at me and called my name.

Fu.ck.

***

"Look!" Yun Ah yelled, pointing behind me.

She looked like she'd seen a ghost and frankly speaking, since it was already nighttime, I really didn't want to go to bed with such an image in my head but I turned around anyway and lo and behold, there he was, smiling back at us. She was right – he was a ghost. A ghost from my part. It was oh-so-corny and 100% true.

So what was the deal? I hadn't seen him in 8 years but somehow he thought he could just waltz back into my life? Was that the new trend in America? He couldn't return my calls for almost 8 years but somehow he felt that he could meet me in a mall and suddenly we'll be cool again? He'd been in the country for over a year and he hadn't even bothered to look me up but after a chance meeting, he thought he could just come back to me? He smiled at me and I immediately put my hand on my belly to keep it from bursting. What the fu.ck was wrong with me?

He exchanged pleasantries with Yun Ah and her date then pulled a chair and sat down at our table. What was the bastard doing?

"Didn't your friends show?" I asked. During our chance meeting, he'd told me that he'd be meeting with his friends later on. And after we'd exchanged numbers and he'd left, I decided that it was just one of those things that meant nothing. It wasn't a big deal to meet someone from your childhood, even if he was your first love. First love, twelfth love, whatever. A guy was just a guy and it was no big deal, right? But why was he back? "I thought you were going to celebrate signing your contract," I accused.

He nodded and smiled. As in, looked at me piercingly and smiled.

Stop smiling at me, you fu.cker! I looked away from him. I was a mature career woman and mature career women didn't turn into mush because some ass.hole from their past batted their long-lashed eyes at them.

He glanced at Yun Ah then back at me. "They showed up but I rescheduled." He shrugged. "We can celebrate tomorrow. Tomorrow is a good a day as any, don't you think?" He reached across and picked up my menu. "What looks good?" he asked, skimming it.

Yun Ah gave me an inquisitive look and I explained about our chance meeting with him chipping in from time to time. When I was done with my explanation, she just looked at us and shook her head.

I placed my head on the table. What had possessed me to go to the mall?

Chapter 4

"Hey," Yun Ah said, pushing my door open. "What are you still doing up?" She stepped into my bedroom and shut the door behind her.

After my mother had begun to nag me about working too much and not having a boyfriend, I'd moved out of the house and into Yun Ah's spare bedroom. We'd been rooming together even before I went to Australia.

I shrugged. "I guess I can't sleep." And if I wanted to sleep, I'd have to clear away all the photographs that were strewn all over my bed.

She sat at the end of my bed and picked one of the photos up and smiled. I looked over to see which one it was. It was one I'd taken with Ji Tae at some restaurant shortly before he left for America. In it, I was laughing and pulling his cheeks while he rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out. I bet we'd thought we were being cute or something. How nauseating!

"You guys really looked good together," she commented. She looked up at me and sighed. "So what are you going to do now?"

"About what?" I asked, shrugging. I reached across and started picking the pictures up. "I don't even know why I held on to these for so long. I should have thrown them out a long time ago."

She put her hand on mine and held it in place. "Throwing them out isn't going to stop what's going on in your head."

I rolled my eyes. "Nothing's going on. I only remembered them because I saw him today. As you can see," I said pointing at the empty box, "I haven't touched it in a while. Can't you see how dusty it is?" I looked around my room. "I have so much junk. I need to start getting rid of stuff that's doing nothing but taking up space and I was just starting with these."

She hissed and from the expression on her face, I could tell that she didn't believe me. "I'm no expert but from the way he was looking at you at dinner, I think he really missed you. And he was acting so cute. I don't remember him talking so much."

Yes, he'd been nice but that didn't mean sh.it. When you run into someone you haven't seen in a long time, you're usually extremely friendly. "Look, he must have been bored or lonely or something. He was probably just trying to get away from his boring friends. And he doesn't miss me. He dumped me, remember? And I don't care, anyway. It was so long ago!"

She rolled her eyes. "He didn't dump you. He just stopped calling. Maybe he lost your number."

I scowled. "Bi.tch, please."

She laughed. "But seriously, I know it's been a long time but I think you still feel something for him otherwise you wouldn't be looking at these pictures."

"And where did you get your Ph.D, Dr. Know Nothing? They are just memories. They don't mean sh.it."

"They do mean a lot because you never got closure. Don't forget I was there when it all fell apart so I know how it affected you."

"Whatever."

She rubbed her hand on mine reassuringly. "I really think he might call you and if he does, don't be your usual self. Just talk to him and try to find out if you still have feelings for him. Then you can move on with your life."

I scoffed. "I've already moved on. And I don't feel anything for him – it's been such a long time. Wouldn't I be a complete loser to still think about him? And even if I did, it would be my 17 year old self thinking about his 18 year old self and not really me thinking about him. Besides, aren't you jumping the gun here? We just had dinner – it doesn't mean that he's interested in me."

***

"You may go in," the secretary said, leading me into the CEO's office. My firm had been hired to design a new state-of-the-art office building for one of the top companies in Seoul. I'd been assigned to a team of architects but shortly after the project commenced, our lead architect got scouted by one of your competitors and for some reason, I'd been appointed as the new head. It was both scary and exciting because I never really liked the direction we'd been taking the project but on the other hand, my career was now riding pretty heavily on what I did.

I walked into the office and shook the old man's hand. It was my very first one-on-one meeting with him and I was trying my best to shake the nerves off. He'd suddenly scheduled the meeting and because we were no longer going with my predecessor's ideas thus recreating the first drafts, I was a little nervous about showing them to him in the absence of the rest of our teams. We still had a week left on our deadline but because I was meeting with him, I'd spent the last two nights working on the rough schematics so that I could at least have something reasonable to present.

"Why don't you sit down, Miss Kim?" he requested.

"Thank you, sir. I hope all is well with you," I said as soon as I sat down.

He nodded and after the usual pleasantries, he said, "I called this meeting because I wanted you to know that I was the one that recommended that you lead this project."

I tried my best not to raise my brow and appear as straight faced as I could. Why would he do that?

"I spoke to some people at your Australian office," he continued, "and was told that you showed great promise. Also, some of my colleagues have been pleased with your contributions at the planning meetings."

"Thank you sir," I said. The corporate world was a funny one and I wondered if he was saying all this just to make sure I kissed his ass. If he was, I wished I could tell him not to bother because as the person with my career in his hands, I'd planned on kissing his ass anyway.

"I also had another reason for recommending you."

"I see." I braced myself and prayed that he wasn't going to compliment my looks. It's not that I would ever consider sleeping my way to the top but geriatrics were definitely out of the question.

"Do you know that I was close to your grandfather?" he said out of nowhere.

"Which one?" I blurted before realizing how unprofessional I sounded.

He smiled. "Both of them, actually. I played golf with your maternal grandfather and when he told me he was looking for a new supplier, I introduced him to your paternal grandfather who I'd attended university with." He leaned forward and in a conspiratory tone said, "This was when your grandfather's company was still expanding so I like to think I played an important role in the success of his company," he finished.

"Thank you, sir," was the only response I could come up with.

"I always regretted not getting involved when they fell out of terms with one another and my regret only deepened since their deaths. So if you don't mind, I'll like to make that up through you."

Through me? I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what he had in mind so I quickly said, "Thank you, but there's no need, sir. I am very excited about this project and any work I do will be up to my company's standards and reputation."

He nodded. "That goes without saying and I expect no less. But if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. In fact, I insist that you do. What I am saying is that I am here for you. "

***

I looked at the photos I'd taken from the yet to be demolished building on the site of the new building. Then I looked at the sketches I'd made. Something just didn't feel right. I was already chewing on my nails when my cell phone rang.

Everyone with half a brain knew not to call me on my cell phone during work hours so when it rang, I knew it had to be important. So without looking at the caller-id, I answered it. "Hello?"

"Hee Soo?"

I took my eraser and rubbed off one of the walls on the diagram. "Who is this?"

"It's Ji Tae."

I slowly tore my eyes off my sketch and sat up. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't expected a call from him. "Hi."

"Hello," was all he said.

Wow. After all that time, that was all we could say to each other? I listened to him breathe and waited for his next words.

"It's been a long time since we've spoken on the phone, hasn't it?"

Duh.

After some more silence he said, "You're not saying anything. I'm not sure that's what I expected."

"Expected? What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. Forget it."

"Dude, what the hell are you talking about?" We did a bit more of the whole silence thing and I was beginning to get frustrated. "Why did you call?"

"Hey, chill. I just wanted to catch up. We hadn't spoken for a while when we ran into one another. It only makes sense that we talk. So let's talk. How have you been?"

The conversation was obviously going nowhere. "Look, I don't have time for this. What's your email address? We can catch up that way. Tell me your email address and I can give you a summary of what I've been doing for the last 8 years." Then you can bake a cake and celebrate.

He burst out laughing. "You want to email me?" He laughed a bit more. "You actually want to email me? Wow, you really haven't changed."

I frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Let's meet up sometime. I don't have many friends here so it'll be great to see a familiar face. "

"You've been in town for over a year and you haven't made any friends?"

"I spent the entire time locked up in a room with two guys trying to get my company off the ground. So, yes."

And what about his old high school friends? Had he dropped them too? "I see," I said, looking at my watch. He really was taking up far too much of my time.

"So let's hang out and catch up. Maybe go out for a meal or something."

Why would I want to eat with him? "Sorry but that'll be impossible. I'm just so busy."

"I'm busy too but I'm sure we can squeeze out a few hours. There must be a reason we ran into each other, don't you think?"

Yes, the reason was that we were at the mall at the same time. What was so special about that?

"Maybe sometime during the weekend?" he suggested.

"Park Ji Tae, I work weekends too but I'm spending the few hours I have with this guy I'm seeing." Okay, so why did I feel the need to say that?

"You're seeing someone?"

His tone really pissed me off. Why did he say it like it was completely unexpected? There was no way I was that ugly. "Of course. Shouldn't I be?"

He chuckled. "Yes you should. But we should still catch up sometime."

"Sure." I gave him my email address. "It was great running into you. Write me when you're free."

***

I sat across Sang Woo and watched him eat his salmon. We were at a seafood restaurant and I was a little pissed that I'd ordered the Thai Bouillabaisse that sounded and looked so good on the menu but when I got it, I saw that it was just full of water and vegetables. What happened to the meat… or fish or whatever? Every spoonful made me feel like a goat. The restaurant was so damn lucky I wasn't going to be paying for my dinner otherwise they'd have had to take me out in handcuffs. What the fu.ck? Which kind of sea food restaurant was so stingy with the damn seafood?

"You don't like your food?" he said, looking at my barely touched dinner.

I shook my head. "Not really."

"And mine is so good. Why don't you order something else?"

I shrugged. "It's okay. I'm not that hungry anyway."

"Alright," he said before taking a sip of wine. "The food here is normally great. I'm surprised you don't like yours. Are you sure you don't want a taste of my salmon? The cilantro in the sauce really enhances the taste."

I nodded like I gave two farts about cilantro and salmon. One sign you were having a bad date was when your entire conversation surrounded the dinner you were having. Another was when your eyes kept darting at the door.

It wasn't that I was staring at the door because I wanted to leave. No. I mean, leaving wouldn't have been the worst option but that wasn't the main reason. It was that for some reason, I was expecting Ji Tae to walk through it.

Of course, it made no sense for him to show up at my restaurant but if we were characters in a soap opera, he definitely would have. It was just that I wanted him to walk in and after our eyes met from across the room, I'd smile lovingly at my date and he'd see that he had no right to think that he could just start calling me all willy-nilly eight years after dumping me.

But of course, he didn't and when the bill came and Sang Woo and I walked out of the restaurant, I was so upset at myself that I'd spent an entire date smiling at one man while thinking about another. What kind of woman was I?

Chapter 5

"Miss Kim speaking," I answered into my office phone.

"Hey, Hee Soo ssi," Michelle our receptionist said. "You have a visitor."

I was in the process of looking over my team's work and I really didn't want anything disrupting my flow. It was hard enough as it was ignoring my rumbling stomach just so I could keep at it.

"Who is it?" Because of the magnitude of the project, most of my usual client work was being taken care off by some of my colleagues.

"He didn't want to say. He says it's a surprise."

"Surprise?" What da…? "Michelle ssi, you know better." It would have been a different thing if we were working at a haunted house because even getting fired never came as a surprise at my firm.

"Yeah, I do. But I think it's personal," she said, lowering her voice. "He's kinda cute. He's not wearing a suit so I doubt he's a client and he's got two huge bags I suspect are filled with food." She paused. "So should I send him in?"

I thought about it. I'd only spoken to Sang Woo once since our last date so I doubted he'd try to surprise me or anything. So unless my father suddenly got bored at work, I knew it could only be one person and I really wasn't in the mood to see Park Ji Tae.

"Tell him I'm not in."

She laughed. "He can already see me talking to you."

I looked at my watch – it was shortly after noon. Wasn't it a little early for bullsh.it? Why were people always trying to drive me to drink in the afternoons? "Okay, put him on the phone."

"I already suggested that but he refused."

I groaned. "I don't have time for this. Tell him that I'm really busy so if he doesn't tell you who he is, I can't make time for him."

"Okay," she said before putting me on hold. A few seconds later, she was back on the line. "He says his name is Yong Ki Won."

Huh? "Are you sure?" Ki Won's work dress code was business-casual so it could have been him but I wasn't quite convinced. "Describe him."

"Tall, cute, holding food."

I rolled my eyes. "How about something a bit more specific?"

"Like what?"

"Like does he have any facial hair?"

She was quiet for a few moments. "Hmm… not that I can see."

I chuckled. Ki Won was such an idiot. It had been a while since I'd seen that bugger but it wasn't the first time he'd dropped in unexpectedly on me. He worked at the other side of town but sometimes, when he was at my end, he dropped in to say hello.

"He's probably forgotten how to get to my office. Give him directions and send him in. Thanks, girl."

***

"Come in," I said, after hearing the knock at the door. I swiveled my chair around and faced the door.

"Hi," Ji Tae said, walking into my office.

The minute my eyes fell on his face, my smile faded. Instead of looking at the still handsome former Kingka, I was looking at him. "What the hell?"

"Nice to see you too," he said dryly.

"Wow, you must really think you're a comedian or something. Your name is Yong Ki Won?"

He laughed. "I thought it was a brilliant idea."

I shook my head in disgust. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

He patted his face, searching for the problem. "What's wrong with it?"

I ran my finger over my top lip. "What happened there?"

He smiled. "You noticed?" he asked, tapping his non-existent moustache.

I rolled my eyes. How wouldn't I notice a missing line from his face? He looked more like his old self which didn't sit quite well with me. "Grow it back."

He narrowed his eyes. "Huh?"

"What do you want?"

He shrugged. "Nothing," he said, walking over to my desk which was across from my worktable where I was sitting. "I was hungry and thought that you might be too so I brought lunch," he said, placing the bags on the table.

"I'm really busy."

He looked at me and nodded. "I figured. But you still need to eat."

I folded my arms across my chest. "You really should have called first."

"I thought about that but I didn't think you'd take it. Plus I already did as you requested and emailed you but you never replied except for that one forward I received about some monkey virus that had recently been detected in humans."

I hid a smile.

He tilted his head and looked at me pointedly. "I'm still trying to figure out why you sent that one."

"It's not a big deal – I sent it to everyone on my email list. I just thought it was an interesting story."

"I really don't believe that. Anyway, let's eat," he said, taking the containers of food out of the bags. "So I have noodles in here, and I also got some barbequed beef…." Then he proceeded to mention practically every single thing I liked to eat. He ended with an amused look on his face.

I glared at him in disgust. "You really are a bastard," I said, looking at the spread.

He chuckled. "So does that mean you'll eat something?"

I looked at all that food and tried my best not to lick my lips. So I could either give in and eat to my heart's content and let him win or not touch the food just like I wouldn't have if he hadn't managed to scam his way into my office. I decided that my dignity was worth more than a bowl of noodles.

I wiped all emotion off my face. "Ji Tae, I'm really not that hungry."

He laughed. "Okay. Since I've already brought everything out, would you mind if I ate here?"

I shrugged. "Do whatever you like," I said, turning back to my work. It would have been nice to say that I immediately got back to work but it's not easy to concentrate when a bastard is sitting not too far away, munching away like a Neanderthal.

***

Even though I was no longer living at home and Mi Soo was living in the dorms, we were required to make biweekly visits home. This quality time usually began with us sitting at the table for lunch and ended with us in the living room watching crap. The one great thing I loved about it was that I got to spend time with my little brother, Jin Soo. Because I was pretty much an adult by the time he was born, we'd never really grown up together. So I took the visits home and the occasional babysitting assignments as a way of bonding with him.

We were all sitting in the living room watching a really asinine game show and not for the first time in the last few years, I wondered what the hell I'd seen in Xman. Or had the show just gone down the drain? I was ignoring the television and sitting with Jin Soo and looking over his homework when I decided to just tell everyone that Ji Tae was back in town.

"I see," was all my father said.

I looked at my mother but just as I expected, she didn't really react. For a while, she was actually angrier at Ji Tae than I was. I guess she just didn't like to see me in pain.

Mi Soo watched my parents for a few seconds then turned to me. "Oppa is back?" she asked, frowning. "How come he didn't call me?

"Why are you asking me?" What kind of stupid question was that? "He didn't call me either. But you're now old enough to date him so why don't you look him up in the phonebook and call him up?"

She laughed. "Someone's getting testy," she teased. "What's with the anger? Don't worry, I won't call him up. It's not like I was really ever your competition."

I opened my mouth then shut it right back. What a bit.ch. It was too bad that she was now a grown woman so if I punched her in the face, there was a good chance that she'd punch me right back. I snarled at her. "You know what? Just shut up."

"I hope that his return doesn't change anything," my mother suddenly said.

"Change what?" I asked.

"Do you remember how you stopped eating? You lost so much weight," Mi Soo decided to volunteer. "You know what?" she said, looking me over, "you could stand to lose a few pounds. So maybe--"

"Shut up!" I yelled. How could someone be so evil? Plus I hadn't even gained a pound in the last few years. "Gosh, I hate you."

She laughed. "I hate you so much right now! AHHHH!" she sang. It was a line from a Kelis song.

I laughed. What a stupid child.

"Hee Soo yah," my mother started, "I'm just saying that you know how that boy affected you before. I don't want you to go through that again. Just stay away from him."

"Jeez, Umma. Don't start imagining things. Did I say anything about being with him? I just said he's back in town. Why is your wife always jumping into conclusions?" I asked my father jovially.

"See this child," my mother said, getting up from the couch and slapping me on my head.

"Ouch," I said, ducking from her next blow. "I'm going to call child services on you."

"Umma, don't beat Noona," my lovely Jin Soo said, jumping between us to protect me.

"Did you hear that, Umma?" I said, hugging him. "Don't hit Noona!"

She laughed then sat down in an exaggerated huff. "Because you're now making money, you think you can talk to me anyhow? Honey," she said, turning to my father, "you see what you caused? Because you let her move out, she's lost her home training. We should make you come back and learn how to respect your elders. Instead of trying to find a husband, you are talking back to me. Speaking of which, one of my clients was telling me about her son who's just opened his own medical practice. I saw his picture and he's really good looking. I told her that you'll meet him. When are you free?"

I groaned. Not again.

Chapter 6

2009-12-29T00:49:00.000-05:00

"Looking for me?" asked a voice I'd once forgotten.

I glanced over at Ji Tae then back at the huge padlock that was in my hand. "Were you supposed be in here?" I asked, pulling the key out and showing the padlock to him.

He looked like he was searching for some kind of comeback but couldn't so he stayed silent.

I almost laughed. Actually, I did laugh. I just hid my face and made sure the sound wasn't quite audible.

I was at the site of the proposed building to take a few more photographs. I unlocked the padlock, put it in my bag and when I started to unwrap the chains holding the gate shut, Ji Tae bent over and helped me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. It had been two days since I'd last seen him and against my better judgment, I'd been keeping one eye open expecting for him to turn up somewhere. The thing about hoping not to see someone is that you were always on the look out of them and that of course meant that they were constantly on your mind. And the more I tried to tell myself to get him out of my mind, the more I remembered him and thus the vicious cycle continued. So seeing him there, crouched over the gate and pulling the long chain out brought both relief and anger, neither of which I wanted to feel about him.

When we were done, he stood up, turned around and pointed at a building behind us. "I live over there."

I looked at it but didn't say anything.

"So what are you doing here?" It was his turn to inquire.

"Work." I kicked the chain out of my way and pulled the gate handle. I hoped that my obvious lack of interest in having a conversation with him would make him leave but he kept standing there. Still ignoring him, I opened the gate and stepped into what used to be the parking lot. When I turned around to shut the gate behind me, he quickly stepped in and stood next to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, sending him daggers with my eyes. Why couldn't he just disappear?

He must have missed the message because instead of turning around, he furrowed his brows and said, "Is it safe for you to be in here alone?"

"Am I not safest alone? Or do you expect me to hurt myself?"

He frowned. "I mean that you don't know who might be in an abandoned building."

"It's empty but not abandoned." I hit the light switch. "The lights won't be working if it were abandoned." I tapped my foot impatiently. "I need to lock the gate."

"So?"

"So could you leave?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm not leaving you alone here," he said firmly. "There's no way it could be safe for you to be here on your own. What kind of company do you work for? Shouldn't you work in teams? Even if it's not a person, what if something falls or… " He started going on and on about workplace hazards.

What the fcuk? He sounded like he'd swallowed twelve Public Service Announcement ads. Ignoring him, I locked the gate then walked towards the elevators.

He jogged to catch up with me. "Since the building is empty, why do you still have electricity and keep it locked?"

I hit the elevator button and it opened immediately. "If we turn the lights off and all that good stuff, we would get squatters and when it's time to demolish it, some human rights organization would get involved and complain about us displacing people from their homes and it'll become much messier than it needs to be. So it's best to just spend the extra money for electricity and security so that we don't have to deal with that."

"Cool," was all he said.

I couldn't blame him. I'd even bored myself with my little speech.

***

I was taking photos from the second floor when he said, "With you working so close to my office, we must have walked past each other a thousand times." When I didn't say anything, he continued, "I think it's cool, though. When this building is finished, I can look out of my window and say that I know the person who designed it."

"I doubt it," I said from behind my camera.

"Why?"

"Because from what I heard, the owner of your building is trying to sell it and it'll probably get demolished. They are really trying to revitalize the area so this place is going to look very different in a few years." I pointed out of the window. "As you can see, they've already started construction on two buildings here."

He nodded. "Yeah, the noise can really be annoying but the rent is cheap."

I nodded. I was mildly curious about the sales of his first game but I didn't want him to know that I even remembered it. Or that I cared. Not that I did care or anything. I moved around the room and took a few more photographs when he inquired about what I was doing.

I explained the importance of natural light and its effect on work productivity. "My first office was designed so badly so I had to keep my blinds drawn because the glare made it impossible to see anything on my computer screen. And if I'd chosen to turn my desk around so that I'd be facing the light, it would mean that my back would be to the door which is hardly ideal. I bet some monkeys designed that place."

He smiled. "You seem passionate about your work."

I shrugged. "It's work."

"But what made you pick architecture?"

I put my camera down. "I don't know. I knew I didn't want anything to do with too many words so I tried Technical Drawing. I did well in that class and that led me to another and here we are."

He chuckled. "And there I was thinking that my love for Graphic Design had somehow rubbed off on you."

A few minutes later, when he saw me struggling with my both my legal pad and camera, he offered to help. And since he was standing there doing nothing, I allowed him to be useful. I gave him the pad and told him to note down the room coordinates as I took photos so that I could keep track of them.

We were on the fifth floor when I asked him to hand me the writing pad so I could see where I was. I took one look at it and laughed. I'd actually forgotten how bad his handwriting got sometimes. "What the fcuk is this? I can barely read this!"

He took it from me. "It looks fine." He grinned and nodded. "Yep, makes sense to me."

I hit him. "What difference does that make? I'm the one who has to read it. It has to make sense to me."

He laughed. "Okay, I'll rewrite the ones that are a bit difficult to read."

"No. Rewrite everything in block letters, numbers whatever. Write like you're typing. I can't believe you messed this up!"

I took another look at his gibberish and laughed even harder. Dang, his handwriting was worse than Jin Soo's! I was about to mention that little tidbit when I realized that I was actually about to tease him. As in laugh and tease him like I used to. What the bloody blazes? I wiped all the humor off my face and cleared my throat. "You know what?" I said, reaching for my writing pad. "Don't worry about it – I'm sure I'll figure it out on my own."

He held on to it and started to crack a joke till he took one look at my face. "I'll fix it first then give it back to you."

I stretched my hand out. "Don't worry about it. Just give it to me."

"No. I know it's important to you so let me fix it."

I shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Instead of fixing the mess he'd made, he stood there and stared at me like he used to.

Dang. Memories suck.

I spun around and hoped that he hadn't noticed my cheeks redden.

***

"Who are you seeing?" Yun Ah asked, walking into the kitchen.

"What?" I looked up from my bowl of cereal. Since it was pretty late in the evening, cereal was the only thing I could have so close to my bedtime otherwise I'd spend the next three hours rolling around in bed pissed off that I couldn't sleep.

"Who are you seeing?" she repeated.

I blinked a couple of times then squinted. "I believe I am seeing you right now. Am I supposed to be seeing someone else? You're not some kind of shape-shifter are you?" I joked.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm serious. Your friend, Park Ji Tae, wanted to know."

Hearing that wiped the smile off my face. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

She looked upwards and nodded her head like she was trying to remember. "He called me a few hours ago and asked me who you were seeing and how serious it was."

"Is this a joke?" I silently prayed that it was.

She raised three fingers up. "Scout's honor."

Why couldn't this guy just leave me alone? "What did you say?"

"Well…," she said, sitting next to me. "I was kinda put on the spot."

Her expression spelled trouble.

I put my hand on my chest to prepare myself for the inevitable. "What did you say?"

"I said that I didn't know if you were seeing anyone."

I hit the table in anger. "What the fcuk, Yun Ah? How can't you know? We're roommates so you're supposed to know."

She put her hands up in mock surrender. "Sorry, you should have warned me. If I knew you were supposedly seeing someone, I'd have known what to say."

What the hell? I put a spoonful of cereal in my mouth but the stupid thing was already soggy. I threw the spoon back in the bowl in frustration.

Instinctively, Yun Ah grabbed my bowl to protect it. "Don't break it. Do you know how much it cost?" She waited for a response but when she didn't get any, she continued. "And what's the big deal? If he's asking about you, then he wants to go out with you. Just go out with him. It's really not a big deal. You guys were happy once." She spat the words out all at once like she'd prepared it beforehand.

"You and Kyung Min were happy once," I retorted. "Why don't you go back to him?"

"Wow, you're so funny," she said sarcastically. Kyung Min had cheated on her and after the third time, she finally decided to get rid of him.

"But on that note," she said, "what would you think if I invited Kang Han Bi as my date to Ki Won's party?"

I arched my brow and sat up in my chair. "What?"

"You know Eun Hye is one of my kids…," she started.

Since Yun Ah still hadn't given up on acting, she'd picking teaching as her interim career because it allowed her time to work in local theatre. Even with all the vacation days that came with it, I'd been a little surprised that she'd chosen to teach elementary school since she'd never seemed particularly fond of kids. But she'd been at her school for over two years so it was either she'd grown to love them or perfected pretending to.

"… so," she continued, "we've been hanging out a bit and well, I think he's pretty cool."

I tried to think back to the few times I'd seen them together to try to remember if I'd ever noticed any sparks. Was I really that blind or was it something new? But then again, the visits he made to our place were usually short because he was only dropping Eun Hye with me on the days I was babysitting Jin Soo. Since his wife had died two years earlier, I tried to help out whenever I could.

"So what do you think?"

I shook my head in mild disgust. "What about Paul?"

"Who is Paul?"

"Your boyfriend. You know, the last guy you introduced me to." The reason I'd run into Ji Tae again. "Ring any bells?"

"Oh, you mean Phillip," she said, playing with her fingernails. "That's all past tense."

I sighed. It still wasn't right. "Isn't it unethical to date your student's father?"

She eyed me. "So does this mean you don't approve?"

"No. Just be careful with Han Bi Oppa. You know his situation so he's not one of those guys you can just play around with."

Her face became a mask of innocence. "Whatever do you mean?" She batted her non-existent eyelashes for effect.

"I'm dead serious, Yun Ah. If you mess things up and I have to choose sides, I'll pick his," I warned.

"Okay, Umma. Oh, and by the way, I invited Ji Tae to the party."

Chapter 7

2009-12-28T00:12:00.000-05:00

"Guess who just walked in?" Yun Ah whispered to me.

I looked around and of course, there Ji Tae was. He was looking around the room and it was obvious that he was hoping to see a familiar face. I turned around to frown at Yun Ah but she'd already turned away and was saying something to Han Bi who was standing at the other side of her. I rolled my eyes and wondered why she'd bothered to invite Ji Tae to a party filled with people he barely knew if she wasn't going to play hostess.

I dropped the plate I was holding and walked towards him. If he had no one to talk to, I figured that I might as well speak to him and tell him what was on my mind. I saw his eyes widen slightly on seeing me which made sense because judging from our last few encounters, the last thing he'd expected to see was me walking to him.

I waved as I approached him just so that he could be sure that he was in fact my target.

"Hi," he said when I stopped by his side. "It looks like a nice party." He smiled. "I think I actually recognize some of these people. I didn't think I'd see so many people from high school."

"Well, you were right – most of these people didn't attend our school."

He looked around the room again. "Really?"

"Yes. You probably recognize them from television."

"I'm sorry?" He was completely confused.

I chuckled. "Ha Jin, Ki Won's girlfriend is an actress. She's usually on game shows and has bit parts in dramas but she just landed her first big role playing the conniving ex-girlfriend on a drama."

"Oh. That's interesting. So what--"

"Why are you asking people about me?" I asked, cutting to the chase. I hadn't exactly walked across the room to have small talk.

"What?"

I sighed. "I am talking about Yun Ah. Why did you ask her about me?"

He made a face. "Oh, she told you, huh?"

"What did you expect?" I glared at him and waited for his answer. After a few seconds, I averted my eyes. Why did I still find this guy, this person who'd dumped me so mercilessly ages ago, attractive? What was wrong with me? I pinched myself to remember what pain felt like. "Loo—"

He inched closer to me. "Look Hee Soo, we need to talk," he whispered. His expression was both soft and serious.

I was about to tell him that we had nothing to talk about when I was interrupted by the sound of clinking glasses. Both of us turned towards the stage.

"Hello everyone and thanks for coming to celebrate our three year anniversary with us!" Ki Won announced.

The room erupted with applause.

"But we have a secret," he said, smiling at his girlfriend. She smiled back at him and nodded. "Honey, do you want to tell them what it is?" he asked her.

"We are getting married!" she screamed.

There were a few gasps in the room although it really didn't come as a surprise because everyone who knew them expected them to end up walking down the aisle.

"So everyone, raise your glasses and congratulate us!" Ki Won yelled.

I walked away from Ji Tae just as the room was once again filled with applause and cheers.

***

I went up to Ki Won and spread my arms apart. "Congratulations!"

He moved closer to me and hugged me. If the girls at school could see him now, they'd probably faint because being in love seemed to do wonders for his looks. I stood back and glared at him.

He laughed. "What's that look for?"

"I'm happy that you're getting married but couldn't you think of me first?"

"Huh?"

"How can you be getting married before me? That's just not right," I joked.

He doubled over in laughter then called Ha Jin.

"What?" she asked, after excusing herself from the person she'd been speaking to. "What's wrong with him?" she asked me.

"All I did was ask your fiancé why he was getting married before me. Is it fair to make me feel so old?"

She was still giggling when I hugged her and congratulated her as well. By the time we were done, Ki Won had regained his sanity. He pulled his girlfriend and slung his arm around her shoulders. "Well, since I've found the person I want to be with, there's no need to wait," he said before planting a kiss on her cheek.

Couldn't they just get a room?

***

I was dancing with Eun Hye when Han Bi came to get her. "You've been monopolizing my daughter for too long," he said, taking her hand.

I frowned. "Aren't you ashamed of yourself? How could you bring her here? She's the only person under 20 in here."

"As I told you, I couldn't get a babysitter and my parents already had plans."

"Well, I haven't finished dancing with her," I said, swinging her arms to the music. "You still want to dance with Aunty, right?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "No. I want to go with Appa."

I frowned. Children of nowadays were so ungrateful. I let go of her and wondered what the next step would be.

The thing about getting past a certain age was that everyone just seemed to be coupled up. In high school and even college, you could easily go to a party and hang out with your single friends. But after a certain age, if you were single, you either found yourself hanging out with people in serious relationships or at the singles' corner with desperate guys who were looking for someone easy to take home.

I scanned the hall for a corner I could go to. Even though Ki Won and I were still friends, we weren't as close as we once were so I didn't know a lot of people at the party. Yun Ah was occupied with Han Bi and Eun Hye and just as I'd resigned myself to sitting at a singles' table, I heard someone call my name.

I turned around to see a face that was barely familiar. Since he knew my name, I smiled brightly at him, hoping I didn't look like I was racking my brain to remember him.

"Will you like to dance?" he asked.

So I had two choices: dancing with a vaguely familiar cute guy or sitting at a table filled with strange, single horny guys. The choice was obviously clear so I nodded.

We'd been dancing for a few minutes when he said, "I'm sorry Hee Soo, I have to leave now. My girlfriend is giving me the signal so I think it's time for us to go home," he said, looking behind me.

He stepped aside and of course as these things happen, Ji Tae was standing there.

I groaned.

"Dance?" he asked.

Did I want to dance with him? I decided not to think too much about it and just dance. After all, the vaguely familiar guy had already gotten me in the mood. Besides, it was a fast song so I didn't even have to face him and dance. I could just dance any which way I wanted but still not look like I was dancing by myself.

We'd danced in silence for two up-tempo songs when the DJ decided it was time for a slow song. I took that as my cue to get off the dance floor but Ji Tae grabbed my hand.

I looked at him. What to do? Walk away like some scared teenager or just dance with him like he wasn't important? What was the big deal? I'd danced with numerous guys I didn't know and regardless of if the song had been slow or fast, it hadn't meant anything. So why not?

Once he saw me nod, he pulled my body to his. I wrapped my arms around his neck and of course, it fit. Our teenage bodies fit together and apparently, so did our adult ones. I didn't know which was more upsetting - the fact that holding him so close felt so natural or that I'd noticed it.

It had been the closest I'd been to him in 8 years and apparently, he still smelled the same. Well, the same but different. His cologne was different but the essence was the same. I was glad that I wasn't wearing a backless dress because otherwise, I'd have felt his fingers on my skin and I wondered if it would have felt the same. I shook my head in self-disgust. I wanted to just end the dance so I'd stop my journey down memory lane but I didn't want to seem affected by something as pathetic as a dance. It was merely a dance for chrissakes! So why were all these thoughts running through my head?

About two minutes into it, he whispered something in my ear.

I frowned. Not because I even heard what he'd said but because of what he'd done. What was it with men and whispering random things in your ear? Who actually came up with the whole "whispering sweet nothings" bullshit? And why did some guys just run with it like it was the only thing they could do?

There was nothing more annoying than a man constantly saying, "damn, you're so hot," "wow, you're so beautiful," "you're amazing," and all that sh.it during sex. A few words here and there just so that you could be sure they still remembered your name were fine but an entire monologue? Like seriously! There I am, trying my best to find some enjoyment in this act and there you are yapping away like a preacher. If more men shut their traps during sex...

I don't know if it was because I was thinking about sex, but when I looked up at Ji Tae and he smiled at me, something went off in me. There was something about the look in his eyes and both the familiarity and newness about his lips and I don't know what compelled me but nonetheless, I leaned into him and kissed him.

He must have been in shock because he didn't move his lips at first, but when I looked directly into his eyes, asking him to kiss me back, he held me closer and did as I'd directed. It wasn't a kiss of passion like lovers who hadn't seen each other for years. It was more of a tentative kiss, with him holding back a bit and me kissing him out of god-knows-what. It was quite different from most of our previous kisses and it seemed like neither of us wanted to use our tongues but it was nice. Nice in a high school kind of way. We stopped when the kiss reached its natural end and shortly after, the music stopped.

I don't know what answer I'd been looking for when I kissed him and if I'd even gotten it but the time had come for our dance to end.
I unwrapped myself from him and stepped back and smiled. "Thanks for the dance, Ji Tae," I said before turning around and walking away.

Chapter 8

2009-12-27T00:13:00.000-05:00

Even though it was only a little after 2pm, I was exhausted. I'd just returned to the office from a battle at SGH Industries, the company I was working with. It had ended up being quite productive, at least from my perspective, because Mr. Oh, the CEO, had sided with me on a lot of issues. It was nice that he was trying to work through his personal issues by helping me out but if he got any more obvious, I was sure that there'd soon be rumors about us.

"Nice flowers," I said, walking over to Michelle at the receptionist desk. There was a bouquet of lilies sitting on her desk begging to be sniffed. So I obliged them.

"I'm glad you like them because they're yours," she said without looking up from the computer.

"Sorry?"

"They are yours."

I picked the card up and read it.

For Kim Hee Soo. Let's Talk.
-JT

I read those six words a few more times over then put the card back on the bouquet. I knew that they'd be repercussions from my actions from the previous night but flowers? I hadn't quite expected that.

"Are they from Yong Ki Won?"

I hissed and shook my head. "That's not even his name."

She laughed. "I figured it wasn't especially when he was like, "So what name should I use?""

"Michelle!" I really couldn't believe her. "And you still let him in?"

She shrugged. "Hey, it's not like a lot of amusing things happen here. So I enjoy them when I can."

I tsked. "Anyway, I'll see you," I said as I walked away.

"Don't forget your flowers," she called.

"I don't want them. You can have them if you want."

***

I knew I couldn't waste any time so I dialed Ji Tae's number the second I got into my office. "I got your flowers," I said the second he picked up.

"Cool. Did you like them?"

I didn't have an answer. I knew I couldn't exactly act pissy and yell at him for sending them to me after all, I was entirely to blame for him getting the wrong idea. I'd actually succeeded in not thinking about it but now that he'd decided to do this, I knew I had to face it head on. "Ji Tae, you said that you wanted to talk."

He didn't answer immediately. "Yes. Can we talk?"

"I think we need to. Can we meet today?"

"Today?" He hesitated for a moment. "We can definitely meet. When will be best?"

I glanced at my watch. "How about 7? Can you come to my office? Let's go for some drinks."

***
We'd gone to a nearby bar and had been sitting at a table for a few minutes with barely any conversation when he put his drink down and turned to me. "Okay, it's cards on the table time," he said. He tried to appear calm and confident but I could tell that he was nervous.

I took a sip of my Amaretto Sour then swiveled the ice around my glass. "Go ahead."

"Well, I guess I just need to know what's going on in your head because I'm not quite sure," he said, moving his hands around for emphasis. "I know we haven't been together for a while but I still have feelings for you and I think you still have feelings for me." He paused and waited for a reaction but when he didn't get any, he continued. "So what I think is that we should try again." He placed his palms face down on the table and waited for a response.

I took another sip of my drink then dropped my glass on the table. "Is that all you wanted to say?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Okay, well, I've had an interesting last couple of weeks but I'm really not interested in us... or you." I looked directly in his eyes and repeated the words in my mind and nodded. It did feel alright saying those words. My life made so much more sense before I ran into him and I was not ready to risk being hurt again even if I did sometimes feel like I missed him. Just like he'd returned to my life, he'd leave again and I'd go back to not remembering our times together and I'd finally be able to let go of my high school memories. Yes, it was the right thing to say.

I got up from my chair and smiled down at him. "So take care of yourself, Ji Tae. And I really mean that." Without waiting for a response, I turned around and walked out of the restaurant.

It was only when I was approaching my car and about to reach in for my keys that I realized that I'd left my purse at the restaurant.

ARGH!

A random guy walking towards his car gave me a weird look but I didn't care. Did I want to immediately go back to the restaurant and risk running into Ji Tae thus ruining my grand exit or did I want to wait a little and risk having my purse stolen by an opportunistic patron? I was still debating this when I heard Ji Tae call my name. I turned around to face him.

"The waitress called me back because you'd left your purse. Here it is," he said, handing it to me.

I thanked him then turned around and started walking towards my car.

"Hee Soo yah, hey, wait and hear me out."

I picked up my pace and kept walking till I reached my car. I'd already opened the door when he caught up with me and jerked me around. "Hee Soo."

I leaned against my car and folded my arms. "We've already said what we wanted to say. What more is there to say?"

"Look, I know you're mad about how things ended but I really regret that."

"Whatever," I said, shaking my head. "It's all water under the bridge." I was about to turn around when I decided to just ask him something I'd been curious about over the years. "Ji Tae, before you left for America, I wanted to break up with you and you refused. Did you just do that so that you could break things off first?"

"What?" he asked incredulously. "Of course not! How could you think that?" He walked a few feet away from me, put his palm on his forehead in frustration and started pacing around. Then he suddenly stopped and turned to me. "When I left, I honestly thought that we could make it work even though you kept saying we couldn't. But I really wanted to try. But then it got so hard. You were always upset and I felt so helpless that I couldn't do anything about it to make you feel better."

I shook my head and looked away. He sounded sincere but I really didn't give a fu.ck.

"And yes, I was wrong. I should have called you and told you everything straight up but I was afraid of your reaction because I knew that you'd be hurt and since I wouldn't want you to be hurt, I'd change my mind and not end things. But our relationship couldn't keep going the way it was. You have to have seen that, Hee Soo."

I kept shaking my head at the crap he was spewing. Yes, it was because he cared so much about me. Whatever.

"Ending it was the best thing for us at the time. It had to end because we were both so miserable."

"But in the end, I was the only one miserable. So you only cared about yourself. Stop trying to make it sound like you made some huge sacrifice for me."

His mouth hung open like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He quickly walked over to me till he was standing directly in front of me. "Do you honestly think it was easy for me? It wasn't but I knew it had to end and I didn't want to change my mind after hearing your reaction."

I smirked. "Whatever, Ji Tae. You could have sent me an email or letter. Heck a freaking telegram would have been better. 'Hee Soo. Full Stop. It's Over. Full Stop.'" I paused to catch my breath. "Don't you understand that anything would have been better than not knowing? Do you know how long I wondered if something had happened to you? I made Umma call your mother just to make sure you were okay and will you believe what your mother said?"

"What?"

"'Oh, he's doing well. He just called me about an hour ago.' Do you know how that made me feel? I think that was really when I started to give up on you. It took me a while but that was the turning point."

"Then what was the kiss about?" he snarled. "It's over and you've given up but you kiss me? What the fu.ck was that about?"

I almost laughed when I heard the curse word. Ji Tae was cursing at me? But I was a little glad that he'd started to get angry because at least that meant that he could feel a little of what I felt.

"Hee Soo, why did you kiss me?" he asked, looking directly in my eyes like he'd suddenly turned on a lie detector.

"I don't know." I stepped away from him and put my hands up in surrender. I was tired of thinking about us. I was tired of the damn conversation. I was just tried. "Think of it as a goodbye kiss."

"Really? Why do you keep lying to yourself? It wasn't a goodbye kiss. But I'm sick of this. If this is how you want it," he said, turning around, "that's how it will be."

"Oh, and by the way, how's Sandra?"

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. "Sandra?"

"Yeah." I threw my purse in my car, shut the door then smirked at him. "You know how you have those birthday reminders on your email? So for some reason, I never deleted your birthday and you know what," I said, laughing without much humor, "I still haven't deleted it. Funny how some things are."

Since there really wasn't a joke to laugh about, he didn't.

"So anyway, I think maybe like 6 or so years ago, a day before your birthday, the reminder popped up. I mean, I obviously wasn't going to try to contact you or anything but I guess I was curious about what you were doing with your life. Or bored, I don't know. So I went online and googled you. At first nothing really came up till I decided to search for David Park then pop! Pop! Pop!"

I looked up at him but the only emotion on his face was curiosity so I continued. "There were a whole bunch of pointless links but I finally clicked on the University of Pennsylvania's Korean Students Association page. I scrolled down the page till I found you smiling at me with your arm slung around this smiling girl in a black spaghetti-strapped gown. It's funny but I remember thinking that she had like the best eyebrows I'd seen in a while – like the arch was perfect."

"Is there a point to this story?"

"Yes, I'm getting to it," I replied. "Be patient," I said, smiling sarcastically. "So I tried to read the caption but I wasn't quite getting it. Something about book, party, I didn't get it. Even after all those years of English class I still couldn't understand like 3 simple lines." I chuckled. "So I went to those online translators and of course it spat out gibberish but I got the general gist of it."

"Which was?"

" David Park and Sandra Choi, the Vice President of the school's chapter of the National Organization for Women. Interesting, isn't it?"

He looked at me in disbelief. "That was so long ago. Sandra and I haven't been together for such a long time. That can't be what's holding you back." He looked me over like I was crazy.

I rolled my eyes. "You're obviously not getting it. Every single girl that I know you've been interested in has been some kind of do-gooder activist. Before me and after me. If that's not a pattern, I don't know what that is."

"And what does this have to do with us?"

Did I have to explain everything to him? I pointed at myself. "I am just not your type. Don't you see that? So don't go around feeling that you have feelings for me and I have feelings for you blah blah blah. Oh and Hee Soo is being pigheaded blah blah blah. Feelings fade. We are not meant to be together so let's just get over high school and move on. So just go to the next rally you hear about and find yourself a girlfriend and I'll find myself a man who loves me. And the next time we run into each other, we can smile and talk and not have it mean anything. Okay?"

He nodded like he finally understood. "Alright then. So I guess that's it."

I nodded. "Yes, pretty much."

"Then take care of yourself," he said before turning around and leaving.

For the second time in my life, Ji Tae had turned around and walked away. As I watched his figure get smaller, I wondered why the weight I'd been carrying around for the last few weeks hadn't been lifted. I opened my car door and slipped into the driver's seat. It will be all okay in a matter of weeks, right? Because as they say, time heals all wounds.

Chapter 9

2009-12-26T13:52:00.000-05:00

Hey, Michelle," I called as I walked past the receptionist desk. "How are things?"

"Great, considering I am heading home in...," she said, looking at the clock, "in like 12 minutes."

"I'm so jealous," I replied. I'd just come back from inspecting the construction site and even though the building was coming along nicely, I still had some notes to go through.

"So what have you got planned for tonight?" she asked as she arranged her desk.

I shrugged. "Nothing really. I'll probably be working for another thirty minutes or so then I guess I'll go home and sleep," I joked.

She shook her head and tsked. "Someone your age should have plans on a Friday night. Go out and find a life, you know, have some fun," she said, moving her hands up and down enthusiastically.

She was right. I wasn't as busy as I'd been in the previous months and now that Yun Ah was getting more involved with Han Bi, I spent more and more of my free time alone. Maybe it was time to go searching for some semblance of a life.

***

I walked into the club and scanned it for Eun Jung Unnie. Years after Drama Club, she was still a social butterfly and she constantly sent me e-vites for parties she was either organizing or attending so earlier in the evening, when I went through my emails, I wasn't surprised to find details for a party being held at a club that night. I walked around the room searching for her and when my eyes finally found her, I waved vehemently to catch her attention. Less than a minute later, she waved back.

With a huge grin, she walked across the room and hugged me. The years since high school had been good to her and she was definitely looking great. She still wasn't skinny but she'd now acquired a slim physique. When she released me, she folded her arms and frowned at me.

"What?" I asked, smiling back at her with an arched brow.

"You've finally shown up to a party. It's about time."

I laughed then straightened my face and shrugged. "I had nothing better to do so you were the first person I thought of."

"Wow," she said, shaking her head. "That really makes me feel special." She pulled me into another hug. "It's so good to see you." She let go of me and suddenly started searching the room.

"What are you looking for?"

Instead of replying, she scanned the room further then suddenly grabbed my wrist. "Come, there's someone I want to you meet."

I pulled my hand away. "You want me to meet someone? I never asked for that."

"So what? I think you're perfect for each other." She took my hand again. "I just hope he didn't bring a date today," she said to herself.

"You're trying to fix me up with a guy with a girlfriend?"

"Of course not. He doesn't have a girlfriend – he just dates a lot. But that's because he hasn't met you yet."

"Aww, how sweet," I said sarcastically. Was she really trying to set me up with a serial dater? I grimaced at her and wondered where she'd found her free drugs. I pulled her fingers off my wrist but in a matter of seconds, her hand was grasping it again.

"Unnie, leave my hand alone!" I demanded, as I dug my heels into the floor so that she couldn't pull me along.

But apparently, my strength couldn't match hers because she still managed to drag me half-way across the room till she stopped right next to a guy nursing a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Kim Hee Soo, I'll like you to meet Shim Hyun Su. Oppa, this is the girl I've been telling you about. She's finally come out of her little hole."

I sent her an evil look then turned my attention back to the guy standing in front for me. He was tall. Okay, not quite tall but taller than me. Surely, that had to count for something? His hair wasn't cropped short but it wasn't long either – kind of spiky on top but lower on the sides. He had eyes, his nose was proportional to his face and his lips weren't too thin. The striking thing about his face was his very distinct jaw – like someone had taken some sandpaper and shaped it in place. Okay, so he was no Sang Woo – either of them – but he was cute enough and maybe just what the doctor had ordered.

"Nice to meet you," he said, stretching his hand out to me.

I put my hand in his and shook it. He had a firm grip, and I noticed that his hand was quite large. I took the opportunity to check the rest of him out. He looked like he'd just gotten off work and was wearing a nice shirt and slacks plus his shoes looked pretty expensive. All in all, Eun Jung could have done worse.

Eun Jung went on to volunteer our occupations and it turned out that he was an investment banker with one of the top firms in Seoul.

"Oh, and Oppa, Hee Soo is 25 years old."

My head snapped around so fast that it almost fell off my neck. "Unnie, what the hell? Why don't you grab a mic and announce my age to the entire room?"

"Oh, should I?" she teased.

Hyun Su laughed before I could respond to her. "25 is a nice age," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't say it was bad but there was no reason for her to tell you." I smiled at him. "You have an unfair advantage now. So how old are you?"

"29."

Not bad. A slightly older guy with a great job who didn't look too bad. I raised my brow. "I guess we're both old," I said.

He chuckled.

"Well, it looks like my job here is done," Eun Jung said. "I'll leave you two alone."

Hyun Su spotted an emptying table so we went over and sat down

"So how come I haven't seen you at one of these things?" he asked.

"Busy." I told him about the office building that I'd been working on.

"Cool. So I guess that explains why you're still single."

I chuckled at his segue. He certainly wasn't as smooth as he thought he was but I was okay with it. "Why I'm still single? I guess that could explain it. But I'm a little less busy now so I've decided to have a little bit of fun."

He nodded. "Yeah, it's important to find a good balance."

"Yeah, all work and no play…." Dang. Did I really just say that? He didn't react to my lameness so I continued. "Since you seem to have found the balance, why are you still single?"

"Well, I just got out of a relationship."

I had to stop myself from groaning. Eun Jung wanted to make me the rebound girl? What the hell? "But Eun Jung said that you don't have relationships and just date."

He shook his head in annoyance. "Gosh, her mouth is too big. I broke up with my girlfriend about 5 or 6 months ago and haven't had anything serious since."

"How long were you guys together?"

"7 years."

"7 years and you're already dating? Haven't you ever heard of a grieving period?"

"Well, I didn't see anyone for about 3 months, so I guess that was my grieving period."

I shook my head. "Haven't you heard that the grieving period should be half as long as the relationship? So in your case, that's three and a half years," I joked.

He bellowed with laughter. "So a couple that's been married for 32 years can't date other people till 16 years later?"

I chuckled. "Hey, I don't make the rules," I said innocently.

After about twenty minutes of casual conversation, he said, "We need to hang out sometime."

I broadened my smile. The annoying thing about flirting was that sometimes you felt that your cheek muscles were going to give way. "Is this your way of asking for my number?"

"Maybe."

"Well," I said, looking at my watch, "I haven't even known you for 30 minutes so I need more time to make sure you're not a serial killer."

"Well, if I were a serial killer, I'm sure I wouldn't even need to get your number from you. I could easily google you and I bet I'd at least get your work number," he said matter-of-factly.

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that there's really no need to be so protective. Because with the way the internet is, you can pretty much get a lot of information on most people in a matter of minutes. If your landline isn't unlisted, I can probably get that from yellowpages.com. So that's both home and work numbers."

I nodded. "If your plan is to creep me out, it's definitely working."

He chuckled and narrowed his eyes. "In that case, mission accomplished?"

I stared at him from the corner of my eye and hoped that he was only teasing because the last thing I needed was some psycho on my tail. I got off my chair. "I need to get something to drink – I'll be right back."

"Did I scare you?" he asked seriously.

I laughed. "No. I just need another drink."

"Don't worry, I'll get it," he said, getting up.

"No, I'm fine – my legs are still working." I demonstrated it by tapping my laps.

"Oh, you're one of those feminist types?"

I burst out laughing. "So a woman needs to be a feminist to want to get herself a drink? Maybe I haven't yet decided what I want so I'm going to figure it out when I get to the bar. Did you think about that?"

He sat back down. "Okay, okay. Sorry. Can you get me another beer while you're there?"

***

"What looks good?" I asked the bartender. I leaned over the bar and looked at the numerous bottles of alcohol. "What do you recommend?"

He shrugged. "It depends on what you like," he said with an expression that showed that his mind was a million miles away.

"Okay, how about some Malibu and orange? And one Heineken. Thanks!"

After I got my drinks and was heading back to my seat, as bad luck would have it, I spotted someone that looked like Ji Tae leaning against a wall. I tried to look away but I couldn't help but take a closer look and lo and freaking behold, it was him. He was pretty much dressed identically to Hyun Su which was slightly surprising because he wasn't wearing his usual jeans. I smirked and was about to continue on my journey back to the lovely man waiting for me when a lady suddenly slinked to him and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled in response and took her hand.

When she turned her face, I could tell that she was actually pretty till she smiled and revealed her teeth. I mean, come on, what the hell? Her teeth were so big that I could almost count them from across the room.

As if she could tell what I was thinking, she suddenly frowned and moved closer to him and in response, he caressed her arm in a comforting fashion. The entire scene turned my stomach and I almost threw up in my drink.

But seriously, what was going on? Unless she was his long lost sister and she and Ji Tae had embarked on an incestuous relationship, Ms. Roger Rabbit was his new girlfriend. Three months after telling me he still had feelings for me, he had a new girlfriend? What the hell? Why couldn't guys just respect the goddamn grieving period?

Chapter 10

2009-12-25T14:46:00.000-05:00

"Your phone just rang," Hyun Su said the second I returned to our table. We were on our oh-so-important fifth date and things were looking good considering we'd only known each other for about four weeks.

"Really?" I said, getting back in my seat. The second I reached into my purse to investigate, it rang again. I looked at the caller-id and saw that it was Ji Tae. "What the fu...?" I said under my breath. Why in the world was he calling me? And why hadn't I deleted his number from my phone? I turned my phone off and put it back in my bag.

"You're not going to answer it?" Hyun Su asked curiously.

I pulled my hair behind my ear and shook my head. Why would I? Nothing good could come out of talking to an ex while on a date with another man.

"Are you sure? It might be important."

"I'm quite certain it isn't." I had nothing to say to Park Ji Tae and even if I did, it wasn't anything I wanted to say in front of him. We were still in the very early stages where we both pretended to be much better people than we could ever dream of being and I didn't want to scare him off quite yet. "So have you decided on your dessert yet?" I asked, picking the menu up.

He looked at the menu that he already had open. "I'm thinking of the devil's food cake," he said, pointing at the picture.

I scanned the menu. Practically everything on it looked so sinfully good that I was sure I'd feel guilty for days. Besides, it wouldn't hurt to at least look like I was watching my weight. "I'll just have the fruit salad."

***

"I had a good time," Hyun Su said as we walked towards my building.

I turned around and smiled at him. "You were hanging out with me – of course you had a good time."

He laughed and nodded. "True. True."

I shyly looked away as we'd finally reached the potentially awkward part of our date. "So I guess I'll be seeing you soon, then," I said.

"Yes. The show starts at 9 so we should be there at least 30 minutes earlier."

Apparently, his favorite band was the best one I'd never heard of so he wanted to introduce them to me. The concert was assigned seating and he assured me that the crowd would be very mellow so I planned to carry some smelling salts along.

I moved closer to my apartment complex entrance and put my hand on the handle. "Good night then."

"Good night," he replied before titling his head and leaning into me.

I tilted my head in the other direction and waited for him to cover the rest of the distance between us.

He kissed me softly on my lips and when he teased my bottom lip, I parted my lips and let him in. Our first kiss had been a simple kiss that piqued my interest so I was looking forward to discovering what he could do with a real kiss.

The kiss was warm and not quite tingly but he smelled good and I was definitely into it so when we broke apart, I asked him if he wanted to come in for coffee. And by coffee, I meant coffee with just a sliver of making out. He accepted my offer so I walked into the lobby and led him to the elevators.

"Where the hell have you been?" Yun Ah yelled the second I walked through our apartment door. She looked agitated and Han Bi's daughter, Eun Hye, was fast asleep on the couch.

"Didn't I tell you I was going out with Hyun Su?" I asked, pointing at him so that she'd see that he was present and save her hysterics for later.

She glanced at him uncomfortably then said, "But why is your phone off?"

I shook my head. "Someone called and I didn't feel like answering. Why? What happened?"

"Ji Tae and Han Bi are out there looking for you!"

I frowned. "Why?"

"Why do you think? Are you crazy or something! Why bother having a cell phone if you're going to turn it off! What the fuc.king hell is your problem? I can't believe you sometimes," she ranted.

I watched in awe and tried my best to calmly wait for her to explain what the hell was going on but instead, she bent over and picked up her phone and dialed a number. "She's back so you can stop looking for her." She paused. "Yes, I'll bring Eun Hye over to your place and meet you there. See you." Then she looked at me and yelled, "Why are you still here? Go to the hospital!"

Hospital? My heart started beating at a million miles a millisecond. "Yun Ah, what are you talking about?"

"Are you deaf or something? Your mother's at the hospital!"

***

I ran in the direction the nurse had directed. From what I could gather, as usual, my mother was having issues with her car so she'd been using a rental for the past few days. As she was driving down the highway, the car stalled and that ended in a four car collision. My mother and another driver were in critical condition.

I stopped running when I saw my family gathered in a corner. Mi Soo ran towards me and hugged me. "What's going on? Where's Umma?" I asked breathlessly. She was holding on so tightly that I could barely breathe. "Mi Soo, what's going on?" I asked as she slowly let go of me.

"They're operating on her now," my father said, moving away from the wall he'd been leaning against and walking to me. "Where have you been?" His face was dark with anger.

"I was out…." I couldn't complete my sentence. I looked around the room and it was just a picture of distress. If their faces weren't covered with tears, they were covered with worry. And all this while, while they'd been panicked in hospital, while they'd needed me, I'd been leaning against my door asking someone in for coffee. Sh.it couldn't even begin to describe how I felt. "I'm sorry I'm late, but how's Umma? How did this happen?"

"You're sorry? What were you doing? You weren't at work because I called there. We've all been worried because we didn't know where you were. Where were you?" my father yelled.

I glanced at Hyun Su who'd taken my hand to comfort me.

My father looked at him then back at me then shook his head in disgust. "Is this what you're doing with your time? Everyone's been going crazy looking for you wondering if something had happened and you were out having fun?"

Wasn't I allowed to have a life? And it wasn't like I'd been intentionally ignoring them! "Appa…"

"You've just shown that you can't be depended on. You were needed urgently and no one could find you. We found Mi Soo, we found your friends but where were you? Is this how a grown woman acts?"

I'd never seen my father's face so red and I could understand he was emotional but he was talking like I had something to do with the accident. Was it really fair to take it all out on me? "Appa…"

"You're the eldest child in this family! When will you grow up and take responsibility for your actions?"

What the…? Something snapped in me. "And what about you, Appa? When will you take responsibility for your actions? You know that Umma has problems with cars. She's had them for all my life so something like this was inevitable, right? Why haven't you ever thought of getting her a driver? I'm sure that if you bothered to look, you'd see that you can afford one or I could even chip in! What about that? So please don't talk to me about responsibilities! I'm so s--"

"Hee Soo, shut up! How dare you talk to your father like that?" Ji Tae interrupted.

It was only then that I really noticed that he was there. "AND WHO THE FU.CK CALLED YOU?" I turned to him. "Please, why are you even here? I don't understand this! Why is he here?" I walked around, asking the room.

I waited for an answer but nothing came.

"Is this like a hard question or something? Who called him here? He's not even family or am I missing something and he is my brother? What the hell is he doing here? How the hell is any of this his business? Mi Soo, did you call him?"

She shook her head and looked to my father.

"Appa, did you call him?" He didn't say a word so I took his silence as confirmation. "Why did you call him?"

"If you had answered your phone would I have had to call him? Yun Ah said you were out so I called him."

I hissed. "Why in the world would you think that I was out with him?"

He gave me a look. "We don't need to get into this right now."

"Appa, please tell me what is going on."

He sighed. "A few months ago, he came over to the house to apologize and ask for permission to start seeing you again."

"Wh—" I didn't even know what to say. I was just speechless.

"Even though you hadn't said anything about dating him, he was the only person I could think of. As we both know, you've never said anything about your young man," he said, looking at Hyun Su.

All I could do was shake my head.

"So why don't we all just calm down and wait for the doctor?" my father said, before sitting down next to Jin Soo.

I turned to Ji Tae. The sight of him was setting my blood ablaze. If he hadn't called me, I'd have been at the hospital a lot sooner. If he hadn't called me, I would have checked my missed calls and wouldn't have turned my phone off. If not for him, I'd have been there for my mother much earlier and not have to deal with my father's disappointment. I took a deep breath in. "Ji Tae ssi, thank you for coming but you can go home now."

"Hee Soo, just leave me alone," he murmured. "Go and bother someone else."

"This is a family matter so just go home now." Was it really so hard to leave where you weren't wanted? "This has nothing to do with you so you can leave. Thanks for coming but--"

"Unnie," Mi Soo pleaded.

"Am I saying something wrong? Isn't this a family matter?"

"Hee Soo," he said in an icy tone. He glanced at Hyun Su who was now holding me and shook his head. "Just ign—"

The sudden appearance of the doctor from the other side of the double doors cut his sentence short. We all gathered around him and wait for him to speak.

"The operation went as planned," he informed us.

"Does that mean my mother will be alright?" I asked hopefully. I put my palm on my chest in preparation for a sigh of relief.

"The next 48 hours are crucial so we'll be observing her closely." His face was covered in a thick layer of nothingness. If he had any additional information, he was definitely not sharing it with us.

"Can we see her?" my father asked.

The doctor shook his head. "Not yet but we'll let you know when you can. We don't anticipate any changes for the next few hours so you can all go home and rest."

When the doctor left, my father asked me to take my brother home.

"You're asking me to leave, Appa? I don't want to leave." Besides, I'd only just arrived at the hospital and hadn't even had a chance to catch a glimpse of my mother.

"No, as the doctor said, we can go home for a few hours. Go and stay with Jin Soo and get him ready for school. When you come tomorrow morning, I'll leave."

From his tone, I could tell that there was no use arguing so I walked over to my brother who'd been periodically nodding off and pulled him up. A few minutes later, we were on our way home.

chapter 11

2009-12-24T22:52:00.000-05:00

I'd just stepped out of the bathroom when my phone rang. With my robe barely tied around me, I ran to get it just in case it was from the hospital. When I looked at the caller-id and saw Ji Tae's number, my heart started beating at triple rate. "Hello? What happened?"

"Hey, nothing happened. Nothing's changed, okay?" he said in a soothing voice. "Calm down."

I let out a sigh of relief. I picked up my towel and dried my hair. "So what's going on? Why did you call?"

"I just wanted to make sure that everything was fine over there. Is your brother okay?"

I looked in the direction of his room. "He's asleep. I think he got exhausted at the hospital."

"Okay. Good," he said, meaning it. "And what about you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Did he want something or was he just calling for calling's sake?

"Good. Your sister's going to stay at the hospital with your Appa. She says she doesn't have any classes tomorrow but I think she's lying but it'll be fine. Ehm... they looked fine when I left them so don't worry too much. I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

But why? "Ji Tae, there's no need to come tomorrow," I said in the sweetest tone I could manage. "Thanks for everything but we'll be okay without you, alright?"

He paused for a few moments then said, "Okay, Hee Soo, it looks like there's some kind of misunderstanding here."

I rolled my eyes. "About what?"

"I get the impression that you think that I was at the hospital because of you or something like that."

"When did I say that? It's just that--"

"You may not believe me," he interrupted, "and frankly speaking, I couldn't care less if you did but I do care about your mother and I have for a long time."

So what? That wasn't exactly the point. "I'm ju—"

"I know she's your mother," he continued not waiting for my response, "but you really don't have any right to tell me where I can or cannot be. Your father is the only person who matters and I've spoken to him and he says it's okay for me to visit her so you really need to get off my case." The edge in his voice was practically palpable.

"It's really not about you and has never been," he contined, "and how I feel about your mother has absolutely nothing to do with you so stop trying to interfere. Okay?"

I didn't say anything but I couldn't ignore the fact that I'd suddenly felt a tad smaller.

"Okay?" he repeated.

"Okay."

I hung up the phone and tried to fall asleep but the more I tossed and turned, the more awake I became. My heart was completely unsettled and I was on alert like someone waiting to hear the other shoe drop. But in reality, I really wasn't because I believed what the doctor had said. I just knew that my mother was going to get better but strangely, that didn't ease the tension brewing in me. The house felt strange but not because it had been a while since I'd slept in it. No. It felt so cold, so lifeless, so empty and so different from what I'd been used to, almost as if the air, walls, furniture, and everything around me missed my mother.

And then to compound the external conflict, the more I laid down and reflected on the day's happenings, the more disgusted I felt about the way I'd screamed and yelled like a mad woman. Was I really that shameless? And why Park Ji Tae? Why had I suddenly lost the ability to think straight? How could I keep letting something that had happened so long ago cloud my judgment? And there I was actually letting it affect my life. My head was spinning and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to imagine what would have happened if it had been something that needed my immediate attention like a blood transfusion or something critical like that and I wouldn't have been there because I didn't have the common sense to just answer a simple phone call. I tried not to think about it but I couldn't help myself. Gosh, was I really that stupid? I put my pillow over my head to try to block the thoughts from running through it but it didn't help. I felt more and more ridiculous with every passing second. What the hell was wrong with me?

***

The next morning, I returned to the hospital as soon as I dropped Jin Soo off at school. I'd expected him to be chatty or at least, ask why our parents weren't home but he had been pretty quiet for the entire ride and when I tried to engage him in conversation, he indulged me the best he could.

The mood at the hospital wasn't any better and my father's and sister's eyes were red and swollen and it looked like they'd managed to get even less sleep than I had.

I looked around and couldn't believe that I was actually the most optimistic person around. Maybe it was because I was certain that all the madness would soon blow over. I just knew that before we realized it, Umma would be out and about yelling about something or other. She was a fighter and I knew that she'd want to get well just so that she could have a few choice words with the car rental company. So there really wasn't anything to be so worried about.

The three of us hung around the hospital till around 1 pm when they went home to get some rest while I went out for some lunch. The doctor was quite optimistic about my mother's recovery so we all walked with slightly lighter hearts.

The sight and smell of the hospital had begun to make me nauseous so I had my lunch at a restaurant and made a few phone calls and when I returned about 30 minutes later, I found Ji Tae sitting down and staring into space. I could tell he was nervous even though he tried to appear calm but from the way he occasionally tapped his foot, it was quite obvious how he felt. Seeing him that way made me feel a little guiltier about the way I'd treated him after all, it was quite obvious that loving my mother was something we had in common.

I rubbed my dry palms against my jeans then took a deep breath in and walked up to him.

"Hey," he said shortly after I sat in the seat next to his.

I held out the bag of grapes I'd returned with. They were my mother's favorite kind and I wanted to put some in her room. "Would you like some?" I asked.

"No, thanks," he said, shaking his head.

I dropped the bag next to my foot and looked at him. Just like the rest of us, his eyes were also swollen and red but for some reason, he still looked like he'd managed to get some rest.

I glanced at my watch. "Is it okay for you to be here now? It's not affecting your work?"

He shook his head but instead of responding, he bent over and looked at the floor. From what I remembered, he got quiet when his brain was working in overdrive and seeing that made me feel a little sad. He seemed even more affected by more mother's condition than I was. I cleared my throat and decided to say what was needed to be said.

"Ji Tae, about yesterday…," I started with my eyes focused on the terrazzo beneath my feet. "I really shouldn't have said the things I did. My head was all screwed up and I really shouldn't have run my mouth like that. It wasn't fair to you." I almost wanted to blame it on PMS but it felt beneath me. "You didn't deserve that," I continued. "I know you wasted your time looking for me and I really wish you didn't have to since it was just a colossal waste of time."

He shook his head. "It's okay."

"And to think that it all could have been avoided if I'd just answered my phone," I said, laughing without humor. "I really wish I'd taken your call."

He linked his fingers together and sat up. "Hee Soo, forget it. It's not important now."

"No, it is." He had a faraway look in his eyes so I wasn't even sure he was paying attention to me but I wanted to continue. "Please, let me finish. Even though it's been a while, I know you cared about my mother." I smiled. "There were some times that I even thought that she preferred you to me."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't be absurd."

Seeing that encouraged me to continued. "Gosh, I remember that one time… we were on the bus or train," I said, racking my brain to remember. "Yes, the day you got us lost. And after she spoke to me for like 1 minute, she asked me to hand the phone to you and you guys spoke for like forever. What did you even have to talk about?"

He turned to me and squinted. "Really? I can't even remember that," he said.

"The point is, no matter what, I know that you care about her and you have every right to be here. I know you said you don't care what I believed—"

"Hey," he interrupted. "Your apology is getting really long… it's starting to weird me out. You can stop now."

I laughed. "Well, I just wanted you to know that. And I'm sure my father and sister are glad you're here, so thank you."

He shook his head. "You know I love your family so don't thank me. Truth be told, I'm here more for myself than anything else. Your mom might not realize this but it would have been so much more difficult for me to get through my parents' divorce without her. She kind of made me forget it for a few hours each day and made me feel so welcome and loved. And you know what?"

"What?"

"I don't think I've ever really told her how much that meant to me. At least not as much as I should have," he said regretfully.

I reached across and patted his hand. "I'm sure she knows. But don't worry about it - you'll soon get the chance to tell her."

***

I was awoken from sleep by all sorts of noise and chaos. The room seemed to be filled with figures in white running helter skelter. The doctor had allowed me to see my mother and somehow, I'd nodded off in her room. I blinked a few times and tried to figure out what was going on but before I could reorient myself with my surroundings, I felt some hands pull me from the chair and drag me away.

Only a few hours earlier, I'd walked into the room to find my mother lying in bed with what seemed like a million tubes going in and out of her. Her face looked pretty untouched except for a few scratches and it was hard to believe that she'd been in a serious accident but the doctor had said that most of the injuries she's incurred had been internal. Even though there was an oxygen mask on her face, to me, she looked like she was breathing normally and the person I saw looked peaceful, just like my mother did on those nights she fell asleep on the couch watching dramas. So I just knew that she'd be okay because my mother was always okay.

But right then, instead of feeling like I was with my mother watching a corny drama, it felt like I was in the middle of a melodramatic hospital drama with people yelling and screaming things and all sorts of machines being pushed and prodded and when I saw them pull out the defibrillator and press it on my mother's chest, it felt entirely surreal. It was amazing how much smaller the machine looked in person.

I felt my body being dragged backwards till I was out of the room and I half expected them to draw the curtains or shut the door so that we wouldn't see what they were doing but it looked like they were too busy to think of that tiny detail. Was that something that only ever happened on dramas?

I stood and watched as someone pumped air into my mother's lungs while another passed current through her heart. The entire thing looked so painful and I was annoyed that they hadn't even bothered to give her something to manage the pain. There was no way her chest wasn't going to bruise.

I watched as each time they put the machine on her, her body would jerk up and down and they'd look to see if her heart rate had picked up. But I wasn't worried – it was inconceivable for my mother's heart to really stop working. It made no sense.

But up and down her body jerked and time after time the machine didn't pick up her heartbeat. But I knew she was still there, she looked like she was still there. Every muscle on her face was still intact and every inch of her skin still sparkled. But suddenly, her body stopped jerking and everyone got quiet and when I looked at her face, I could almost pinpoint the second she stopped being my mother and simply became flesh and blood.

I stared at her face expecting it to change back to what it had been a few seconds earlier because it just had to. I knew it just had to be a trick or some kind of fake-out and a few seconds later, she'd start coughing and everyone would start laughing.

I stood and waited for the next act but suddenly, I heard people yelling and screaming around me. I turned to look at them but they all seemed like strangers, like people I'd never met so I looked back at the bed and waited for the body to turn back to my mother. But it didn't. Instead, the medical staff turned off the machine and filed out the room with somber looks on their faces. But wait a minute, shouldn't they have shut her eyes and covered her with a white cloth? And since they didn't do that, did that mean that the face on the bed would change?

I was still staring when the attendants returned and shut the door behind them. Even though I was staring at a brown door, all I could see was the face on the bed with the body jerking up and down. I'd shut my eyes in an attempt to clear the image that I was sure was a complete fabrication when I felt someone turn me around and pull me in an embrace. I couldn't even be bothered to see who it was because all I could think about was my mother's face. My eyes had become useless and it was almost like everything in front of me had turned white and I just stood there till I felt some moisture on my shoulder. I looked up and above me was Ji Tae's face dripping with tears. Even though he was trying his best to control it, his lips were quivering.

What was he crying about? Umma hadn't gone anywhere. As soon as I reached up to wipe his cheek, he pulled me in tighter. He was saying something but I couldn't hear it because I was still thinking about my mother's face. All she had were a few scratches so there was no way she wouldn't recover from that. The doctors had returned to my mother's room so they were fixing something, right? There was no way they weren't going to put the life back in her face. I was still standing there with his arms wrapped around me when I suddenly heard a scream. I turned to see my sister sobbing in a clump on the floor. I went to pull her up and it was almost like she'd suddenly gained like 100lbs because she didn't even budge. So I went down to the floor and held her in my arms as she sobbed. "Umma!" she shrieked. "Umma!"

"There's no need to cry, Mi Soo, Umma is fine."